By Virtue Of The Authority Vested In Me, Enjoy 20% Off

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer is a very pregnant woman in the process of being rung up and has just seen the subtotal on her purchase. She then awkwardly drops to one knee in front of the register.)

Customer: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I really need you to marry me right now. That would get me a discount, right?”

(Four or five awkward seconds pass as I stand there, speechless and not sure what to say in response.)

Customer: “Hurry up. My knee is starting to hurt!”

Don’t Take Customers At Face Value, Part 2

| King of Prussia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you know who you look like? You bear a striking resemblance to her!”

Me: “No, who?”

Customer: “Casey Anthony!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: *slowly backs away*

Related:
Don’t Take Customers At Face Value

Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something

| San Diego, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

(A customer comes in with a laptop that he bought and a laptop sleeve that he got for free with the laptop.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, this sleeve doesn’t fit the laptop.”

Me: “Okay, that’s no problem, sir. I don’t have any larger sleeves, but you can take a look at the laptop bags.”

Customer: “No, I just want my money back.”

Me: “Well, sir, you didn’t pay anything for the sleeve. It came for free with the laptop as part of a promotion. I can return it for you, but you won’t get any money back.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, sir. I can go ask the manager, if you like.”

Customer: “Do that.”

(I go in the back and talk to the manager, who tells me exactly what I just told the customer. Then, I head back out to the front.)

Me: “Well, sir, the manager told me the same thing. I can return it, but you won’t get any money back.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable! Who do you people think you are? I want my money back!”

Me: “But, sir, you didn’t pay anything for it.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! Go get your manager! I’ll get your a** fired!”

Green Is My Least Favorite Color

| New York, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the register with a few small items carrying large, seemingly empty purse.)

Me: “Would you like a bag?”

Customer: *scoffs* “Do they really have you ask that?”

Me: “Well, yes. Some people like to be green by not taking a bag.”

Customer: “Don’t ever say that again. It makes the store sound cheap. Yes, I want a bag.”

(I place her items in a bag and she storms off in a huff, shoving the bag in her purse.)

Exorcisms Not Included, Part 2

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

(We have candy canes leftover from a holiday event sitting on a shelf above my register. A woman has just left her seven or eight year old daughter guarding a second load of purchases while she puts the rest in the car. The daughter is clutching a care-worn doll.)

Girl: *very politely* “Excuse me, I noticed you seem to have a bowl of candy canes up there. May I have one?”

Me: “Sure, as long as your mother says it’s alright.”

Girl: “Well then, I guess you will have to ask her, or I will have to ask, or…” *lowers her voice* “…the doll’s soul will have to ask.”

Me: “You know what? I can ask her. Yeah. I can totally ask her.”

Related:
Exorcisms Not Included

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