Doesn’t Know A Lot

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Working | April 29, 2014

(We are shopping for a new television several years ago before everyone started getting flat panels. We are having a hard time deciding which one to get that fit our price and size requirements. My husband finally gets an employee to pay attention to us.)

Husband: “This EnergyStar, how much power do these actually save you?”

(The employee stutters a little bit before answering.)

Employee: “I just started this job. I don’t know. Let me go ask my manager.”

(We must have waited a good solid five minutes or more when he finally came back, breathless.)

Employee: *dead serious* “He said, a lot.”

(The employee completes this with hands held up and parted about 18 inches apart. My husband can’t contain himself, and just starts laughing, and thanks the employee.)

Security Going All ‘Full Metal Jacket’

| Orange County, CA, USA | Working | April 29, 2014

(A mother and father are helping their young daughter put on her hoodie jacket before leaving the store.)

Security Guard: “Folks, can I just see your receipt real quick?”

Father: *handing over the receipt* “Sure, here you go.” *turns back to helping his daughter*

Security Guard: “No, I need to see the receipt for the jacket.”

Father: “But we came in with this jacket.”

Security Guard: “So, if I go into the family restroom I won’t find the tags to that jacket in the garbage?”

Mother: “NO! We came in with this jacket. It’s not even a jacket from this store.”

(At this point the guard insists the little girl take her jacket off so he can examine the brand label.)

Security Guard: “Well, now I know you’re lying. If this isn’t from our store then why does the label show our brand?”

Father: “It came from [Competitor]. You don’t even sell this brand!”

Security Guard: “[Store] has something called ‘owned brands’ which means we’re the only ones that sell certain brands. This is our brand. There’s no way this came from [Competitor]. You want to try this again, or should we check the surveillance video and call the police?”

Father: *getting visibly angry* “WE ARE NOT SHOPLIFTERS. CHECK YOUR D*** VIDEO!”

Security Guard: “You know what? Just go to the service counter and pay for it and I’ll just let this slide.”

(The mother must have a light-bulb moment, because before the father can flip out she quickly agrees.)

Mother: “Okay, okay. We’ll pay for the jacket.”

(The family comes to my counter, followed by the very smug security guard. They hand the jacket over to me and ask if I’m able to ring it up.)

Me: “I’d like to help you, but this is obviously old and worn. Not to mention it’s not even from [Store]. This is [Competitor]’s brand.”

Security Guard: “This is ours. I buy this brand here all the time for my girls.”

Me: “Even if this were ours, I doubt we would have sold a jacket with stains. Plus we don’t sell this brand.”

(This unfortunately goes on for several minutes, the guard insisting that the family had stolen it. Finally, fed up, the family leaves the hoodie at my counter and storms out. Later that day a lead finds the jacket under my counter.)

Lead: “Does this need to go to lost and found?”

Me: “No. [Security Guard] ‘busted’ a family shoplifting it.”

Lead: “… but we don’t sell [Brand]. How were they stealing it if it’s not ours?”

Me: “I don’t know. Ask [Security Guard].”

(She calls the guard over to ask him what happened. He recounts the story, pretty much exactly as it happened, only completely oblivious to his mistake.)

Lead: “You know this isn’t our brand, right? Plus it’s totally trashed. Who the h*** would buy a nasty, worn sweat shirt like this? Let alone steal it?”

Security Guard: “…”

Lead: “So, let me see if I understand. You stopped a family for shoplifting a shirt that didn’t come from our store, is obviously old, and made a little girl leave without her jacket?”

Security Guard: “Well, how was I supposed to know?!” *turns to me* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Me: “Seriously?”

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Doesn’t Want To Interrupt Work With Work

| NC, USA | Working | April 29, 2014

(I’m looking for a particular hair product and having trouble finding it. I see a woman in a red shirt and khakis in the next aisle, apparently stocking shelves.)

Me: “Hi, I was wondering if—”

Woman: “I don’t work here.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

(After shopping for a while, I go to the front to make my purchases, and the same woman is working at one of the cash registers.)

Me: “I thought you didn’t work here?”

Woman: “I just didn’t want to stop what I was doing. Sorry.”

The Mother Of Bad Pickup Lines

| FL, USA | Right | April 29, 2014

(I’m cleaning behind the registers alone when a customer comes up to the counter. He looks about 30 and is a little unkempt looking. I’m 18. He’s been staring at me and overall been acting creepy and talking about how he can’t buy more shoes or socks because his mother won’t let him. Finally at the end of the transaction, this happens:)

Customer: “You know… I think you’re very attractive… Would you, maybe.. Like to go out some time?”

Me: “Thank you. That’s very sweet but I’m still in high school.”

Customer: “Oh, what grade?”

Me: “12.”

Customer: “I don’t mind.”

Me: “Maybe another time, but thank you.”

(He then proceeds to ask again and I decline a second time.)

Customer: “So, where do you live?”

Me: “Oh, around here.”

Customer: “Well I live in [retirement apartment complex].”

(I assume this means he lives with his mother. He then proceeds to give me his email address and name on a post it note which I accept because at that point I just wanted him out. He’s been seen in the shopping centre near my store but hasn’t come back yet. Thank god!)

In Soviet Russia, Language Speaks You

| Paramus, NJ, USA | Working | April 28, 2014

(My mother and I are walking around the local mall to do some window shopping. It’s the holiday season, so kiosk employees are being particularly pushy.)

Kiosk Worker: “Ladies! Can I interest you in some hair products today? You, little lady, step up here! Just let me show you something!”

Me: “No, thank you.” *in Russian, to my mother* “I swear they get pushier every single year.”

Kiosk Worker: *also in Russian* “Come on ladies, please?”

Mom: “Now they speak our language, too?! Let’s get out of here!”

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