They’re Magically Cannibalicious!

| Northern Ireland, UK | Right | March 20, 2014

(I work in a small store in Northern Ireland where we sell some American imports but for quite a bit more expensive prices.)

Me: “That’ll be £6.95, ma’am.”

Customer: “How dare you try to scam your customers?!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Selling Lucky Charms for seven dollars? That is preposterous. At home they are only two dollars in Target.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we do have to import them… This IS Northern Ireland.”

Customer: “This is part of Ireland?”

Me: “I guess you could say that.”

Customer: “I’m so sorry! I didn’t think about how I might be offending you! Don’t worry this cereal isn’t really leprechauns. We wouldn’t eat your relatives!” *pays and leaves without cereal*

(My manager got a call later that night saying that the cereal was for me and that she was very sorry for ‘acting like some sort of cannibal.’)

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Always The Same Old Yarn

| USA | Working | March 20, 2014

(I am placed on a medication that made me gain a lot of weight very quickly, especially around the midsection. Thusly, people who had seen me before weren’t entirely used to seeing me with extra weight. I am looking for some yarn to knit a baby sweater for a friend, and I have the pattern out so I see the exact requirements for the yarn.)

Owner: “Oh look. You’re back! And I can see why you haven’t been by in so long! When are you due?”

(This is when she places her hand on my stomach.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not pregnant.”

Owner: “Sure you are! Look at that belly!”

Me: *with a great deal of sarcasm since people are now beginning to stare* “Yes, thank you for bringing my attention to my weight gain. I’m not entirely sure how I would have gotten pregnant in the first place, seeing as I’ve never had sex, but sure, we’ll go with that instead of ‘my sister is having her first baby and I’m making things for my niece or nephew.'”

Owner: “Oh, stop telling lies. There’s nothing wrong if you’re not sure who the father is…”

(That was when I left and never went back. Her yarn selection sucked, anyway.)

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Driving On Snake Oil

| Concord, NH, USA | Working | March 18, 2014

Manager: “Hey, I just wanted to see if you could stay a little after your shift. [Coworker] called and said she might be late.”

Me: “Yeah, no problem. Everything okay?”

Manager: “I, uh, don’t really know. She said she was afraid her car might explode.”

Me: “Her… car might explode?”

Manager: “That’s what she said.”

Me: “So, she’s going to be late because she’s waiting for a ride?”

Manager: “No. She said she’s going to be driving in. She just wanted to let us know she’d be late if her car explodes.”

Me: “If her car explodes she probably won’t have to worry about being late.”

Manager: “I said the same thing, but she didn’t quite seem to understand.”

Me: “I can’t believe you trust this girl to run a register.”

Manager: “Be nice. I know she’s a little flaky, but she’s not that bad.”

(Twenty minutes pass and my coworker walks through the door right on time. She quickly walks up to the counter where the manager and I are standing.)

Coworker: “Hi! I made it on time!”

Me: “Obviously. So I’m guessing your car didn’t blow up.”

Coworker: “No, thank god. I was really worried because there was this weird light flashing by the speed thingy.”

Manager: “Wait, you thought your car would blow up because a warning light came on?”

Coworker: *nods* “It was really scary!”

Me: “So, what did this light look like?”

Coworker: “Oh, it’s some weird watering can thingy with the word ‘oil’ written on it. What do you think it means?”

Manager: *stares for a moment* “I can’t believe I trust you to run a register…”

Me: “Be nice.”

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Should Have Kicked This Gift Horse In The Mouth

| NJ, USA | Working | March 17, 2014

(It is gift card season. A customer is looking for a gift card in a certain price range; however, none of our services are in that range. She leaves and my boss runs after her and drags her out of her car and leads her back into our spa.)

Boss: “Can I ask who this is for?”

Customer: “My fiancé’s brother.”

Boss: “Okay. Soon to be family, so you want to get him something nice.”

Customer: “Yes, but this is just too much money that I do not have.”

Boss: “Now, just listen to me. Are you listening to me? I don’t think this is too much. Remember, cheap is not always better.”

Customer: *begins to cry* “I understand but I am trying to save money for my wedding.”

Boss: “You’re not listening to me. I would be upset if my girlfriend’s sister didn’t get me a nice gift. If you’re not going to bother spending money on something really nice, that they would really enjoy, why buy them a gift at all?”

(She ends up buying the gift card, still in tears over the whole thing.)

Boss: “You are making the right choice today. I am glad you made the right choice.”

Not An Interview You Want To Pass(word)

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Working | March 14, 2014

(I’ve been called in for an interview at a store. Things seem to be going well until…)

Interviewer: “All right, so all I need is your Facebook password.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Interviewer: “I need your Facebook password. We do this as part of a check to make sure you’re not using social media for criminal activities.”

Me: “I think I’m going to pass. Thank you for the opportunity, but this job isn’t for me.”

Interviewer: “What’s the problem?! Do you have something to hide?”

Me: “Not at all. It’s just that if I mention a disability, political stance, or religion that I may have on Facebook, and you saw that, it would be the same as asking me and that’s illegal.”

Interviewer: “Uh…”

Me: “Also, giving out my password to my Facebook account, or even just letting you access my account at ALL is a violation of Facebook policy. If I violate Facebook’s policy just to make you happy, how could you trust me to not violate [Company]’s policies?”

Interviewer: “Er…”

Me: “As I said, thank you for the opportunity, but this company isn’t the right company for me.”

(Interestingly enough, asking for Facebook passwords or access to Facebook accounts became illegal in several states in January of 2013 shortly after it was reported on by several news companies.)

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