Immersed In His Complaint

| Hermitage, PA, USA | Top

(I am ringing out a customer who is buying a pair of swimming trunks.)

Me: “Thank you for your purchase, sir. As a reminder of the return policy, you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’m going to a beach party later so I need them.”

Me: “Okay. Well, have a good time. Thanks again, and have a nice day.”

(The next day, the customer returns with the swimming trunks. The tag is still on them, but mostly disintegrated from water. The trunks smell of chlorine.)

Me: “Hi again! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need to return these.”

Me: “Oh, is there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “No. I just don’t need them anymore.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but these can’t be returned.”

Customer: “Well, why the h*** not!? Yesterday, you said they could be returned as long as the tags were still on them.”

Me: “Yes, sir. But having the tag on them generally implies that they haven’t been worn.”

Customer: “This is b***s***! I would like to see your manager immediately.”

Me: “Absolutely, sir.”

(The manager comes over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

(The customer goes through the same story. He leaves in a rage, screaming that he’s going to give us bad reviews. The next day a survey report comes in. All sections are given one star out of five. The comment section reads, ‘Stupid clerk told me I could return my swimming trunks as long as the tags were still on them. I didn’t take the tags off when I wore it, but she wouldn’t return it, and accused me of wearing it. Like she knows what I did with it. Maybe I spilled water on the tags by mistake. She couldn’t know. Only I know I wore it–not that d*** clerk.’)

About To Be Charged With Something Else

| ACT, Australia | Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you sell a charger for this phone?”

Me: “We usually do, but I’m not sure if we have any in stock. I’ll have a look for you.”

(I look on our accessories wall. I’m too busy to notice the customer has walked up behind me.)

Customer: *low voice* “It’s just that the prostitutes keep stealing mine.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Did you want to know that?”

Me: “Not really.”

A Dark Day For Political Correctness

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Top

(Keep in mind that I’m wearing a black shirt.)

Customer: “I have a question. Can you help me?”

Me: “I’ll try, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, do you carry any construction paper?”

Me: “Yes, we do. It is right this way, if you would follow me.”

(We walk to the aisle.)

Customer: “Do you have any dark paper, though?”

Me: “Yes, we do. What color of dark paper are you looking for?”

(The customer looks at me like I’m a moron.)

Customer: “Dark paper! Like your shirt!”

Me: “Oh, you mean black.”

Customer: *gasps* “I’m sorry, but I can not believe you would say that! I feel that word is just so offensive to the colored community!”

(The customer storms out of the building, muttering about racists. The customer is white.)

Bilateral Symmetry Meets Botched Schooling

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(I am organizing my area of the store when a customer and her young daughter come in.)

Girl: “Mommy, why can’t I marry my cousin?”

Mother: “Because you’re too closely blood related.”

Girl: “What’s ‘blood related’?”

Mother: “It means if you had a baby together, it might come out with a deformity. You know…like having two arms.”

Phoney Answers

| USA | Uncategorized

(I’m standing at my register. A customer walks up while talking on her cell phone. I smile at her and start ringing up her order.)

Me: “Would you like a box?”

(The customer is still talking on cell phone and doesn’t answer. I start packing her order in a box anyway.)

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

(She hands me a check, but is still talking on her cell phone. I put it through the check printer for her.)

Me: “Okay, I just need to write your phone number on the check.”

Customer: *dead pan, and still on her phone* “I don’t have one.”

*extended pause*

Me: “Okay, I’ll just put ‘unlisted’.”

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