It Has A Few Bugs In It

| MA, USA | Right | November 18, 2014

(A customer comes in with a weather station, where there’s a small transmitter that goes outside to give you the outside temperature, and a bigger receiver that goes inside to show you the indoor temperature and what the transmitter is saying the outdoor temperature is. The transmitter isn’t working properly and is saying “LL” instead of a temperature. When a customer comes in with anything they claim doesn’t work, we have to troubleshoot.)

Me: “All right. The transmitter runs on batteries, so I’m gonna swap them out and see if that’s the problem.”

Customer: “Oh, those are brand new. I don’t see why that would be a problem.”

Me: “Well, sometimes it just happens, so let’s look.”

(I open the transmitter and take out the batteries, when something small and white falls out.)

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “…sir, I think those are maggots.”

Customer: “Well, how did those get in there?”

Me: “Bugs tend to go wherever its warm, and the transmitter must have been giving off heat.”

(The customer then proceeds to bang the transmitter on the counter, trying to get out all the maggots. Now the counter covered in maggots and I’m starting to feel sick.)

Me: “All right, sir, maybe I should take one more look at it.”

(I took the transmitter back from the customer and went to look in the battery pack, when I saw spiders start to crawl out towards me. I dropped the transmitter on the counter and ran into the back to have a panic attack alone. I came back out and the customer is still there, talking to my coworker, and wanting to get the device replaced. We told him no. Lucky for us, he left his maggot and spider infested product with us.)

Doesn’t Get The Warning Signs

| USA | Working | November 17, 2014

(I’m mute, and usually try to shop at places where an employee knows sign language. I’m also a lesbian, and though my girlfriend often goes out with me, this time she stays home. I go to a clothing store where I’m friends with one of the cashiers. I walk in, and a new hire is greeting people.)

New Hire: “Welcome to [Store]! Can I help you find something?”

Me: *shakes head*

New Hire: “Oh, okay.”

(I wander off to look at shirts. I notice him follow me, while trying to stay out of sight. He eventually comes over.)

New Hire: “So, do you come here often?”

Me: *signs that I’m mute*

New Hire: “Geez, chicky, I don’t speak that. But I know you’re pretty d*** hot. Wanna go out?”

(I quickly leave, and head straight to the checkout counter. My friend is there, and I quickly tell her what happened. She tells me to wait, and she leaves. A minute later, she comes back with the new hire.)

Friend: “Is this the guy?”

Me: *signs yes*

New Hire: “What, is she giving me her number?”

Friend: “Dude, don’t hit on her.”

New Hire: “Why not? She’s a hot piece of a**!”

Friend: “One, that’s harassment. Two, she’s taken. Three—”

New Hire: “Well, I can easily steal her away? Who wouldn’t want me?”

Friend: “A lesbian.”

New Hire: “… She wasn’t that hot, anyway.”

(He walked off, glaring at me. My friend got a manager, who wrote the new hire up for sexual harassment. He also gave me a gift card, and I taught him ‘thank you’ in sign language.)

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Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7

| PA, USA | Right | November 14, 2014

Me: “Welcome to [Store]! Let me know if there’s any—”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have any questions; my brother works at the Ohio location.”

Me: “Uhm, are you sure? We don’t have an Ohio location.”

Customer: “Oh, you don’t know.”

(She brushes me off and starts shopping. When she’s finished shopping, I start to check her out.)

Customer: “I should get the employee discount, because of my brother.”

Me: “Okay. Did he teach you the employee handshake?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “We only give the employee discount to people who know the secret handshake.”

Customer: “How rude! Let me speak to your manager!”

Me: “How about the owner instead? That would be me. I own both locations, neither are in Ohio.”

 

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Hasn’t Found His Calling Of Duty

| OH, USA | Working | November 14, 2014

(I have this one coworker that I always knew was going to be interesting. On his first day I had to explain to him THREE TIMES how to use a step ladder. One day, as I am getting my things to leave for the day, he strikes up a conversation. His conversational skills are nil and usually result in massive face-palming and slightly less hope for humanity.)

Coworker: “So, did I tell you I’m on a diet?”

Me: “No, you didn’t…”

Coworker: “Yeah, I gotta lose like at least 150 pounds because I decided to enlist in the army.”

(This guy is 6’3” and easily 350 pounds.)

Me: “Really? Are you serious?”

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s time I actually DID something with myself. I bet it’ll really help me out with stuff like responsibility, decision making, and following directions, you know? I need to lose a lot of weight first, though.”

Me: *amazed at both his decision and the sheer normalcy of the conversation* “Oh, wow. Well ,good luck to you! I hope everything goes okay.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I should kick a** at, like, army stuff and blowing stuff up and shooting bad dudes, because I’m pretty good at Call Of Duty. Except when I play online; I get ganked a lot online.”

(Aaaand there it is.)

Like Sleeping On Heavenly Clouds

| USA | Right | November 13, 2014

(We sell mattresses. A customer does a lap around the store and stops at our most expensive beds.)

Customer: “THIS BED IS ONLY $89?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, if you qualify for the four-year financing it’s $89 a month.”

Customer: “Well, there’s no point in me financing a bed, Jesus is coming next year. Have a nice day”

Me: “…”

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