Life In Plastic, It’s Fantastic

| Texas, USA | Bizarre

Customer: “I need help, anyone!”

Me: *rushing over* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “That TV is showing bad things!”

(The TV in question is playing movie trailers on loop.)

Me: “Which trailer did you find offensive?”

Customer: “The one with the girl that is saying the girl is perfect! Nobody’s perfect!”

(At that moment, a trailer for a new Barbie movie comes on.)

Customer: *screaming* “That’s the bad movie!”

Supermarket, The Musical

| Gainesville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Musical Mayhem

(It has been a quiet morning but the store has been filling up and it is very loud. My ears haven’t quite adjusted yet.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

(I begin scanning and bagging her items.)

Customer: *mumbling*

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

(The customer mumbles, and then begins singing something unintelligible. We play music in the store, so I thought she was singing along.)

Customer: *gradually increasing in volume* “No bag…no bag…NO bag…NO BAG!”

Me: “I’m sorry, are you singing, ‘No bag’?”

Customer: “Well, I told you a couple of times, but you went ahead and started bagging, so I decided to sing it!”

Of Inky Inputs And Inopportune Idioms

| Perth, Australia | Criminal & Illegal

(I am a employee at a electronics store. We are having a fairly normal day. As I am attending to a woman, two men barge through the shop and demand that everyone drop to the ground.)

Customer: *starts looking through her purse*

Me: “Ma’am, I think we should do what they say and not call the police.”

Customer: “No, I’m not looking for that…ah! Here it is!”

(The customer holds up a pen. Meanwhile, I’m lying on the floor with a confused look on my face.)

Customer: *whispers* “The pen is mightier then the sword.”

Like My Antiques, I Need Love Too

, | St. Louis, MO, USA | Rude & Risque

(We rent out individual spaces to people. A new dealer has just moved in and is about to leave the store. Note that she is about 70 years old and I am 30.)

Dealer: “Okay, I guess you have to inspect my bags before I leave.”

Me: “Yeah, we do.”

(It looks like a bunch of moving supplies and paper.)

Dealer: “Are you going to frisk me?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Dealer: “Well, it says you check everything at the door. I figured you’d check me too.”

Me: “Ma’am, we check your bags and boxes, but not you. I’m not going to frisk you, as that is inappropriate.”

Dealer: “Well, it’s been a while for me, dear. You can feel what you want.”

Me: “I’d like to keep my job without a sexual harassment complaint on the record. We’ll just see you next time.”

Dealer: “Oh, come on! It’s been so long!”

(Her 80 year-old husband is standing there laughing the entire time.)

More Than You Bargained For

| Pearsall, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(A customer purchases some items at the checkout. While walking out, he sees a sign that one of his items is on sale.)

Customer: “Excuse me, this sign says this glue is for $4.99, but the shelf says $5.99.”

Me: *looks at receipt* “Well sir, I charged you $4.99.”

Customer: “But the shelf said $5.99.”

Me: “But I charged you $4.99.”

Customer: “But the shelf said $5.99.”

Me: “Okay, give me another dollar.”

(The customer thinks for a second, then walks out of the store without saying another word.)

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