Hard Smoker

| Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Top

(I am working the till. A teenage boy walks up to the counter.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want [brand] smokes.”

Me: “Do you have ID?”

(He gives me a strange look.)

Customer: “Just get me the f***ing smokes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but if you-”

(He leans forwards and cracks his knuckles.)

Customer: “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.”

(I notice my coworker standing behind him. He’s an ex-boxer.)

Coworker: “Okay, let’s do this the hard way.”

(The customer turns around, yelps, and runs out the door.)

Coworker: *smiling* “Aw, I don’t think he likes me.”

This Customer Did A Number On You

| Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [business].”

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “Good morning. You’re through to [business].”

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Is this [person’s name]?”

Me: “No. You have the wrong number.”

Caller: “I don’t have the wrong number!”

Me: “Are you looking to buy a computer?”

Caller: “A computer?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. A computer.”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Then you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “I think I have the wrong number.”

Through The Looking Staff

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(I am standing next to the counter. A customer walks right up close to me, looking at me intently.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “What?! I don’t want to talk to you! I just wanted to look at you!”

Redefine Online

| KY, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the warehouse for a large, online-only retailer. I am standing outside talking to friends at the bus stop. A man drives past, slowing down to talk to me.)

Driver: “Hey, what’s this place here?”

Me: “It’s a warehouse for [online retailer]. This is where we ship out orders and whatnot.”

Driver: “So, I can go in there and pack up my own stuff to take home?”

Me: “No, you order things online. We process it, pack it, and then send it to you.”

Driver: “Wait. This isn’t a store?”

Me: “No, sir. We’re online only.”

Driver: “Well, then why do you have facilities? Doesn’t all that internet stuff come from the internet?”

The Formula For Laziness

| HI, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I was wondering if you had [brand] formula?”

Me: “If you hold on, I will go check.”

(I go and check. I come back on the line a few minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for holding, ma’am. We have the formula. Would you like me to hold some for you?”

Caller: “No, I’m in the parking lot. I just wanted to make sure you had it today before I came in.”

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