The Color Is Titillating Pink

| Auburn Hills, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

(I work at a novelty store. We sell, among other things, adult “love toys”, one of which is made to look like a tube of lipstick to provide some discretion. A woman in her mid 30s sets one on the counter.)

Customer: “Do you know what color this is?”

Me: “It’s hot pink, ma’am.”

Customer: “Even when you put it on?”

Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t really a lipstick.”

Customer: *confused* “Then, what is it?”

Me: “It’s a vibrator, miss.”

Customer: “Oh! Oh my…I don’t think I want this anymore.”

All You Need Is Love

| Canada | Pets & Animals

(A customer is looking for a heat lamp for her lizards’ terrarium.)

Me: “Yes, we have them, both in red and clear.”

Customer: “Perfect, I love you!”

Me: “Oh, uh, thanks?”

(Later, she comes back to get the replacement bulb.)

Customer: “Sorry about saying ‘I love you’ earlier.”

Me: “Don’t worry about it, always nice to feel loved.” *hands her bulb and walk her to register*

Customer: “Great, now my geckos will love you too!”

Me: “Yay!”

Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(The majority of the customers coming into this shop are from off of the cruise ships and mainly American.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Um, yes…could you tell me where I am?”

Me: “Yup, you’re in Canada.”

Customer: “And where is Canada?”

Me: “Um, well, if you look at a map, it’s that large country on top of your country.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(She looks baffled by this new piece of information and slowly turns around and walks away.)

Related:
Canada: America’s Hat

Family Loosely Interpreted

| Newburgh, IN, USA | Family & Kids

(I work in the video game section of a large retail store. I overhear this couple talking about our selection of video games.)

Woman: “Why do they sell Grand Theft Auto? This is supposed to be a family friendly store!”

Husband: “They are family friendly. Some families just have teenagers that like to pretend to steal cars and punch people.”

Some Things You Don’t Plan Ahead

| Palm Bay, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working the register today when one of my regulars comes in to buy a couple of things. He’s about 80 years old and lives across the street in a nursing home with his wife of 60 years. Nothing strange happens as I help him load the things from his electric cart onto the counter and we chat a bit as I ring him through. As I am loading the bags, however, things turn a little creepy.)

Customer: “You know, you’re just as cute as a button!”

Me: “Uh, thanks!” *smile*

Customer: “You know, when the wife goes, I just might have to take you home with me!”

Me: “Um–”

Customer: “See you tomorrow, sweet thing!”

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