Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 6

, | Romania | Uncategorized

(A customer comes in asking about a monitor. She needs convincing that it is brand new, and that we do not sell second hand.)

Customer: “Where do I adjust the brightness and contrast ?”

Me: “From the menu, like in a TV.”

(I bring up the menu on the screen to show her.)

Customer: “So, is that included in the price?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “The menu.”

Me: “Yes. The menu comes with the price.”

Related:
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 5
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 4
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3

Not Quite At The Top Of Their Game

| Culver City, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like to buy [game].”

(I note that the game is offered on multiple platforms.)

Me: “Okay. Would you like it for the computer?”

Customer: “No…I’d like it for my kids.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15

| Hermitage, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes in to pay her [retail store] card bill.)

Me: “Okay, so there is a late fee of $35, and the amount due on the total balance is $103. You’re paying $35. Thank you for your payment, ma’am. Just to let you know, you still have a minimum payment of $68 that was due 4 days ago. You may incur another $35 late fee.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I’ve been paying $35 every month because that’s what it says on the slip.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. If you look here, it says that the late fee is $35 and the amount due for you to pay is $103 by this date. That date was 4 days ago.”

Customer: “So, what do I do now? They want me to pay that?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. They would like for you to.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, can I make the payment with my [retail store] card?”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

Immersed In His Complaint

| Hermitage, PA, USA | Top

(I am ringing out a customer who is buying a pair of swimming trunks.)

Me: “Thank you for your purchase, sir. As a reminder of the return policy, you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’m going to a beach party later so I need them.”

Me: “Okay. Well, have a good time. Thanks again, and have a nice day.”

(The next day, the customer returns with the swimming trunks. The tag is still on them, but mostly disintegrated from water. The trunks smell of chlorine.)

Me: “Hi again! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need to return these.”

Me: “Oh, is there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “No. I just don’t need them anymore.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but these can’t be returned.”

Customer: “Well, why the h*** not!? Yesterday, you said they could be returned as long as the tags were still on them.”

Me: “Yes, sir. But having the tag on them generally implies that they haven’t been worn.”

Customer: “This is b***s***! I would like to see your manager immediately.”

Me: “Absolutely, sir.”

(The manager comes over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

(The customer goes through the same story. He leaves in a rage, screaming that he’s going to give us bad reviews. The next day a survey report comes in. All sections are given one star out of five. The comment section reads, ‘Stupid clerk told me I could return my swimming trunks as long as the tags were still on them. I didn’t take the tags off when I wore it, but she wouldn’t return it, and accused me of wearing it. Like she knows what I did with it. Maybe I spilled water on the tags by mistake. She couldn’t know. Only I know I wore it–not that d*** clerk.’)

About To Be Charged With Something Else

| ACT, Australia | Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you sell a charger for this phone?”

Me: “We usually do, but I’m not sure if we have any in stock. I’ll have a look for you.”

(I look on our accessories wall. I’m too busy to notice the customer has walked up behind me.)

Customer: *low voice* “It’s just that the prostitutes keep stealing mine.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Did you want to know that?”

Me: “Not really.”

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