Seeing Oneself In Others

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Uncategorized

(A regular comes in and hangs out for a while. Clearly, he doesn’t really want to go back to work.)

Customer: “It’s boring there. I don’t want to go back.”

(He sees a mannequin dressed in camo.)

Customer: “Can I take him with me? He’d blend right in.” *chuckles*

Me: “Um…he’s a tad heavy and falls apart a lot.”

Customer: “Perfect. He’s just like me!”

When In Rome (Or Canada)…

| British Columbia, Canada | Canada, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a tourist shop where we get Americans on a regular basis.)

Me: “Would you like to pay by credit card?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you know where I can find a Bank of America?”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but there isn’t any around here.”

Customer: “So you guys don’t have Bank of America.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, this is Canada.”

When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…
When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)…

Don’t Take Declined For An Answer

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(I work at a large retail store. The store has its own credit card that customers can apply for.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I applied for a credit card yesterday, but I don’t have it yet. Can I still use it?”

Me: “Sure, as long as you have the temporary credit slip that you were given when you applied. Do you have that?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh. Did you leave it at home?”

Customer: “No. I don’t have one.”

Me: “Didn’t you get one when you applied?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, were you approved for the credit card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “So, I can’t use it?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you can’t use a credit card that you weren’t approved for.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s stupid!”

A Job Well Blown

| Bowling Green, KY, USA | Rude & Risque

(Our store has just installed new, more powerful hand dryers in the restrooms. I am using one when a customer comes up behind me.)

Customer: “These things give pretty powerful blow jobs, huh?”

Me: “Yeah, never heard that before.”

Customer: “I need a good blow job like that!”

Me: *hurriedly leaves the restroom*

Too Much Information, Part 6
Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information

Faster And Furiouser

| Thomson, GA, USA | At The Checkout

(My register has gone down and I am in the process of getting someone to come and fix it. In the meantime, a man marches up to me with three things in his arms.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. My register is down.”

Customer: “What is this crap? You’re the only speedy checkout open! I want to get out of here in a hurry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m waiting for someone to fix my register.”

Customer: “Why don’t YOU fix your register!?”

(I stay silent as he continues to rant.)

Customer: “I need to get the h*** out of this place!”

Me: “Sir, why don’t you go to the register next to me? She is open.”

(The customer looks over at the register, which isn’t a speedy checkout, and snaps at me again.)

Customer: “Why would I go there?! It isn’t even a speedy checkout!”

(I look over again. There is no one in line.)

Me: “Sir, she doesn’t have anyone in line–”

Customer: “Forget it! You can put that s*** back!”

(He throws the stuff onto my register and storms out.)

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