The Land Of The Free From Thought

| USA | Right | April 1, 2014

(I am the manager at a discount department store, and one of our regular customers is a little bit flaky. She often talks to herself, repeating herself over and over.)

Customer: “Where are you from? What country do you come from?”

Me: “I was born in Colorado.”

Customer: “You need to go back to your country at once. America is for Americans.”

Me: “Colorado IS in America.

Customer: “You must go back! You must go back! You must go back!”

(She continues this ad nauseam until she finally leaves. A few weeks later she returns and purchases some items. Her total is $7.60 or so, and one of the coins she hands me is a Canadian quarter. I calmly inspect said quarter, and hand it back.)

Me: “I can’t accept this coin. Here in America, we only accept AMERICAN currency. If you want to spend the Canadian currency, perhaps you should, you know, go back to Canada to do so.”

(I haven’t had a problem with her since.)

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A License To Kill Hope For Humanity

| Rochester Hills, MI, USA | Right | March 31, 2014

(I work customer service desk at a local retail store. Sometimes I cashier when we’re busy.)

Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer starts swiping her card, but it won’t read)

Me: “Go ahead and swipe the card again. It didn’t catch it the first time.”

(The customer swipes the card again, but it still won’t read. She keeps swiping it, and on one of these swipes I catch a glimpse of the card she’s using. She is getting increasingly frustrated.)

Customer: “WHY. WON’T. THIS. SWIPE!?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, take a look at your card for me, please?”

(The customer looks at her card. It’s her driver’s license.)

Customer: “Oh…”

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A Total Basket Case

| Pigeon Forge, TN, USA | Working | March 29, 2014

(My family and I decide to stop at a moon pie store.  They are running a special: 12 mini moon pies from a bushel basket of assorted flavors with a specialty commemorative box purchase.  It seems like a good deal, but the bushel basket is running low on the chocolate ones.  There are a lot of full cardboard boxes next to the basket (12 to a box), so I pick up one of the chocolate full boxes and carry it with the commemorative box to the counter.)

Me: “Since the basket is running low and I want all chocolate, can I just take the full cardboard box and empty commemorative box for the deal price?”

Clerk: “No, the mini pies need to come from the basket.”

Me: “Yes, but there aren’t 12 chocolate pies in the basket.”

(The clerk then proceeds to take the cardboard box from my hand, open it, and then dump it in the basket.)

Clerk: “There, there are now there are enough in the basket.”

Me:  *facepalm*

Nothing Like The Smell Of Passive Aggressiveness In The Morning

| OR, USA | Friendly | March 28, 2014

(My mother and I are out shopping on Black Friday. We run into a girl we know from church – almost literally ran into her with our cart. I can admit that I wasn’t quite as slim as when I had left for college a few years ago.)

Mom: “Hi, there!”

Me: “Hi!”

(Our friend turns to see who’s greeting her. She hadn’t seen me for a couple years, so it took her a second to place me.)

Her: “Oh! Hi! … Wow, [My Name], you porked out.”

(It’s only about 7 AM. I’ve been up since 4 AM. I figure that I COULDN’T have heard that right.)

Me: “… Thank you?”

Her: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I gained weight after I got married, too.”

Me: “Okay. So, no, I hadn’t misheard what you said.”

Mom: “Well, we should go get some more bargains! See you! Bye!”

Crappy Management

| NV, USA | Right | March 28, 2014

(I work as a cashier. One evening, two customers walk into the store and ask for an exchange. One of the men walks around the store to find what he wants while his friend stays with me. We make small talk while he waits.)

Customer’s Friend: “You’d make a good manager here.”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t think so. I don’t have enough experience here.”

Customer’s Friend: “You shouldn’t say that about yourself. You’re a wonderful person.”

Me: “Thank you. But I’ve only worked here for less than a year. I don’t think corporate would let me become a manager yet.”

Customer’s Friend: “Stop that! You can do anything you want.”

(At that moment, the customer’s friend returns to the counter. His friend goes over to the other counter to wait with him as one of my managers processes the return. Just as they’re about to leave…)

Customer’s Friend: “You have to stop being so negative about yourself. It’s not good.”

Me: “Okay, sir. I won’t.”

Customer’s Friend: “I’m serious. Don’t self-defecate!”

Me: “… I won’t, sir. I promise.”

(I had to wait until they left before I could start laughing. I’m sure his intentions were good, and that he meant to say ‘deprecate’, but his small mistake made my night.)

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