Self-Fulfilling Animosity

, | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

(The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

Me: “$22.”

Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

Not For The Intellectually Handicapped

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

Customer: “When I went, they wouldn’t let me park in the handicap spot because I didn’t have a tag.”

Me: “Well, are you handicapped?”

Customer: “No. I shared the price of the spot with my brother who is handicapped.”

Me: “Then you can’t park there.”

Customer: “But I paid for it!”

Me: “Miss, the police are really cracking down on this. If you park there and are not handicapped, they will ticket and tow your car resulting in fees up to or over $1,000.”

Customer: “But I paid for it!”

Me: “You can’t park there. You’re not handicapped. It doesn’t matter if you paid for it. If you’re not handicapped, then you cannot park in a handicapped spot.”

Customer: “That is so useless!”

Role-play In Everyday Life

| Onley, VA, USA | At The Checkout

(I am working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a lot of school supplies.)

Me: “Let me guess, you’re a teacher, right?”

Customer #1: “Guilty as charged.”

(We start talking about teaching as I’m bagging her merchandise. Another customer starts unloading her cart onto my conveyor.)

Customer #2: “Hey! Can you guess what I am?”

(I take a look at her items. They are all fresh produce, fruits, and veggies.)

Me: “I…uh…”

Customer #2: “I’M A RABBIT!”

Introducing The Dumbbook Pro

| Connecticut, USA | Technology

(Note: A new operating system has just come out for our computers.)

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to get the new OS but I’m having some trouble. It gives me an error when try to download it from the App Store.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of error is it giving? Are you running version 10.6?”

Customer: “Yeah, it just won’t let me get it. I don’t know why.”

Me: “How old is the computer?”

Customer: “A couple years.”

Me: “That’s strange. You should be able to get it. You might want to bring the computer in to have us take a look. What kind of computer is it?”

Customer: “A Dell.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It’s a Dell. I got it a couple if years ago. It’s running Windows XP.”

Me: “Ah. Well, unfortunately, the new OS is Mac OS X. You would need a Mac to be able to run it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s really inconvenient!”

User Has Exceeded Maximum Cognitive Power

| Australia | Extra Stupid

(We have two separate check-out counters on opposite ends of our store. One counter has a self-serve photocopier next to it. I am working on the side with the copier when a middle-aged woman approaches me.)

Customer: *blank expression* “I need some photocopies.”

Me: “Sure. The copier is just around the side there.”

Customer: “But I don’t know how to use it.”

Me: “All right, no problem. I’ll teach you.”

(I lead her around to the photocopier. Before I can instruct her, she interrupts me, looking bewildered.)

Customer: “Oh, no…it’s too complicated for me. I can’t do it. You’ll have to do it for me. I just don’t know how to work these things!”

Me: “Well, you put what you want to copy face down in the top left corner.”

(The customer puts it in the middle.)

Me: “No, the top left.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Left.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(I move the original to the correct spot and press copy.)

Me: “Okay, so, was it just one copy? That’ll be 20 cents.”

(The customer stares at her hand. She is holding a 10 cent piece and a 20 cent piece. She looks at each of them for about ten seconds.)

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “20 cents.”

(The customer turns to stare at the coins in her hand some more. Finally, she decides to pay with the 20 cent coin and leaves. About half an hour later, I am working on the opposite counter by myself when she finds me again.)

Customer: “I need some more photocopies.”

Me: “Sure. Well, the copier is just over the other side.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Over there. Where it was before.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Just next to the other counter. Someone over there will be able to help.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “I can’t help you from here as I have to stay on this counter. You’ll have to go over the other side where the copier is if you want photocopies.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(At this point I am certain her brain has actually come to a complete stand-still and she has ceased to function entirely. I call someone to temporarily watch my counter while I take her to finish her copies.)

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