Be Careful What You Assk For

| UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I want some anus anus.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I want some anus anus!” *points to a bottle of Anais Anais, pronounced “ah-nah-iss”*

Me: “Oh, yes, sorry. That’ll be [price]!”

Clothes By Any Other Name

, | Tacoma, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m folding shirts at the front of the store when an older man approaches me looking flustered.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help—”

Customer: “Where do you keep your Levi’s?”

Me: “Excuse me? This is a [brand name store].”

Customer: “Yes. Of course it is. I’m not an idiot. I just want to know where your Levi jeans are!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we only carry our [store name] jeans because we are a [brand name store]. We don’t carry Levi’s.”

Customer: *looking confused and a little angry* “That’s nonsense! Where can I get some then?”

Me: “Well, large chain stores sometimes carry them. You can try Fred Meyer, Target, or Costco.”

Customer: “Outrageous! I came here to this store specifically to get Levi’s!” *storms off*

The Elephant In The Room

| Fergus, ON, Canada | Bizarre

(An older customer brings up washer fluid.)

Me: “Hi, sir, will this be all?”

Customer: “Yes.” *whispers* “It’s good for keeping the elephants away.”

Me: “Oh…well, have a nice day!”

Now Accepting Immigrants From Femmerica

| Marion, IA, USA | Bigotry, Top

(I’m sweeping when an older gentleman comes up. Note that I’m female.)

Customer: “It’s good to see you doing that.”

Me: “Oh…um…thank you.”

Customer: “So many of you young ladies these days are d*** fem’nists.”

Me: “Actually, sir, I am a feminist. It’s just a little dirty, so I need to clean up.”

Customer: “You d*** fem’nists! Taking jobs from real ‘Mericans who need jobs.”

Me: “Sir, I was born in this country. I’m a third-generation American. Being a feminist makes me no less American than you. I just support women’s rights.”

Customer: “That ain’t ‘Merican! Women ain’t ‘Merican!”

Me: *speechless*

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Weeding Out The Dumb Ones

| South Dakota, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Top

(We are a fair trade store and, as such, sell items such as incense and incense burners. We are sometimes mistaken for a “head shop”. We also rent kayaks in the summer.)

Customer: *looking over his shoulder a few times* “Where is your ‘special merchandise?'”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “You know…” *winks* “…your ‘back room stuff.'”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have anything in a back room. All of our stock is out on the floor.”

Customer: *pointing to the kayak storage room* “Then, what’s in there?”

Me: “That’s our kayak room.”

Customer: *knowing look* “Oh…your ‘kayak room’. Can I see your ‘kayak room?'”

Me: “Sure!”

(He walks back, opens the door, walks in. I can hear him moving things around for a few minutes before he returns with a confused look on his face.)

Customer: “There’s kayaks in there!”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Where’s the weed?”

Me: “Bye, now!”

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