Communicated Your Way Out Of That One

| Miami, FL, USA | Friendly | December 30, 2014

(I’m about six-months pregnant and browsing the infants’ section of a department store. Another customer notices me and starts a conversation. At first it was fairly simple, when are you due, boy or girl, etc., then she starts to get personal.)

Woman: “Do you have a delivery coach?”

Me: “Um… my husband will be there with me.”

Woman: “Oh, no, that’s not good. You need a real delivery coach.”

Me: “I really don’t think I need that.”

Woman: “Oh, but you do.”

Me: “I’m sure I don’t need one.”

(The conversation goes on for about a minute or two like this with her getting increasingly pushy.)

Woman: *handing me a business card* “I’m a certified midwife and also teach others. I could have one of my students act as doula for you.”

(At this point I’m getting really annoyed with her pushiness and decide to try a different tactic.)

Me: “Thanks for your concern, but I’m going to be fine. My husband is a doctor.”

Woman: “Oh, well, um, good luck with the delivery.” *leaves*

(I neglected to mention that my husband’s doctorate is a Ph.D. in communications.)

The Weather Outside Is Frightful, And The Customers Are Worse

| USA | Right | December 30, 2014

(I work in a discount retail store and being a discount store, we don’t have special sales for holidays or anything of that nature. Occasionally – well, more than I’d like – I come across a difficult customer who seems to make the atmosphere uneasy for my customer and me. The customer begins to put her items on my counter for me to ring up. After a few moments I ring up all of the 53 items she intends to purchase.)

Me: “You’re total is $346.70, Ma’am. Will you being paying with cash, debit, or credit?”

Customer: “I am paying in the form of money.”

Me: “All righty, ma’am, whenever you’re ready.”

(After about five minutes of the customer digging in her purse, she begins staring at the bagged items in front of her.)

Me: “Ma’am, is something wrong? Did you forget your form of payment?”

Customer: “Why the F*** are you asking me if I forgot my payment? I’m trying to calculate if you correctly rang up all my items, each only one time and not several so your greedy a** can get something for free from hard working Americans!”

(I stare blankly at her for a few seconds until she prompts me to void out the transaction and ring each item again, with my computer screen facing her so she can watch her amount build up. During this she begins to ask questions on why this item was this much and this item was this much, etc… I finally finish ringing each item again.)

Me: “You’re total is $346.70.”

Customer: “You b****, you did it again! You scanned something that I did not bring up here!”

(My seasonal employees are now looking at me and my customer with a horrified face.)

Me: “Ma’am, I rang every item up once. I don’t understand why you are making these accusations/ You watched my screen as every item was scanned only once.”

Customer: “Well unfortunately, if you are not a little b**** liar, I don’t have enough money to pay the entire amount, so you will have to f****** take some stuff off. I need to speak to your f****** manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager and I will happily take any items you do not want to purchase off of your purchase.”

(She begins going through the bags and throwing items at me to take off. I take all the items she wished not to purchase off.)

Me: “You’re total is $15.76, ma’am.”

(She proceeds to give me a 20-dollar bill, I give her, her change and she proceeds on her merry way out the door with the two items she purchased.)

Coworker: “What the h*** just happened?”

Me: “Merry Christmas.”

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Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8

| QC, Canada | Right | December 30, 2014

(I work at a small store that sell shoes and other kinds of items such as scarves and hats. The owner occasionally gives out gift cards to customers who have paid over 150$ on a single purchase. One day, a woman comes in with her husband.)

Me: “Good evening, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I came here a week ago and bought a bunch of stuff; the owner gave me this.” *shows it to me*

Me: *confirms it is the gift cards we have* “Do you need help choosing which items you want to buy?”

Customer: *starts getting angry* “No, thanks. You can wait in the back.”

(I leave and wait near the cash registers. When she finally comes with her desired items, it consists of seven scarves and a baseball cap.)

Me: “Very well. Could you please hand me the gift card?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Can’t I just take these items and you keep the card?”

Me: “I need to make sure this card is legitimate, ma’am. It won’t take long, no worries.”

(The expiration date is over a year ago. The woman seems ready to start the argument at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, the gift card is way beyond it’s expiration date and you’re going to have to pay with cash, check, or your credit card in order to receive those items.”

Customer: “So? I know the owner; I’ve been friends with her for a long time. She told me that I wouldn’t have to worry about the date and could come whenever I wanted!”

Me: “Would you mind if I called her to verify? Could I have your name, ma’am?”

Customer: *anxious* “Y-yeah, go ahead, I’m [Customer].”

(I call the owner.)

Me: “Hi, [Owner], this is [My Name]. There’s this woman here that has a gift card and the expiration date is [date]. She also claims to be one of your friends and her name is [Customer], and that because of that she’s able to use the card whenever without worrying about the expiration date.”

Owner: “If she were indeed my friend, she wouldn’t have received a card at all. Refuse the card and ask her to pay for it, or tell her to leave. Drama is one thing, and I don’t want it in my store.” *clicks*

Me: “I’m afraid the card is no longer valid. You’re going to have to pay with something else.”

Woman: *turns red* “T-this is UNACCEPTABLE! I’m never coming back to this store, and you can bet your a** that I will make it my life goal to make sure that THIS PLACE CLOSES!” *leaves*

Me: *tries not to laugh* “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

(She leaves but her husband hangs back to talk to me.)

Husband: “I knew it would turn out like this. She does this all the time when she sees an opportunity of getting free stuff.”

(I never saw them again.)

 

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Going Through A Spell Of Spelling

| Austin, TX, USA | Working | December 29, 2014

(I work at a popular home improvement store. The following conversation occurs between me and three coworkers. Note: I’m 21 and female, Coworker #1 is 25 and a new mom, Coworker #2 is female and 60, and Coworker #3 is male and in his 50s. Coworker #1 is explaining about ‘fajas’ which are like Mexican Spanx.)

Coworker #1: “So, my friend makes them specifically for each person. It really works. It’s breathable and comfortable.”

Coworker #2: “How much does it cover?”

Coworker #1: “Depends. Usually from your shoulders to about mid-thigh.”

Me: “How much do they usually cost?”

Coworker #1: “Eh… around $120, but it really, really works.”

Coworker #2: “Is it like tank top straps? How thick are they?”

Coworker #1: “Oh, they’re pretty thin. Like an inch or so thick.”

Coworker #2: “And do you wear your…” *glances at Coworker #3 nervously* “…B-R-A over it?”

Me & Coworker #1: *bursts out laughing*

Coworker #3: *fake confused frown* “B-R-A? Jeez, I wonder what that could be. Let me Google it.”

Coworker #2: *blushes* “Oh, I can’t believe I just did that.”

Me: “I can’t believe either. You really thought [Coworker #3] wouldn’t know what B-R-A spells?”

Coworker #2: “Well, it’s just like when I used to do C-A-N-D-Y when my boys were little… but then they’d tell me they knew how to spell.”

Coworker #3: “Still trying to Google B-R-A over here.”

Not Just Your Bowel That Got Blocked

| USA | Related | December 29, 2014

(My sister and I go to a new store to get some medicine for her stomach problems. There’s a very cute guy at the register.)

Sister: “Hi, I’m looking for some medicine for constipation…”

(She sees how cute the guy is.)

Sister: “…for my sister?” *grin*

(The guy was very amused while I hit my sister.)

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