Best Just Throw In The Towel On This One

| Woodland Park, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the register with two hand towels. They are on clearance.)

Customer: “The sign said these were buy one, get one free.”

Me: “Well, actually they’re clearance. So you’re saving $2.”

Customer: “I want what the sign says.”

Me: “I’m sorry about the sign being wrong, but you’re actually saving more money by them being on clearance.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to what I’m saying. I don’t care about saving money.”

(I charge her the extra two dollars.)

This Customer Is Literally Peanuts

| Williamsburg, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer picks up a gift card. It has a picture of a pressed peanut plant on it.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s a peanut plant. We have a local artist that does designs in pressed flowers.”

Customer: “That’s not what this is.”

Me: “Well, a peanut plant isn’t a flower. But this is Virginia, and we do like our peanuts!

Customer: “I mean, this is not a plant!”

Me: “It’s a card with a picture of a plant on it.”

Customer: “A card? Well, you shouldn’t say it’s a plant then. It’s misleading.”

You Say Communist, I Say Consumerist

| Ellensburg, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any clothes that aren’t made in China?”

Me: “Well, we can–”

Customer: *whispers conspiratorially* “Don’t you know that they’re all communists there?”

(She grabs a shirt off of the rack, and looks at the tag.)

Customer: “Ah. Made in Vietnam. Much better.”

(She walks off triumphantly.)

The Punishment Is Fitting

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(There are no associates at our store just to clean the fitting rooms. It’s up to us to clean it out. I am checking the fitting rooms, when a mother and daughter come out. Clothes are everywhere. There are at least 20 pieces, inside out and on the floor.)

Daughter: *starts to pick up clothes* “Shouldn’t we clean this up?”

Mother: “No, honey. That’s their job. Leave it.”

(They walk out with one item in hand. They come back a moment later as I am cleaning.)

Mother: “Excuse me, miss. There is no one at the register. I need to buy this.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. I was cleaning this up. Give me one second and I will be right there.”

Mother: *turns red* “Oh, yes. Take your time.”

Clap-top Repair

, | MD, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I can’t get the microphone on my laptop to work. Do you think you could help?”

Me: “What were you trying to do with it?”

Customer: “I can’t get it to hear what I’m saying.”

Me: “That’s pretty common. The settings are probably a little off. Let me take a look.”

(I boot the computer. After switching a few settings, I get the microphone to work.)

Me: “There, you should be all set. The settings were just wrong. You should be fine now.”

(I clap into the microphone so she can see the sound bars going up and down. She thinks I am clapping in celebration of her now fixed computer. She begins to clap rapidly along with me.)

Customer: *clapping* “Yay! This is the best day ever!”

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