Been Awake For A Maternity

| Bergen, Norway | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Love/Romance, Top

(A scruffy looking customer comes into the store. He is wearing his pajamas, bright colored running shoes, and a scarf. He looks like he has not slept for weeks. He walks around the store for five minutes before coming to the line at the register. It is just after midnight.)

Me: “Good evening, sir.”

Scruffy Customer: *mumbles*

(He has three items: anchovies, asparagus in a jar, and bacon-flavored chips.)

Me: “Will with that be all, sir? Do you want a bag for your items?”

Scruffy Customer: “No and yes, thank you.”

(He reaches for his pocket and takes out his car keys, ruffles around other pockets to look for his wallet, and finds nothing. Something breaks inside of him. He puts a hand to cover his eyes and is starting to turn away from me.)

Scruffy Customer: “I am sorry; she is going to kill me.”

(He starts to walk out. Another customer in line speaks up.)

Customer: “When is she due?”

Scruffy Customer: “What?”

Customer: “When is she due?”

Scruffy Customer: “In three weeks or so. How did you know?”

Customer: “Buying strange things in the middle of the night wearing pajamas. That is kind of a recipe for a guy who has a pregnant girl at home.”

Scruffy Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.”

(The scruffy customer starts to walk out again.)

Customer: “Hey, go get your stuff on the counter. I will pay for you.” *to me* “How much is it?”

Me: “Uhh… 76 kroner with my staff discount.”

Customer: “Wow, anchovies, asparagus and bacon flavored chips. She has got it bad!”

Scruffy Customer: “If it’s smelly, spicy or has a strange texture, she has to have it. I think she has tried everything in those categories. Except for shark meat, I think.”

(The scruffy customer smiles, and the other customers at the register give out a laugh. He thanks the customer for paying, and tries to get his information to pay him back. The other customers there start to talk to him, give him advice and try to lift his spirits. He now has a four-month-old daughter, and does not look scruffy anymore!)

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5

| USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(The new ‘Grand Theft Auto’ game has just been released, and my coworker and I have been very adamant on informing all parents of the content, going so far as to read off the ESRB rating site as needed to make sure they’re alright with the game. A 14-year-old boy and his mother come in.)

Son: “Yeah, I’m here for the new GTA game.”

Me: “Alright. Just to check, ma’am, are you alright with the M rating on this? It’s got a lot of objectionable content including—”

(I read off the back of the case.)

Mother: “…I don’t know.”

Son: “It’s fine!”

Me: “According to the people who rate these, there’s also male genitalia in a non-sexual context involving cult members and necrophilia. There’s also a torture sequence.”

Mother: “No! Absolutely not! We’re not getting it.”

Son: “YES WE ARE! YOU’RE GOING TO GET THIS FOR ME!”

Mother: “No. We’re leaving.”

Son: “I’M BUYING IT!” *looks to me expectantly*

Me: “She is your mother, and she said no. I’m not able to sell this to you.”

Son: *to mother* “YOU CAN’T TELL ME NO! YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT! THIS IS A F****** WASTE OF TIME! I’LL JUST COME BACK WITH DAD AND HE’LL GET IT FOR ME!”

Mother: “You do not use that language with me! That’s it, we’re leaving. NOW!”

(The mother storms off, forcing the son to leave. I turn to my boss and other customers who are staring after them in shock.)

Me: “And that, right there, is why we make sure to advise on the content.”

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence

Do As You’re Told Or You’re On Your Bike

| USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(A group of young kids comes into the store. One of them is running around, asking questions without paying attention to the answers, being messy, and generally being annoying. Also, the store is going to be shut down in a few weeks, which has understandably left all of us on edge.)

Polite Kid: “I’d like this one, please.”

Me: “Sure! That’ll be—”

Rude Kid: “My friend wants this one!” *shoves another game and gift card into my face*

Me: “Did you want to do this in the same transaction as this friend, or a different one?”

Rude Kid: “Different one!”

Me: “Then you’re going to have to wait.”

Rude Kid: *turns to friend* “Oh, hear that? You gotta wait.”

(I finish the transactions, and watch the kids mess around in the store.)

Rude Kid: “Yeah, so, we’ll have to come back tomorrow. I’ll be loaded up again by then; I’m getting $20!”

(The group starts to leave. Another customer comes in and approaches me.)

Customer: “Hey, I wanted to let you know those bikes are blocking the door.”

(I nod to the customer and turn to the kids who are heading for the door.)

Me: “Hey, just so you know; next time you can’t leave your bikes there.”

Rude Kid: “Not like it matters, since you’ll be shut down soon anyway.”

Me: “Next time, we won’t sell you anything if you leave those bikes there. Use the bike rack, or don’t come in again.”

(The rude kid finally shuts up and leaves quickly.)