No Bar And No Bite

| Portsmouth, NH, USA | Liars & Scammers

(A customer is trying to return an opened CD. This is against store policy, which is clearly stated on a poster in the store and is printed on every receipt. While discussing this with the customer, I notice a name tag from a local pet store on his shirt.)

Customer: “You have to give me a refund! I’m a lawyer and I know my rights!”

Me: *giggles*

Customer: “What’s so funny? I will sue you and I will sue this whole company! Give me my refund!”

Me: “You’re a lawyer?”

Customer: “Of course! Are you calling me a liar? I’ll sue you!”

Me: “So, do you work at [pet store] between cases or is that just a fashion statement?” *points to the name tag*

Customer: “Uh…well…you see…”

Me: “Isn’t it illegal to impersonate a lawyer?”

Customer: “Never mind!”

(The ‘lawyer’ grabs the CD and walks out of the store with his head hanging.)

DIY: Dental It Yourself

, | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Health & Body

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need a very fine grit sandpaper.”

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “Thanks! This will be perfect for my teeth!”

Bigot Bait

| Burleson, TX, USA | Top

(I am helping a customer when a red-faced older man walks up and slaps the counter.)

Customer: “Why does [store] have illegals working here?! This is America!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. If you can just calm down–”

Customer: “Don’t you tell me to calm down! I fought for this country! I didn’t fight so that a bunch Mexicans could take over our country. You need to have someone here who speaks English in [department]!”

Me: “Sir, your language and comments are offensive to me, and I would like you to not speak to me again. I will be happy to get a manager for you, though.”

Customer: “F***ing Mexican lover!”

Customer, to his companion: “Let’s get out of here! Now!”

(I walk over to the department he was referencing. However, the only person there is a customer who just happens to be wearing something similar to our uniform. She smiles at me and says, in perfect English, “I really pissed him off, didn’t I?”)

Stealer’s Remorse

| Cambridge, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Top

(We sell, among other things, cards for a popular trading card game. A customer walks in, walks directly to the counter, and pulls a few cards out of his pocket.)

Customer: “I’d like to purchase these, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, purchase? Don’t you mean sell?”

Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t have the money at the time. However, I didn’t want anybody else to get them, so I just left with them. I’d like to pay for them now, thanks.”

Life In Plastic, It’s Fantastic

| Texas, USA | Bizarre

Customer: “I need help, anyone!”

Me: *rushing over* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “That TV is showing bad things!”

(The TV in question is playing movie trailers on loop.)

Me: “Which trailer did you find offensive?”

Customer: “The one with the girl that is saying the girl is perfect! Nobody’s perfect!”

(At that moment, a trailer for a new Barbie movie comes on.)

Customer: *screaming* “That’s the bad movie!”

Page 338/543First...336337338339340...Last