Abusing The Language Barrier

| Houston, TX, USA | Top

(I am rolling some fabric for sale. A woman and her daughter approach the basket full of unidentified fabrics that I’m working on.)

Customer, to her daughter: “Pregúntale a la muchacha si hay más de esta.” (“Ask the girl if there is more of this.”)

Me: “¿De cual tela, señora?” (“Which fabric, ma’am?”)

Customer: “How dare you?”

Me: “I-I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You’re all the same. How dare you assume I don’t speak English!”

Me: “Ma’am, you asked your daughter to ask me a question in Spanish instead of asking me yourself. I assumed you were more comfortable with Spanish.”

Customer: “Well, I speak English just fine.”

Me: “I see that, yes. I was just trying to make things easier–”

Customer: “I just didn’t want to speak to YOU.”

Getting Shorted

| Miami, FL, USA | Top

(At our store, we sell individual tea bags for fifty cents each. Free hot tap water and a foam cup come with each bag sold. One customer, a man in his thirties, has been coming in and buying a single bag of tea every Sunday for two years, but he never takes the water or the cup.)

Customer: “I’d like a refund of $50 please.”

Me: “We don’t sell anything that expensive.”

Customer: “Well, I bought 100 of those herbal mixes and they haven’t done a d*** thing.”

Me: “You mean the tea you buy every week?”

Customer: “No, the herbal mixes in the little yellow packets.”

Me: “Yes, that’s tea.”

Customer: “You mean it won’t make my man parts larger?”

Me: “No, it’s a beverage.”

Customer: “Oh. Never mind, then.”

(He leaves, disappointed. I never saw him again.)

Virtually Clueless

| Columbia, MO, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you carry these tires in a whitewall?”

Me: “No, we don’t. You might have more luck if you check our website, sir. It’s [website].”

Customer: “So, where’s that at? Is it…here?”

Doing Favors On Your Knees

| Saskatchewan, Canada | Religion

(I am on my knees cleaning up a display that has very low shelves.)

Customer: *whispering* “Make sure you say some for me while you’re down there.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well, I just thought since you were on your knees you must be praying. I could use some prayers.”

Me: “I’m just cleaning the bottom shelf.”

Customer: “Well, can you say one for me while you’re down there?”

It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer in his late 30s comes through my line with a few food items, a pack of printer paper, and a can of compressed air.)

Me: “Hi. Find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “I did, thank you.”

(When I scan the canned air, the register automatically asks for ID.)

Me: “May I please see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure, but what for?”

Me: “It’s for the canned air. The register won’t process an age-restricted product without actually scanning an ID.”

Customer: “Why is it age-restricted?”

Me: “Well, kids inhale it to get high. It really messes you up.”

Customer: “Really?”

(He looks down at his order.)

Customer: “Think I should get another can?”

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