A Different Kind Of Nip Slip

| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I am showing white polo shirts to a customer.)

Customer: “It certainly looks nice. Too bad I can’t wear it due to my conspicuous nipples.”

Me: “What?!”

Customer: “Nothing.”

Age Is But A Number

| UK | Family & Kids

(A girl, no older than 7, is counting items on the shelves.)

Me: “So, you like to count? What’s your favorite number?”

Girl: *cheerfully* “69!”

Me: *pause and glance at her mother* “Oh, that’s gr–”

Mother: *nervously* “Uh, um, her grandma just turned 69 today. She didn’t mean that!” *drags her daughter away*

My Head Megahertz

, | Henderson, NV, USA | Technology, Top

Customer: “I need a new laptop. I want one better than the one I have. I want to spend no more than 600 dollars.”

(After finding out that he has a machine running Windows 98 with 512 MB of RAM and 60 GB of hard drive space, I provide him several different laptop choices within his price range. They have either 3 GB or 4 GB of RAM, running Windows 7.)

Customer: “No, no, no! I said better! I have 512 memory, but you keep recommending only 3 and 4! Also, 7 is way lower than 98! Get me someone who knows what I mean by better!”

When Customers Get Cheeky

| Washington, USA | Uncategorized

(I work retail and I am leading a customer to the fitting room. I usually end up walking in front of customers on the way to the back of the store and this is the conversation that takes place.)

Customer: “May I ask you a personal question?”

Me: “Uh, yeah, I guess.”

Customer: “Is your butt fake?”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Customer: “Your butt. Are you wearing padded underwear or do you have implants?”

Me: “Wow…no. My butt is real, ma’am.”

Customer: “I was just wondering, because it seems too big and perfect to be real! You go girl!”

Me: “Thanks…”

Your Own Worst Critic

| Memphis, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

(A woman comes into the store and walks up to the clerk.)

Customer: “Some lady parked wrong and is blocking all of the traffic in the parking lot.”

Me: “Did you see her come into this store?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t see her at all.”

Me: “Then, how do you know that it was a woman?”

Customer: “Because women always do things wrong.”

(The woman in line behind her gasps at this.)

Customer: “Well, that’s what my husband tells me.”

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