I work in a budget retail shop — part of a UK chain — and we get official branded stuff and budget copies. Most people understand that an official item would cost more.

This Christmas, a woman was looking in the toy aisle, the aisle I was tidying at the time, and asked what seemed like a reasonable question.

Customer: “Does this Transformer come in neon green? It needs to go with my kid’s other toys, and he’s obsessed with that colour.”

I looked at the back of the packet where it showed which ones are manufactured.

Me: “It doesn’t look like neon green is available. We do have [Similar Budget Brand] which does.”

Customer: “No, thank you. Do you have other colours out back not put out yet?”

Me: “The manufacturers don’t make one in that colour.”

Customer: “Could you make sure? Go back and check the stock in the back?”

I was trying not to snap as she kept requesting it but reframing the question as if THAT would make a difference.

A coworker suggested I put a neon green budget toy in a Transformer packet and see if she noticed. It was tempting!

My dad owns a store where he sells DVDs, video games, and CDs. I’m his only son.

Customer: “I would like to purchase these movies, and I’m family, so I get a discount.”

Me: “No, you’re not, and no, you don’t.”

Customer: “F*** you, you goth! I’m the owner’s sister!”

Me: “I’m his son, and I know for a fact that he doesn’t have any sisters, only brothers.”

Customer: “Well, I’m your long-lost aunt!”

Me: “Hey, Uncle!”

Uncle: “What’s up, [My Name]?”

Me: “Did you ever have a sister?”

Uncle: “Nope. We were all boys.”

The customer screeched like a banshee and then sulked while paying full price.

Related:
The Family Business Is None Of Yours, Part 3
The Family Business Is None Of Yours, Part 2
The Family Business Is None Of Yours

I have an immune system the equivalent of dunking a teabag in a bath and pretending it’s the same as in a teacup. It’s a mess with my medication, but that’s what keeps me alive. You can imagine, a global health crisis has not been a fun time for me. I’ve been super careful and lost out on two years of my “best years” of life.

Local rules have eased up the lockdown and the holidays are coming. I’ve tried my best to order online and avoid… humans… but I have one package I need to collect in person at a mall. The store is near the entrance, so I decide to chance plague central. I live life on the edge. 

Most people are over the lockdown and all over the place. Luckily, I’m shopping in a store that’s quite quiet when I go in. I timed super early to avoid people. It’s practically empty, so I take my first chance in months to actually look at the merchandise in a store. So many shinies I pick up to buy.

There is one woman nearby, though. I think she is just interested in the specific merch like me… but as I get my new purchases and pull my personal hand gel from my handbag, I hear a voice right next to my ear at the counter.

Woman: “Oh, that smells amazing! Where did you get it?”

I jump out of my skin!

Me: “I ordered it from [Store]. Back off from my shoulder!”

She looks like I just threw her prized kitten into a pack of rabid wolves.

Woman: “I was only asking. I have a son with the same taste! I thought I might be able to ask…”

Me: “Back up first!”

Woman: “You are the rudest young woman I’ve ever met! I’m so at risk being out in the open like this.”

And then, with her mask at half-mast under her nose, she flounced away with the grace of a distressed jellyfish. 

Luckily, I did not catch the yuckies from her.

I recently underwent life-saving emergency surgery that required blood and plasma transfusions. Once I recovered enough, I went to a hair salon and dyed some of my hair electric blue, as it was something I have never tried before and I figured, “Why not? Life’s short.” The crown portion of my hair is still my natural color (a dark, dark brown that looks pretty close to black) so the blue portion “peeks out” from under the black layers. Many people have offered their compliments, while others point out that it’s “different” without adding to it, meaning they don’t like it, but they don’t want to be rude. This lady at the store I was in, however, had a different approach.

Customer: *Looking mildly disgusted* “Blue hair?”

Me: *Keeping my usual positive attitude* “Yeah, I like it a lot! And to be honest, I wasn’t sure if it was going to look the way I had imagined when I got it done.”

Customer: “And what does your mother think about you having blue hair?”

She put a lot of emphasis on the “mother” portion, and she was now looking at me as if to make me feel ashamed. I realized she probably thought I was still in high school, as I do look rather young for my age.

Me: *Same positive attitude* “Well, since I’m a thirty-two-year-old, grown-a** woman, she doesn’t really care much.”

I heard a snicker from someone else nearby. The lady then tried to go poker face, but she was already flushing red as she walked away with a mixture of bitterness and embarrassment. I’m still getting compliments on my hair, so this look may just be here to stay.

I was working during a really bad storm. Only three of us made it in because we lived really close; two walked. We had one customer in three hours. They just bought a pack of gum.

Customer: “We just wanted to get out of the house!”

They had children with them. Stupid people!