A Measure Of Intelligence

, | AB, Canada | Uncategorized

(A customer has been wandering around our store for 1-2 hours. Finally, they come up to the front.)

Customer: “I wish you had tiled floors.”

Coworker: *confused* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I wish you had tiled floors.”

Me: “Why’s that?”

Customer: “So I would be able to tell how big your furniture is.”

Coworker: “Well, we have a tape measure you can use. Would you like to borrow it?”

Customer: “Well, I guess that would work…”

Woman Waits For No Time

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(As the only opening manager of a large department store, I am in a rush when I have two no shows and one late arrival. While I’m in the office trying to call some workers in, I notice a customer waiting in line at the returns counter. I hang up the phone and run over to where she’s standing.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, it’s been a hectic morning.”

Customer: “You’d better be. I’ve been waiting here for over half an hour!”

Me: *puzzled* “I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s possible.”

Customer: “Yes, it is. I’ve been waiting here!”

Me: “It’s only 8:07 am. We opened at 8:00 am.”

Customer: “Over ten minutes, then!”

When Push Comes To Shove

| Christiana, DE, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work as a security guard at a major retailer in the mall. One of my duties is to pre-lock our store at the end of the night. We leave the middle door unlocked for customers to exit while locking the side doors. While finishing my lock up, a customer runs up and tries to exit the store.)

Customer: “You’re not locking me in here! You’re not even closed yet!”

Me: “Sir, we only pre-lock. If you just—”

Customer: “No, you are a worthless, fake mall cop. Did you even graduate high school? Now, let me out!” *keeps pulling on the door*

Me: “Sir, you just need to—”

Customer: “I said, open the door! I want your manager!”

Me: “No problem, sir.” *calls store manager*

Manager: *comes up on the scene* “What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “He won’t let me out of the building. I am a paying customer and I demand to be let out.”

Manager: *turns to me* “What is the problem?”

Me: “He was trying to pull open a push door.”

Customer: *pushes open the door* “Oh, I erm, uh…” *leaves sheepishly*

It Also Stands For Due Diligence

| Duluth, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the intimates department of a well-known clothing store.)

Customer: “Are the D-D bras smaller than the D bras?”

Me: “Actually, double-Ds are a size bigger than regular D-cups.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know D-D means double-D?!”

Positively Pissed Off

| Columbus, OH, USA | Wild & Unruly

(A woman had bought a pregnancy test earlier and has come back into the store a few minutes later.)

Customer: “I want a refund for this pregnancy test!”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. What seems to be wrong with it? Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: *yelling* “It says I am pregnant! I did not buy this to tell me I am pregnant!”

Me: “Oh…well, we cannot accept it since it has been used, for sanitary reasons. Also, that is what the test is for, ma’am: it tells you whether you are pregnant or not.”

(The woman grows angry and starts cussing at me, so I call my supervisor to the front. They tell her the same thing I’ve told her.)

Customer: “Fine! If I can’t get a refund, you can take it back!” *throws the wet test at me and storms out*

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