Potential Insults Are Relative

| Australia | Related | May 13, 2014

(My mother worked retail for many years and was taking an order for a customer.)

Mother: “Can I have your last name please.”

Customer: “It’s Dick.”

Mother: *looks up* “And you look like one, too.”

Customer: *splutters* “Excuse me! What did you just say?”

Mother: *dawns on her what it just sounded like* “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that you look like my cousin [Full Name].”

Customer: “I am [Full Name].”

(Neither of them had seen each other for years!)

Three-dom Isn’t Free

| TX, USA | Right | May 12, 2014

(I’m a cashier at the local supercenter and I’m working the afternoon shift. We have impulse candy racks at the end of each register that come in both normal and king-sized packages. Under the price tags is a strip that reads “all king-sized candy bars three for $3.” A customer approaches my register.)

Customer: “The candy is three for $3 dollars, yes?”

Me: “Yes, sir. The king-sized candy bars are all three for $3.”

(The customer grabs a few of the candy bars from the candy rack and sets them down on the conveyor belt with the rest of his items. I check them all out like normal and I notice that he had purchased two candy bars for $0.68 and one king-sized candy bar for $1. The customer gives me a strange, irritated look as I hit the total button on my keyboard.)

Customer: “The candy was three for $3. You said it was three for $3.”

Me: “Yes, sir, the king-sized candy bars are all 3 for $3. You bought two candy bars that cost $0.68 and one king-sized candy bar for $1.00.”

Customer: “But your sign says three for $3! Why is it not $3 for these candy bars!?”

Me: “Because, sir, the candy bars that you purchased amount to less than $3.00.”

(The customer went silent for a moment, though his irritated expression never left his face. He paid for his merchandise without another word and left. I stood there for a few moments trying to figure out what kind of math he was using.)

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How To Rack Up Brownie Points

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | May 12, 2014

(I work at a member-card type box store. Each day a half-dozen staff spend most of their time just walking around and putting away the products customers decided they didn’t want and left randomly in corners, like bloody meat on a stack of white shirts.)

Customer: “I’m trying to decide which of these adorable dresses to buy for my granddaughter. What do you think?”

Me: *gives honest opinion*

Customer: “I agree! Do you mind if I leave my cart here for a minute while I go return this other dress to the rack where I found it?”

Me: “Uh… you mean you’re going to put something back? Would it be inappropriate of me to say that I love you?”

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Trying To Cash In On Credit

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Right | May 12, 2014

(I’m on the register and call the next customer in line up to my till.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: “I just need to return these sweatpants.”

Me: “Oh, sure. Was there anything wrong with them?”

Customer: “They’re ugly.”

Me: *proceeding with the transaction* “I’m sorry you feel that way. May I see your receipt?”

(The customer tosses the receipt at me, along with her ID. I continue processing the transaction without incident until…)

Me: “Okay, you’re going to get back $49.97 for these sweatpants. Looking at your receipt, I see you paid with your [store credit card], so I’ll just go ahead and put the balance back on your card.”

Customer: “No, I paid with cash.”

Me: *looking at the receipt again* “No, ma’am. It very clearly says here at the bottom that you paid with your [store credit card].” *shows receipt to customer* “See?”

Customer: “Yes, but then I paid cash.”

Me: *a light bulb goes off in my head* “Oh! Did you put the purchase on your [store credit card] and then pay off the purchase with cash in the store?”

Customer: “Yes. I paid cash.”

Me: “Okay. Well, unfortunately, the original purchase was made on your card, so I can only refund this to you on your card or store credit.”

Customer: “No. I paid cash, and I want cash back.”

(The circular argument goes on for several minutes, with the customer becoming more and more irate. Finally, I call a manager over to explain.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what my associate is telling you is correct. You made this purchase on a credit card, and so we can only refund it to you on that card. Our computers won’t let us do it any other way.”

Customer: “FINE!” *throws credit card at me* “I hope you’re both happy to have stolen money from me!”

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Only Has Half A Charge

, | Memphis, TN, USA | Working | May 12, 2014

(I just got all the way through check in on my way to wait for the plane when I realize that I don’t have my phone charger. I was using the cable in the car on my way to the airport because I use my phone as my GPS.)

Employee: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Me: “Yes. I’m frustrated with myself because I left my charger in my car. Now that I’m through security, I can’t go out and get it.”

Employee: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you checked to make sure this is the charger you need?”

(Since I work with technology a lot, I’m very certain it’s the correct cord.)

Me: “Yes. I’m sure it is.”

Employee: “May I see your phone to quickly double check?”

(I hand her my phone and she opens to package, verifying the cord plugs in.)

Employee: “All right, this is definitely the correct cord. Unfortunately, since this package has been opened, I’ll have to give it to you at 50% off. Your total is [Half of the ridiculous airport price, making it actually reasonably priced].” *winks at me*

(I’m pretty stunned by this unexpected turn of events. I paid and thanked her profusely. It completely made my day. Nice airport shop employee, thank you again.)

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