Making A Spectacle Of Himself

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(I am a manager at a small sunglasses store in a mall. I am not currently in the store.)

Customer: “Yo, clean these for me.”

(He throws the glasses at the clerk.)

Clerk: “Oh, okay. Here let me get a cloth and the cleaning spray.”

(The glasses land on the ground because they were thrown.)

Clerk: “Let me get those, and get them clean for y—”

Customer: “B****, you wrecked my glasses! The icon’s missing; you owe me a brand new pair!”

(Icons fit on the side of the glasses to jazz them up.)

Clerk: “Sir, you threw your glasses at me. I didn’t even see if you had the icons. Let’s look and see if there’s one on the floor here.”

(The clerk very patiently starts searching, even going so far as to get a broom and try and sweep under displays, just in case.)

Customer: “You wrecked my glasses; give me a new pair now!”

Clerk: “Sir, I can’t do that. Your glasses are right here; they’re fine. You know what? I’ll find you another pair of icons, on me, for the trouble.”

(Icons cost $15 a pair. My staff know that we’d authorize them to take a loss on such a small item to make a customer’s day.)

Customer: “B****, these were special order. I’m not leaving until you give me two pairs of these sunglasses to make up for you f****** up.”

Clerk: “I’m not giving you any sunglasses. I offered you a free pair of icons. Don’t swear at me again, or I will call security and have you escorted out.”

Customer: “Get your manager now, b****!”

(I live across the street from the mall. My staff knows I’ll come over for any reason. My clerk calls me, and I can hear she’s almost crying. I tell her I’ll be there in 10 minutes. The clerk hangs up with me and tells the customer.)

Customer: “I ain’t got 10 minutes to wait for some other b**** to get here. Give me two pairs of glasses to make up for this s***, NOW!”

Clerk: “Look, I’m not giving you anything. I’ll tell you now, my manager’s not going to give you anything either. If you can’t wait for her, leave me your name and number, and I’ll have her call you.”

Customer: “Alright, you tell that b**** to call me, and I’ll get my free glasses.”

Clerk: “Alright, can I have your name and number?”

Customer: “No, you can’t have my personal info. Who the f*** do you think you are?”

Clerk: “I need your name and number if you want the manager to call you.”

Customer: “Alright, you tell that b**** my name is Mutha-f**** Jones.”

(The customer stomps out. I arrive a couple minutes later to an empty store, save for a shaken clerk.)

Me: “Where’s the guy who’s freaking out?”

Clerk: “He said he couldn’t wait, but you can call him to discuss it. Here’s his info.”

(She hands me a card with his name on it.)

Me: “Seriously?”

Clerk: “Yep. Maybe you can call 411 and get them to look up Mr Jones for you.”

Me: “I’ll get right on that.”

(I look at the security footage, and am pretty sure he doesn’t have the icons to begin with. The crazy dude actually comes back. I call security and give him h*** for trying to scam my clerk.)

Spicing Up The Deal(er)

| MD, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

(I work at an adult store that used to sell a fake type of incense called ‘Spice’. It is now illegal, so we no longer carry it. Every so often, an undercover cop comes in asking for it—just to make sure we aren’t doing anything illegal. There are two other customers of a shady sort in the store already.)

Undercover Cop: “Hey, do you guys carry any Spice, still?”

Me: “No, sir, we no longer carry that product.”

Undercover Cop: “You sure you guys don’t have any in the back?”

Me: “I am, sir; it is illegal in Maryland. It is also a serious drug charge if caught with it, so we no longer carry it in any shape, way or form.”

Undercover Cop: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

(One of the shady customers approaches the guy, unaware that he’s a cop.)

Customer #1: “Hey, I got some stuff in my car you might be interested in.”

Undercover Cop: “Really? Show me.”

(I watch the three of them walk out the store. I quickly grab a broom and begin ‘sweeping’ by the front door. I see the two guys open the trunk of their car, and watch the cop’s eye go wide. I just stand at the door and watch the dumbest ever drug dealers get arrested in front of my store.)

The Bigger The Bigotry, The Harder They Fall

| GA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(I drive to a local franchise retail store. I walk in to find a friend of mine, who is 22, but looks much younger because she’s so small, working as a cashier. She runs out to give me a quick hug.)

Friend: “Hey! How have you been? My husband and my cousin are in the store right now! You should say hi to them!”

(A customer in his 30s in a ball cap, t-shirt, and overalls, rolls his eyes and comments.)

Customer: “Hey, b****! Get over here and do your job, and quit flirting with your boyfriend!”

Friend: “Sorry, sir, I haven’t seen him in months.”

Customer: “I don’t give a f***, w****! Get your a** back here, and ring up my stuff! That’s all you’re good for anyway!”

(I start to step-up to the guy, when she interrupts me.)

Friend: “First of all, I am married. Secondly, my husband is right there.”

(She points at him as he rounds the corner.)

Friend: “He’s a prison guard. His cousin with him is a pro wrestler. You may have seen him on Monday nights if you have cable. My friend here, who I just stopped from kicking your a** before either of them got here, is just a man who trains MMA fighters. Now… how may I help you?”

(The customer drops his items and wallet and runs out the door before we can stop him. I decide to be a good samaritan and return it to him by finding out where he lives from his ID. The look on his face when I returned them to him at home was priceless.)