Don’t Take Out Thanksgiving Without Getting Takeout

| NJ, USA | Working | December 11, 2014

(I’m currently doing inventory at my second job and end up in an aisle where our sales manager and our general manager are chatting about Thanksgiving and what they’ll do with the free time since nobody comes in. This is only the second year that our store is open on Thanksgiving and we get maybe three customers in the store.)

Me: “Oh, I’ll be working. Who is closing on Thanksgiving?”

Sales Manager: “[General Manager] and [Other Sales Manager] is. [General Manager]’s going to order you guys Chinese food.”

General Manager: *rolling his eyes but grinning nonetheless* “We’re not ordering Chinese food.”

(They go back to chatting about Thanksgiving, commenting how it sucks that we have to be open when nobody even comes into the store. I’ve been half paying attention and adding to the conversation when prompted as they know I also work in a grocery store.)

Me: “Yeah, I’m working my other job, too. It’ll be nice to have some calm here after the chaos, at least. I’ve got bets on how many people are going to yell at us for running out of shallots again this year.”

General Manager: *looking at me confused* “But… you said you could work on Thanksgiving.”

Me: *blinking* “I can. I’m only at my other job 7 am until 3 pm. I’m scheduled here at 5:30 pm.”

General Manager: “Oh, okay!” *looks confused again* “But… when are you getting to eat Thanksgiving dinner?”

Me: “Um… I’m not.”

Sales Manager: *turns and looks pointedly at General Manager* “Order Chinese food.”

General Manager: *nods*

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A Plate Of Justice With Extra Dressing

| UT, USA | Right | December 10, 2014

(I am a cashier at a shop that specializes in fine clothing, like for proms and weddings. As such we have MANY white dresses made from materials that are easily soiled.)

Me: “Welcome to [Bridal Store]. How may I help you?”

Mother: “I just wanted to see what kind of dresses you have. I’m getting married soon.”

Me: “Congratulations! My supervisor is just over there, and she can help you out with anything you need.”

(At this point, I notice that a small boy followed her in, and he is carrying one of those family-sized bags of cheesy snacks. I can immediately predict this turning sour.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you’d like, we have a room in the back that your son can play in. We have a selection of toys and movies that he may like.”

Mother: “It’ll be fine. [Son] is a dearie, and he won’t mess anything up.”

(I just shrug it off, but try to keep an eye on the little boy. My attention is diverted by a lady purchasing a bow tie for her husband. By the time I am done with her, the little boy is nowhere to be seen, and I assume that he has gotten bored and gone into the room to play. After a while, the lady comes back up with a layaway check and a girdle.)

Me: “Thank you for making us your choice for your wedding dress. Your total is [total].”

Mother: “You haven’t seen my son, have you?”

Me: “He’s probably in the room in the back. You’re welcome to go back there if you’d like.”

Mother: “I’ll get him after I’m done here.”

(She proceeds to finish her order, gets her son, and leaves. I still feel uneasy about the little boy with the big bag of food.)

Me: “[Owner], I’m going to check inventory. I kinda feel off about that little boy.

(I get up and start searching the dresses, and find at least a half dozen dresses of varying styles and colors, a bunch of tablecloths, and even the dressing room mirrors with nice, smeary orange hand prints. I gather the dresses and cloths up and show them to my boss.)

Owner: *takes one look* “Put them with her dress in layaway. She just chose her bridesmaid dresses.”

(She later came back and tried to contest the extra dresses, claiming that they’re “not the ones she wanted,” and even threatened to report us to our local Better Business Bureau for “framing her innocent child.” Regardless, none of it worked. As a final attempt to make us feel bad, she gave us a picture of her bridesmaids and her wearing all those soiled dresses. We framed it.)

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Cancelling Out The Stupid

| Online | Right | December 10, 2014

(We are running a promotion with a discount code, so we always get a lot of calls when this occurs from people who are having difficulty redeeming the coupon.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Business]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “You know, you guys, you send these discounts, and they just never work, and I, you know, I want to cancel my order.”

Me: “Sorry you’re having some difficulty with that. Would you like me to see if I can help you place the order?”

Customer: “No, I just want to cancel it. I’m tired of hearing from all of these places that it’s ‘user error.’”

Me: “I understand. What was your order number?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your order number. I’d be happy to cancel it for you so you aren’t charged at all, since you couldn’t use the discount code.”

Customer: “I don’t have an order number.”

Me: “I can look it up by your last name, then.”

(I can’t find an order from that last name. I try asking more and more obvious questions, like ‘are you sure you placed an order on this website?’ since literally hundreds of customers have used the code with no difficulty.)

Customer: “I just got fed up because I couldn’t find a place to put the code, and then it wouldn’t accept it, so I just closed the window.”

Me: “So you’re saying you never actually placed an order?”

Customer: “No, I just closed your crappy website.”

Me: “Sir… if you didn’t place an order, we don’t have anything to cancel.”

Customer: “Why won’t you let me cancel my order?”

Me: “If you haven’t placed an order, there’s nothing for us to cancel. You just… don’t place the order.”

Customer: “So you’re saying you won’t cancel my order?”

Me: “No, I’m saying that there’s no order to cancel.” *I’m reaching here* “Say you were in line at a sub shop, and then you decided you wanted McDonald’s instead. You don’t have to go to the register at the sub shop to tell them you’re leaving if they didn’t make a sandwich for you, right?”

Customer: “I don’t want a d*** sandwich. I just want to cancel my order!”

(I pause.)

Me: “Okay, your order has been cancelled.”

(Click.)

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Had No Doubt She Was In The Wrong Place

, | TX, USA | Right | December 10, 2014

(It is about a week before Christmas and I am opening the clothing store I manage by myself. I run to the food court to grab some breakfast, and when I returned to the store there was a middle-aged woman standing in front of the doors.)

Me: “Good morning!” *I bend down to unlock the doors*

Customer: “Hi! What time do you open?”

Me: “We open at 10:00, and it’s about a quarter ‘til right now. I’m just gonna eat this really quick and open the registers and then I’ll open up the store.”

Customer: *cheerfully* “Oh, okay! Take your time!”

(While I eat and finish up my opening procedures, the customer just paces in front of the windows, looking intently at all of our window displays. I end up opening the doors a few minutes early, and while I’m placing the signs outside the doors she walks in and heads straight to the registers. I figure she’s wanting to purchase a gift card since she’s not looking around the store. I walk back to the registers to assist her.)

Me: “So, what can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I’m just here to pick up the No Doubt vinyl.”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry; I’m not quite sure what you’re looking for.”

Customer: *sighs* “You know, the vinyl!”

Me: *confused* “We have a men’s cologne called Vinyl. Is that what you were looking for?”

Customer: *sighing loudly* “No, not cologne! Vinyl! You know, like a record! The No Doubt record!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I know what records are, but we don’t sell them here.”

Customer: *starts glaring at me* “What?! What do you mean you don’t sell it here?”

Me: *gesturing around the store* “We sell clothes, shoes, and accessories, but no music. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “But I spoke to you on the phone not even 30 minutes ago, and you said you’d hold the vinyl for me! Why would you say you’d put something on hold that you don’t even sell?”

Me: I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as you can see, I’m the only one here, and I haven’t spoken to anyone on the phone all morning. I also would never tell someone we would hold a product that we don’t even carry. Are you sure you’re in the right store?”

Customer: “Well, this is Hot Topic isn’t it?!”

Me: *sighing* “No, ma’am, that’s next door. On your left hand side.”

Customer: *suddenly cheerful again* “Oh, why didn’t you just say so?”

(I have no idea how she stood outside my store staring in the windows for 15 minutes and didn’t realize she was in the wrong place!)

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Not Quite Free For The Taking

| SD, USA | Right | December 9, 2014

(At the store where I work, you almost always have to buy two of an item to get the sale price. Sometimes we can make an exception if we don’t have two of the sale item in the store, but it’s not very common. A customer comes to my register and sets two things on the counter.)

Customer: “Can I only buy ONE of these to get the sale price? I only need one!”

Me: “Well, you’ll probably have to buy both… What’s the sale on them?”

Customer: “Buy one, get one free.”

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