A regular customer with a PhD brought a timer to me.
Customer: “Why isn’t this working anymore?”
Me: “Have you changed the battery?”
Customer: “It has batteries?”
A few months later, he came in with a headlamp.
Customer: “This isn’t working. And I changed the batteries!”
I fixed it.
Customer: “How did you do that?”
Me: “I replaced the bulb.”
Customer: “It has a bulb?”
Our store manager is a huge man. He’s very kind and wouldn’t hurt a fly, but if you don’t know him, he’s extremely intimidating.
On one of his days off, he comes in dressed in ordinary clothing to do some shopping. As it happens, he is in my line at the checkout, patiently waiting while the customer in front of him is arguing with me about our sale offer. The current offer is to buy one and get another for half price.
Customer: “You’re charging too much! These should only be $10, not $15!”
Me: “The price is $10 per item, so buy one for $10, the second for $5.”
Customer: “No, it’s half price! They should both be $5!”
Me: “No, it’s buy one, get one at half price. You only get one of them for $5.”
Customer: “Yes, half price! $5! Not $10!”
Store Manager: *To me* “He does not understand. Explain as you would a child.”
The customer turns around ready to punch somebody, sees a man a head taller than him and fifty pounds of muscle heavier, and turns back to me.
Customer: “$15, you say?”
He pays and leaves, still looking confused.
Me: “[Store Manager], have I told you you’re awesome?”
I work customer calls for a retail company that has both physical and online shopping.
One day, I get a call from a lady who explains to me that she ordered a rabbit planter online that is “bad quality,” and she would like us to replace it.
Me: “I can help with that. May I have the order number?”
Customer: “I don’t have that.”
Me: “Okay, no problem. What email was it ordered under?”
Customer: “[Email #1]. You know, this planter was shown outside in photos online. I would have expected it to hold up better!”
Me: “I’m sorry about that! Hmm, I don’t see anything under that email. Is there a different one we can try?”
Customer: “Maybe [email #2]? Honestly, you people are ripping customers off with this shoddy craftsmanship.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t see that one, either. What was the shipping address?”
We go through a few more points, with her ripping on the planter between every comment. I finally find her account, and something on it makes me pause.
Me: “I’ve found your order. I’m sorry, ma’am, but what did you say was wrong with the planter?”
Customer: “The paint is chipping off it! It’s advertised as being for outdoors, but it’s chipped!”
Me: “I see. I’m sorry, ma’am, but it looks like you ordered this planter in 2018; it is three years old at this point.”
Customer: “So, can you send me a replacement?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but our window for returns and replacements is sixty days.”
Customer: “So, are you saying you can’t do anything for me?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but no.”
Customer: “Well, I’ll have you know you’ve just lost a customer!”
And she hung up. To be honest, I don’t think losing a customer whose last order was three years ago is going to be much of a concern.
This story is part of our crazy-online-shoppers roundup!
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Read the crazy-online-shoppers roundup!
I live in Florence, Italy, and a tourist came up to me once to ask:
Tourist: “Why is every shop selling Pinocchio gadgets?”
That day she learned that Disney didn’t invent this character and that it was formerly a book. She was happy to learn and went along with her day, but to me and my colleagues, it sounded like a really dumb question.
That story always makes me giggle, but I wonder if this woman was really oblivious or the news I gave her was obvious just in Italy.
Since the health crisis began, we’ve dealt with people saying they can’t wear masks and they obviously can. Today, this woman comes in.
Me: “Can you please put on a mask, ma’am?”
Customer: “I can’t; I have a medical exemption.”
Where I work, we can only say to stay six feet away from people, so I do. I guess two of my coworkers asked her, as well, so she starts claiming she is being harassed. She comes through my line.
Me: “How’s your day going, ma’am?”
Customer: “I was harassed into wearing a mask!”
Me: *Politely* “We didn’t mean anything by it, ma’am. It’s part of our job.”
Customer: “No! I was singled out!”
She starts swearing.
Me: “Ma’am, there’s no need for that.”
Customer: “So, it’s okay to get harassed but not okay to say f***? I’m going to call the head office about your store!”
I give her a card with the number to head office. She continues to raise her voice and yell. I am just at the end of my rope, and I just think, “F*** it; I don’t care if I get in trouble.”
Me: “Your lungs are working pretty well now, aren’t they?”
I don’t know if she heard me or not, but it was very satisfying.
