A Temporary Hot Pocket

| ON, Canada | Right | October 9, 2014

(I am working at a dollar store. We have a very belligerent couple who are always rude and always bringing their dogs into the store. One day they get a new puppy and the man very obviously tries to hide it in his jacket. We all know about the dog, but wait until they are done paying to say this:)

Me: “Did you know your pocket peed down your front?”

(We haven’t seen them since.)

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Said It Without Batting An Eye

| Reno, NV, USA | Right | October 8, 2014

(I was born with a very rare degenerative eye disease which, after several corrective surgeries, has left me with some very unusual eyes (off-centered pupil, over-sized green-gold iris). I’m used to how they look, but a lot of people are taken aback by them, sometimes even asking if they’re real. This incident takes place while I’m hanging up clothing.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How are you today?”

Customer: “I’m fine, thank you. We’re looking for— Are you wearing contacts?”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “Your eyes look really weird.”

Me: ” …Thanks.”

Enough Barking Crazy For One Day

| Savannah, GA, USA | Right | October 8, 2014

(I’m a supervisor working a closing shift, helping out for another department, since we’re short on people that night, and doing my work at the service desk. My coworker, who is manning the service desk that night, is on the phone with someone, looking slightly perplexed.)

Coworker: *mouths toward me* “Take this! Please!”

(She passes the phone over to me.)

Me: “Thank you for calling your local [Store Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *in a very forced high pitched voice* “Do you have any doghouses.”

(It’s pretty difficult to understand, as they’re clearly disguising their voice to sound like a woman.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say doghouses?”

Customer: “Yes, doghouses.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. We don’t carry doghouses. We do have dog cages and dog carriers, though.”

Customer: “Do you think a little boy could fit in them?”

Me: *hangs up* “Nope. Not tonight. I do not have the patience. They asked if a little boy could fit in them. F*** that!”

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Scammer Scanner

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | October 8, 2014

(I am cutting fabric for one customer, while another coworker is serving a man who has a basket full of stock. The man has the basket on a lower ledge attached the service counter and is putting items on the counter for scanning. I look up to see him put the last two items on the counter, and he then puts one item back in the basket.)

Coworker: *hands him the bag* “That will be [total], please.”

Me: “Sir, can you pass me the basket if you no longer need it, please?”

(The customer takes the item from the basket and drops it into the bag before passing the basket over.)

Me: “Sorry, can I check that item you just put in the bag? Did you buy it before or from somewhere else? If so I need to see a receipt.”

Customer: “She scanned it already.”

Me: “I don’t know whether she did or not. We’ll need to check it.”

Customer: *pulling the item out of bag and handing it to coworker* “It was scanned.”

Coworker: *to me* “How do I check?”

Me: “Just scan it; if it’s already been scanned it will show two in the quantity column.”

(My coworker scans it. The item is added to the bottom of the screen, the quantity clearly showing one.)

Coworker: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means it wasn’t scanned in the first place.”

(The customer pays and quickly leaves the store.)

Coworker: “How did you know it wasn’t scanned?”

Me: “I saw him put it on the counter and then immediately put it back in the basket. It’s why I asked him for the basket.”

Coworker: “I can’t believe he just did that in front of his kids!”

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The Crystal Is Not Clear

, | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | October 8, 2014

(This takes place over the phone.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m considering buying a [Very High End Brand] crystal chandelier from you guys. I was wondering… is there a way to tell by looking at it what the brand is? Like, is there a signature etched into the crystal, or something written on the metal part?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; I haven’t seen anything like that.”

Customer: “But if I spend all this money on the best crystal, how are my guests supposed to tell? I’d want everyone to know!”

Me: “Well, each chandelier comes with a certificate of authenticity you could display, or a [Brand] tag you could hang on it if you wanted.”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Oh, that wouldn’t be pretentious at all now, would it?” *hangs up*

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