What Does The Foxxx Say?

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Working | February 6, 2014

Coworker: “Have you heard our hold music? It’s a parody of ‘What Does the Fox Say.'”

Manager: “What’s that? What’s ‘What Does The Fox Say?'”

Coworker: “You really don’t know?”

Manager: “I don’t have cable.”

Coworker: “It’s not a cable thing. It’s an internet thing. You do have internet, right?”

Manager: “Yeah, but I don’t go on your kinds of sites. I only go on adult sites.”

(A few seconds pass.)

Manager: *panic-stricken* “Not like THAT! Not those kinds of sites!”

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In A State Of Incontinence

| TN, USA | Working | February 6, 2014

(I’m buying gift cards. I don’t know whether to get one for my niece. She will be taking an extended trip to Europe soon, and I’m not sure whether the gift cards work in the store’s overseas locations.)

Me: “Do you know whether these cards can be used in other countries?”

Cashier: “I’m pretty sure they can. My friend just went to Hawaii, and her card worked just fine there.”

Me: “Umm… You do realize that Hawaii is a US state? Right?”

Cashier: “But it’s overseas!”

Customer Disservice

| TN, USA | Working | February 6, 2014

(I have a customer who has purchased a computer but decides she wants a specific support package. The package is 50% off with a purchase of a new computer. Tech support can’t process returns so I ask customer service for help.)

Me: “Customer service, can you process a return so she can repurchase this with the support package and the discount?”

Customer Service: “Ah, you don’t have to. Just sell her the support package and change the price on it. It’ll work out.”

Me: “You sure?”

Customer Service: “Yeah. If you can’t do it the system won’t let you. Don’t worry.”

Me: “Okay…”

(I ring up the support package at 50% off for the customer. The next day…)

Supervisor: “[MY NAME]! WHY DID YOU RING THIS UP FOR HALF PRICE?”

Me: “Customer Service told me to do it that way.”

Supervisor: “Thanks for the shrinkage!” *glares*

(That’s when I realized that the customer service worker did it on purpose. Having me written up for shrinkage was easier than doing a return properly.)

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Off-Color Customers

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | February 4, 2014

(A customer comes up to me with several bathmats. I am the only staff member in a large store; my coworker is at lunch.)

Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

Customer #1: “I need to know which of these you think will suit my bathroom.”

Me: “I have no idea what your bathroom looks like.”

Customer #1: “Well, it has…” *mutters off strange colour combination I don’t quite understand* “…and black on the floor. Which one suits my bathroom?”

(This goes back and forth for several minutes. Finally I have had enough.)

Me: *pointing to one* “That one will suit.”

Customer #1: “Are you sure? I need one for toilet, one for wash hands and one for…” *struggles to find word*

Me: “Bathtub?”

(I go and get him another set, but he is upset that there will be two contour mats for the toilet.)

Me: “You will need to wash that one more often, so two would be good.”

Customer #1: “I look for more. You come.”

Me: “No, you look. I am the only one in the store at the moment and there is another customer waiting.”

(I turn to the other customer, vainly hoping for an easy sale.)

Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

Customer #2: “I need jersey fabric. Can you show me where it is?”

Me: “Okay. I can show you quickly. I do need to back to the counter as I am the only one on the floor right now.”

(I take her to the jersey fabrics and point them out to her.)

Customer #2: “I need five colours.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll just leave you to choose them. Bring them to the counter when you are ready.”

Customer #2: “I need your help choosing them.”

Me: “Sorry. I really need to be back at the counter, as I’ve already explained.”

Customer #2: “How long until someone comes back and you can do it?”

Me: “20 minutes.”

Customer #2: “I’ll come back.”

(I go back to the counter to find that Customer #1 is back there.)

Customer #1: *with other bathmats* “Will these suit my bathroom?”

(I eventually sell Customer #1 the two sets of mats in the colour I chose. After 20 minutes, my coworker has come back and Customer #2 comes back in.)

Customer #2: *haughtily* “Can you serve me now?”

Me: “Yes, I can. Sorry about before. That customer was really doing my head in. Do you need help finding colours?”

Customer #2: “No. I know exactly what colours I need.”

(All Customer #2 wanted me for was to hold up fabric while she ‘ummed’ and ‘ahhed’ over the colour, as well as carry the very light rolls to the counter!)

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Acting Like They Were Born In A Bearn

| Austin, TX, USA | Right | February 3, 2014

(I work at a renaissance festival, where the workers are required to be in character when interacting with patrons. Two women are looking around the shop while their two boys, about seven or so, are horsing around with wooden swords. Sometimes I play along with the kids, but they’re getting out of control.)

Little Boy #1: “DIE! I’m gonna get you! I’m gonna kill you!”

Little Boy #2: “Not if I kill you first! RAAAAAAAAAAH!”

(The moms look a little resigned to all this and don’t say anything, but now the boys are starting to trip and hit each other so I step in and yell to be heard over them.)

Me: “Squires! Please take the arts of war outside my shop. We are a peaceful establishment!”

(They stop dead and look at me, dumbfounded. Then they hastily scoot outside and begin whacking each other again.)

Mom: “Wow, can you follow us around all day? They haven’t listened to us once!”

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