Role-play In Everyday Life

| Onley, VA, USA | At The Checkout

(I am working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a lot of school supplies.)

Me: “Let me guess, you’re a teacher, right?”

Customer #1: “Guilty as charged.”

(We start talking about teaching as I’m bagging her merchandise. Another customer starts unloading her cart onto my conveyor.)

Customer #2: “Hey! Can you guess what I am?”

(I take a look at her items. They are all fresh produce, fruits, and veggies.)

Me: “I…uh…”

Customer #2: “I’M A RABBIT!”

Introducing The Dumbbook Pro

| Connecticut, USA | Technology

(Note: A new operating system has just come out for our computers.)

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to get the new OS but I’m having some trouble. It gives me an error when try to download it from the App Store.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of error is it giving? Are you running version 10.6?”

Customer: “Yeah, it just won’t let me get it. I don’t know why.”

Me: “How old is the computer?”

Customer: “A couple years.”

Me: “That’s strange. You should be able to get it. You might want to bring the computer in to have us take a look. What kind of computer is it?”

Customer: “A Dell.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It’s a Dell. I got it a couple if years ago. It’s running Windows XP.”

Me: “Ah. Well, unfortunately, the new OS is Mac OS X. You would need a Mac to be able to run it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s really inconvenient!”

User Has Exceeded Maximum Cognitive Power

| Australia | Extra Stupid

(We have two separate check-out counters on opposite ends of our store. One counter has a self-serve photocopier next to it. I am working on the side with the copier when a middle-aged woman approaches me.)

Customer: *blank expression* “I need some photocopies.”

Me: “Sure. The copier is just around the side there.”

Customer: “But I don’t know how to use it.”

Me: “All right, no problem. I’ll teach you.”

(I lead her around to the photocopier. Before I can instruct her, she interrupts me, looking bewildered.)

Customer: “Oh, no…it’s too complicated for me. I can’t do it. You’ll have to do it for me. I just don’t know how to work these things!”

Me: “Well, you put what you want to copy face down in the top left corner.”

(The customer puts it in the middle.)

Me: “No, the top left.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Left.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(I move the original to the correct spot and press copy.)

Me: “Okay, so, was it just one copy? That’ll be 20 cents.”

(The customer stares at her hand. She is holding a 10 cent piece and a 20 cent piece. She looks at each of them for about ten seconds.)

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “20 cents.”

(The customer turns to stare at the coins in her hand some more. Finally, she decides to pay with the 20 cent coin and leaves. About half an hour later, I am working on the opposite counter by myself when she finds me again.)

Customer: “I need some more photocopies.”

Me: “Sure. Well, the copier is just over the other side.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Over there. Where it was before.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Just next to the other counter. Someone over there will be able to help.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “I can’t help you from here as I have to stay on this counter. You’ll have to go over the other side where the copier is if you want photocopies.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(At this point I am certain her brain has actually come to a complete stand-still and she has ceased to function entirely. I call someone to temporarily watch my counter while I take her to finish her copies.)

No Bar And No Bite, Part 2

| Manchester, UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(It’s our company policy to not give refunds. It’s stated at all the till points, on receipts, and if a customer asks, we tell them the exact policy. It’s fairly known and it’s also been in effect for years. I’m also studying to be a barrister while working at this store part-time.)

Customer: “I’d like to get my money back on this.”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s our policy not to give refunds.”

Customer: “That’s illegal.”

Me: “It’s actually well within the law.”

Customer: “It’s not. I’m a barrister…I should know!”

Me: “Really? What firm are you with? I’m actually after getting a bit of work experience in law.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve not technically passed the bar yet.”

Me: “So you’re not a barrister then?”

Customer: *goes red* “Just give me a gift card then.”

Related:
No Bar And No Bite

Priceless Priced Less

| MO, USA | Uncategorized

(This lady has been in the store for at least an hour, building a large pile of merchandise.)

Customer: “Okay, I’m ready to check out. You can take off the sale prices.”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You can take the discounts off. I won’t be needing them after all. The insurance will reimburse me, so it doesn’t matter how much I spend.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can’t exactly take off the sale prices. I would need to call my manager.”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it, I’ll just pay the sale prices. My shed burnt down, you know. I have to replace everything. Priceless items! My grandma gave me a popcorn maker for Christmas when I was a kid that was in there! I had custom-made curtains worth thousands of dollars in there! Heirloom dishes! So many things irreplaceable!”

Me: “Wow, that’s awful! So, if I might ask, why were these irreplaceable items in the shed, and not your house?

Customer: “Oh, it was all from some garage sale.”

Page 349/558First...347348349350351...Last