Mall Of The Living Dead

| AZ, USA | Right | February 11, 2014

(Today the store I work in is staying open later than the mall it’s a part of. Its external entrances are open, but there is a large, heavy metal grate over the entrance that connects it to the mall. I see a young girl walk by the entrance with an older female relative, holding her hand.)

Girl: “Oooh!” *moves towards the door*

Older Relative: “No, sweetie. That door is closed. We can’t go into the mall right now.”

Girl: “No, I was just thinking about it.”

Older Relative: “Thinking what, sweetie?”

Girl: “That it’d keep this place really good and protected if the zombies started attacking tonight!”

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Obama And Aliens And Popes, Oh My

| VA, USA | Right | February 11, 2014

(I am starting to shut down my food cart. It has a ‘Now Hiring’ sign, which lists the wages. A man in his 40s walks up to take a food sample.)

Customer: “You know, if you lived in North Dakota you could get an easier job at $15/hour.”

Me: “Uh, that’s nice.”

Customer: “But that’ll change when Obama takes over the country. The wages will drop then.”

Me: “… That’s okay. I’m actually planning on moving to Canada in the next couple of years.”

Customer: *suspicious look* “Canada… You know who I’d trust to run my health care?”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “You. But I wouldn’t trust the Government. They’re shady.

Me: “Yeah. The government does seem to hide a lot from us.”

Customer: “It’s all because of Israel and The Vatican, anyway. Have you heard of the Jesuits?”

Me: “… Kind of?”

Customer: “Well, the black pope is running the Vatican from Jerusalem. See, he thinks the Ark of the Covenant is there. That’s why he wants to sit atop it and rule the world from there. He’s the one who’s actually in control of the Vatican, and running the USA.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “That’s why the USA likes Israel so much! It’s all because the Vatican is baptizing aliens.”

Me: “Aliens like… foreigners?”

Customer: “No, aliens! You know… The greys, the lizard people…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Anyway, Obama. His name isn’t even Barack. He grew up in Indonesia, and people called him ‘Barry.'”

Me: “Well, Mitt Romney’s first name is actually Willard, which is worse in my opinion.”

Customer: “Hmm… That’s true…” *gives thoughtful suspicious look, as if he’s now distrustful of Romney*

Me: *coughs*

Customer: “Anyway. North Dakota. Think about it.” *walks off*

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Won’t Lego And Listen

| Long Beach, CA, USA | Working | February 11, 2014

(I’m picking up a video game my brother ordered online. When I approach the customer service desk, there are three employees working the front and two customers in front of me. After waiting a few minutes I go up to pick up my order.)

Me: “Hello. I’m here to pick up—”

Employee #1: “One moment, sir.”

(I assume he’s going back to restock, instead he turns around and spends 10 minutes gossiping in front of me with a coworker about some very promiscuous girl they know.)

Employee #1: “All right, sir. How can I help you?”

Me: “I have an online order to pick up. It’s—”

Employee #1: “Can I have your name?”

Me: “Well, I’m [Name], but the order—”

Employee #1: *throwing up his hand to stop me* “I don’t see that name on any of the online orders. Are you sure you ordered at this branch?”

Me: “Yes. If you will please—”

Employee #2: “Well, your name isn’t on the list, so you might want to check again.”

Me: “Listen! This order is for my brother, [Brother]. If you will look up the order you’ll see my name as the alternate for pick up.”

Employee #1: *glaring at me now* “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it.”

(Instead of going to the back where all the pre-ordered items are supposed to be held, he instead heads to the other side of the store. I spend another five minutes waiting before he finally shows up with the game and, oddly enough, a 350+ piece Lego set.)

Employee #1: “Here’s your order.”

(I’m a bit confused since my brother only mentioned the game.)

Me: “Are you sure? Can I get a receipt with this?”

Employee #1: “We don’t give receipts for online orders. Now, if you’ll please move, sir, you’re wasting everyone’s time.”

(I simply walked out rather than try to correct him. I found out later they never charged my brother for the Lego set.)

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Deaf To Reason, Part 3

| CA, USA | Working | February 10, 2014

(I am known by my manager for being a bit too quiet sometimes, a side effect of my social anxiety. A customer approaches me holding a shirt and a bit of paper and a pen. I understand immediately what the issue is as we have a short back and forth of price checking by writing to each other on the scratch paper. My manager witnesses this exchange and pipes up.)

Manager: “[My Name], I know it’s crowded right now, but please use your words.”

Me: “She’s deaf.”

Related:
Deaf To Reason, Part 2
Deaf To Reason

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Deaf To Reason, Part 2

, | Darwin, NT, Australia | Right | February 7, 2014

(I am at a supermarket checkout.)

Me: “Hey, there! How are you this eveni—”

Customer: “You realise there’s a man in here with a dog, right?”

Me: “Oh? Maybe it’s a guide dog or something?”

Customer: “No, no! It doesn’t have the guide dog harness! Really! The beast is sticking its nose in the fresh bread!”

(She proceeds to point over my shoulder, and I decide to look. To my amusement, it is a man who had come to my primary school when I was younger, to teach us about dogs that help people with hearing issues.)

Me: “Actually, I know that guy. The dog is actually there to help him because of his hearing being—”

Customer: “I don’t CARE what the dog is there for! It’s not a guide dog and needs to be removed! If you’re not going to help, call your manager, please!”

(Exasperated and a bit peeved at the customer’s behaviour, I grudgingly do so while she defiantly hold up the line.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “That MAN over there has brought some flea-ridden dog in here while he’s shopping! Get him out of here at once!”

Me: “I tried to explain to her it’s a hearing aid dog, but she’s not listening.”

Customer: “I was listening you little cretin! Hearing aid dogs don’t—”

Manager: “Actually they do, and this man is well known for coming through with his dog to help with his shopping. The kids love him, we love him, and you just appear to want to deny that for sake of argument.”

Customer: “How DARE you! I’m a paying customer!”

(By this point my manager asked her to pay her due and leave. She does… only to come back in and flat out abuse the guy for making HER look like a fool. Cops had to be called for her to be removed.)

Related:
Deaf To Reason

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