Doing It Mexican Style

| Bloomington, IN, USA | Romantic | May 5, 2014

(My husband and I decided to stop mid-intercourse to race across town before the local adult store closed, because we discovered that the toy we wanted to use had mysteriously melted in the box under our bed. He also occasionally forgets how in-sync we are.)

Me: *toy in hand* “We made it in time!”

Husband: *starts car and looks at me funny*

Me: “Don’t tell me you don’t want to anymore?”

Husband: “No, I do, a lot. I was just wondering if we could stop at Taco Bell on the way home?”

Me: “Oh, my God! I can get a freeze!”

(He won’t doubt my commitment to sex or Taco Bell for awhile.)

What A Total Witch

| Australia | Friendly | May 5, 2014

(While wandering around the shops I run into my friend. She is looking incredibly nice, with her hair in ringlets and falling over her shoulder. She is also known for having no patience with kids.)

Me: “Wow, look at you all dressed up! You look amazing! I love your hair!”

Friend: “Thanks. I’ve actually had little kids staring at me today.”

Me: “Yeah, because you’re so pretty!”

Friend: “A little girl came up to me and asked me if I was a princess.”

(I get really excited to hear a ‘you can be a princess, too’ story.)

Me: “Yeah? What did you say to her?”

Friend: “I told her I wasn’t.”

Me: “… and?”

Friend: “Nothing. I just said I wasn’t and then walked away.”

Me: “NO! She’s a little kid! You’re supposed to tell her that you are and that she can be one, too! You’ve just crushed all her hopes and dreams!”

Friend: *after a pause* “D***! I should have told her I was a wicked witch. That would have been funny.”

Getting Mugged

| USA | Working | May 5, 2014

(I had just gone to a coffee shop and got a coffee to go in my special no-spill travel mug. My next stop was a clothing store.)

Employee: “Miss, you can’t bring any food or beverage in with you.”

Me: “Of course. I understand.”

Employee: “You can leave it on the counter if you want. I’ll keep an eye on it to make sure no one takes it. That’s a very nice mug! Don’t want anything to happen to it!”

(She places it behind the counter.)

Me: “Thank you very much!”

(I do my shopping for maybe 10 minutes and go to check out at the register.)

Me: “Oh, do you have my coffee?”

Employee: “We don’t sell coffee here, miss.”

Me: “No, you took my coffee and put it behind the counter when I came in.”

Employee: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Me: “It’s right there behind you. I’d like it back. It is in my favorite travel mug. It was expensive.”

Employee: “Ma’am, like I said, we don’t sell coffee here.”

Me: “Seriously, just give me back my coffee. I bought it before I came in here. You told me I couldn’t shop with it in case of spills, so you put it right there. You complimented my mug. It’s behind you. Right there.”

Employee: “I have to go see something.” *abruptly wanders off*

(When she went to the back, I grabbed my coffee from behind the counter and left without the clothing I came to buy. I haven’t been back since. I’m too worried someone will take my travel mug!)

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In Too Deep (Voice)

, | Canada | Right | May 5, 2014

(I’m a fairly feminine looking guy and my voice is relatively high. Sometimes I get mistaken for a girl. I’m checking a lady out at the register.)

Customer: “You have beautiful eyes. Has anyone ever told you that?”

Me: “Thank you! That’s very kind of you!”

Customer: “I see you here all the time and you’re so friendly and fun to talk to. I’d love to speak with your manager about your excellent service!”

Me: “Wow! Thank you so much! Unfortunately my manager isn’t in today, though. I think she’ll be in tomorrow.”

Customer: “All right, then. I’ll give the store a call tomorrow to speak with her. What’s your name, Miss?”

Me: “Sam.”

Customer: “Your full name?”

Me: “… Samuel.”

Customer: “… Oh.”

Me: *quietly, trying to make my voice a little deeper* “Would you like your receipt?”

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Hair + Arm = Harem

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Right | May 4, 2014

(My uniform exposes my arms that, for a woman, are hairy.)

Customer: “Wow, you have hairy arms.”

Me: *embarrassed* “Um, yeah.”

Customer: “I love women with hairy arms.”

(He grabs my arm and feels it. I am shocked, and start backing away from him.)

Customer: “Would you like to join my harem of hairy women?”

(At that point I abandoned my post and ran to my manager. When we came back the customer was gone.)

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