The Bigger The Sign, The Harder They Fail

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid

(I’m a customer looking at a fragile jewelry display. There is a huge sign in bright colours, bigger than the display itself, saying ‘Please do not touch! We’ll be happy to come and assist you!’. I call the sales assistant over. There is another customer right next to me, looking at the same display.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like to have a look at that necklace please?”

Sales Assistant: “Oh, my God! You read the sign; I think you’re actually the first person to read it all week!”

Me: “Well, it is kind of obvious!”

Sales Assistant: “You’d think so, right?”

(We walk back to the counter. From behind us, we hear a crash. We both turn around to see the other customer with a necklace in her hand, and the entire display on the floor. She looks at us like a frightened animal, and turns bright red. She puts the necklace down, and sheepishly runs out the door. I look at the sales assistant; she looks at me, and face-palms.)

A Softened Approach To Mathematics

| Columbia, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(I have just finished setting up a display of fabric softener liquid and sheets. A customer approaches me and gestures to the price sign.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but is everything on this display two for $5?”

Me: “No, ma’am. That sign is for the liquid. The fabric softener sheets are only $1.99.”

Customer: “But the sign says they are two for $5!”

Me: “That’s for these items. But the sheets are only—”

Customer: “That’s what the sign says, and that is the price I want them for.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to charge you more for these items?”

Customer: “No, I want you to give them to me for the price you have advertised them for.”

(She pauses abruptly, looking down at the phone where she had been fiddling with her calculator app. She realizes her error.)

Customer: “Oh, I am so embarrassed!”

Me: “It’s okay! Enjoy your two for $3.98 fabric softener sheets!”

Planning To Walk A Mile In Another Man’s Shoes, Part 2

| IN, USA | Criminal & Illegal

(I work in the shoe department of a retail chain. I notice two customers walking through the aisles; both are wearing extremely shabby shoes.)

Me: “Hey guys, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Nah, we’re just looking.”

(I walk away. Moments later, I see both guys heading towards the front door. This time, one is wearing a pair of sparkling white, brand new shoes. Knowing exactly where those shoes are in the department, I find a box containing the customer’s dirty sneakers. I grab the box and chase them down as they’re walking out to the parking lot.)

Me: “Hey guys, did you forget something?”

Customer: “Um… no? What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, if you’re going to steal shoes, don’t you at least want to keep your old ones?”

(I open the box to show him.)

Customer: “Oh, steal? No, I was just going to pay for them.”

Me: “I get it. You thought the cash registers were outside? That’s a common mistake! I’ll escort you to a check-out line.”

(I’ll give the customer credit; he did pay for the shoes. He probably didn’t enjoy them as much, since he didn’t get them for free.)

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Planning To Walk A Mile In Another Man’s Shoes