Wiggled Out Of That One

| West Chester, PA, USA | Right | February 1, 2014

(I am the stupid customer in this one. I have just bought a wig from a friend for a costume I am working on and am wearing it to break it in and get used to the feel. I am also wearing contacts, but keep my glasses in my pocket in case the contacts begin to irritate me. I go to a local corner store for a pack of cigarettes.)

Cashier: “May I see your ID?”

Me: (*gives ID*)

Cashier: “…um. Sir, this isn’t you.”

Me: “What do you mean it’s– Oh, s***. One moment.”

(I remove the wig and put on my glasses.)

Me: “Better?”

Cashier: (*confused*) “I, um… Sure, that’s a match.”

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Needs To Go Back To Square One

| Rochester, NY, USA | Right | January 30, 2014

Customer: “I’m looking for a square tablecloth. I need 52 by 52, but it doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Hmm, well what’s the size of the table?”

Customer: “Well, it’s 52 by 104.”

Me: “So you’re looking for an oblong tablecloth?”

Customer: “I could have sworn it was a square.”

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Cut This One Down To Size

| Auckland, New Zealand | Right | January 30, 2014

(I work in a clothing store with the basic sizes, S, M, and L.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m wanting a plain top for my dad in ‘men’s.'”

Me: “Certainly. What size were you looking for?”

Customer: “Men’s.”

Me: “Um, what size?”

Customer: “Men’s!”

Me: “Were you looking for a medium, by any chance?”

Customer: “MEN’S! MEN’S! WHY DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF!?”

(I head out the back and grab a medium anyway.)

Me: “We have a ‘M’ here for you.”

Customer: “SEE! That wasn’t so hard was it!?”

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I Am More Than The Sum

| UK | Right | January 29, 2014

(I’m working a register during the busy Christmas season. I’m coming towards the end of a 12-hour shift when a man comes to my till.)

Me: “Okay, sir. That will be [price].”

Customer: “Can I pay part with cash and the rest on my card?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine. I’ll have to process the card first, so how much do you have in cash?”

Customer: “[Amount].”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be…”

(I try to work out how much remains after subtracting his cash from the price, but my brain is just fried and I can’t think.)

Me: “That’ll be… erm…”

Customer: *sighs angrily* “It’ll be [other amount] on my card!”

Me: “Right you are, sir. Sorry about that. It’s been a long day.”

Customer: *mumbles about me being an idiot*

(Once the customer has paid, he goes to leave. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

Customer: “You know, you are useless. Can’t even do simple calculations without needing a calculator. No wonder you’re working in a shop!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m coming to the end of a long shift of overtime, due to the busy season. Plus I’m a little tired after being up all night studying for my post grad molecular and microbiology final tomorrow. I hope you’ll understand.”

(The customer went red and shut his mouth quickly. He ran off without so much as an apology!)

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Receiving A Habitual Dressing Down

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Friendly | January 28, 2014

(I am walking through a store with a friend of mine when we walk past a woman with many tattoos and piercings, and crazy colored hair. It is summer time, and she is wearing a really cute sun dress. Note: Utah can be quite a conservative state.)

Me: “Hey! I love your dress!”

Woman: “F*** off! Wait… what did you say?”

Me: “Uh… I like your dress?”

Woman: “Oh s***. Thank you!”

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