There Is A Meth To This Madness

, | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I live in New Mexico, a state now made famous for ‘Breaking Bad.’ I receive a lot of calls from tourists wanting to see the places where ‘Breaking Bad’ was filmed.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [business name]. My name is [name]; how can I help you?”

Tourist: “Yes, I’d like to find out where Walter White lives.”

Me: “Uh, who?”

Tourist: “Gosh are all you people here stupid? Walter White, the guy who sells meth!”

Me: “Oh, that Walter White. Well, sir, I don’t think you know this but, that’s actually just a TV show. He doesn’t live here.”

Tourist: “NO, YOU’RE LYING! I HEARD FROM A FRIEND THAT IF I COULD MEET HIM, I COULD GET SOME GOOD METH!”

Me: “Okay, sir, well I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. Have a nice day.”

(I hang up, but the tourist calls back within 10 seconds.)

Tourist: “You can’t lie to me; I know you know where he lives! I know you want the good stuff all for yourself.”

Me: “Sir, it’s a TV show; it’s not real. I’m sorry; I don’t know where you can find any drugs, but if you have a problem I can get you a phone number of a company that can help you out.”

Tourist: “NO! I JUST WANT WALTER WHITE’S NUMBER OR ADDRESS! I WANT TO MEET AND TALK WITH HIM!”

Me: “Sir, he’s not real!”

Tourist: “WELL, WHERE DO YOU WORK?! BECAUSE IF HE’S NOT REAL, THEN YOU’RE NOT REAL! AND IF YOU’RE NOT REAL, THEN I GUESS NOTHING IS REAL IN THIS STATE!”

(I go ahead and get my manager and ask him what I should do.)

Tourist: “IS ANYBODY STILL THERE!? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SERVICE HERE?!”

Manager: “Sorry about that, sir; I can help you. Sir, you have proven to me that you deserve to come in contact with Mr. White. Here’s his phone number and address.”

(My manager gives the tourist the police precinct phone number and address.)

Manager: “Drive here, and wait outside before giving him a call. Make sure to give him a detailed description of what you want, and what you are driving and wearing.”

Also Need Some Iron(y) Supplements

| GA, USA | Health & Body

(I am at a store specializing in healthy foods, supplements, vitamins, and such. My friend is carefully browsing through the supplements.)

Employee: “Can I help you with anything?”

Friend: “I don’t think so. I can’t remember what I was looking for.”

Employee: *jokingly* “Wouldn’t it be funny if you were looking for memory aids?”

Friend: *gasps* “THAT’S IT!”

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Went

| NH, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(A woman approaches the register and sets down four half-eaten chocolate bars from our candy aisle.)

Customer: “I sampled these chocolates and didn’t like the consistency, so I don’t want them anymore.”

(The customer starts to walk away.)

Coworker: “Okay, well, I’m sorry about that, but you’re still going to have to pay for these.”

Customer: “But I didn’t like them!”

Coworker: “Right, but you can’t just take things without paying. What made you think that would be okay?”

Customer: “THEY WERE JUST SITTING IN MY CART! WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!”