The Hole Truth, And Nothing Butt The Truth

| Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia | Health & Body

(I work in a small shopping centre with about 15 shops. One of our regular gentlemen had come into the store to buy his lotto tickets for the week. I notice that he looks rather awkward as he is waiting for his tickets, and decide to make small talk with him.)

Me: “How’s your day going, sir?”

Customer: “Uh, fine…yours?”

Me: “It’s great, thanks!”

(The customer looks away for a moment, looks down at the paper bag in his hands, and then looks back at me.)

Me: “Is everything okay, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just went to the pharmacy and picked up me pills that the doc gave me.”

Me: “Oh, well I hope everything is okay.”

Customer: “You see, I’ve never had these type of pills before, and I don’t know what this word on the packet means.”

Me: “Well, the pharmacist or your doctor would be able to tell you.”

Customer: *sadly* “Oh, okay…”

Me: “What’s the word, sir?”

Customer: *looks at the packet* “Uh…it’s suppo-sit-ory.”

Me: “Well…uh…sir…that means that you don’t take them orally…”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You don’t put them in your mouth.”

Customer: “Well, how do I take me pills?”

(At this point, another customer behind him is clearly trying not to laugh.)

Me:  “Uh…how do I put this delicately? You…uh…”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I really think your doctor would be the best person to tell you.”

Customer: “I don’t wanna go back there. Can’t you just tell me?”

Me: “Why don’t we go down to the end of the counter, sir, and I can explain it to you?”

(Not wanting to embarrass him further, but not wanting to deny his request, we go down to the end of the counter for some privacy. I spend the next 10 minutes explaining where exactly a suppository goes.)

Customer: *bright red face* “Oh! Uh!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “I didn’t know…I’ve never heard that d*** word before! Well why the h*** would they prescribe something like that? It’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m not a doctor, but why don’t we finish your transaction? Maybe you can win the big draw tonight!”

Customer: “That would be nice, I could use the money. And you know, if I win, I’m coming back to see you!”

Me: *laughing* “After that, sir, I should hope so.”

(The customer laughs with me, we finish up, and he leaves. My coworker, who has overheard the entire conversation, comes over to me.)

Coworker: “Tell me I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.”

Me: “You heard right. Oh, I just feel so bad for him.”

Coworker: “You wanna take your break?”

Me: “Oh God, yes! I’m going to go see the girls at the pharmacy and tell them they might want to give him a call!”

(When he came in to the store the next time, he sadly refused to make eye contact. However, he tried to tip me multiple times!)

Knowing Is Half The Battle, Part 2

| Michigan, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “Well, is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(There’s a long pause.)

Me: “…Is there a specific style you’re looking for?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “Maybe a color?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “Um, I can’t help you unless you give me something to go on.”

Customer: *dejectedly* “Okay.” *leaves*

Boss: “What just happened?”

Me: “I don’t know…”

Knowing Is Half The Battle

It’s Not Personal ‘Til It’s Personal

| Newfoundland, Canada | Uncategorized

(My coworker and I are standing in my department talking. An older lady comes up to my coworker.)

Customer: “Where can I find pants?”

Coworker: “I’m not sure, as I’m just a cashier. However my coworker works in this department, so she can help you.” *motions to me*

Customer: “So you don’t know?”

Coworker: “No, I only work on cash.”

Customer: “So, there’s no one that can help me?”

Coworker: “This girl can help you.” *motions to me again* “She’s worked in this department a long time.”

Customer: “I want you to help me!”

Coworker: “Like I said, I work on cash. She works in this department, so she can help you.”

Customer: “I don’t want HER to help me.”

Coworker: “Well, she’s the only one working in this department today.”

Customer: “I guess no one can help me, then!” *storms off*

Scam Wars: Attack Of The Clones

| Nottingham, UK | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

Customer: “I want a refund on this DVD.”

Me: “Okay, what was wrong with it?”

Customer: “I watched it and I didn’t like it.”

Me: “Er, I’m sorry, but we don’t rent out DVDs here; we sell them. If there’s nothing wrong with it, I can’t give you a refund.”

Customer: “But I already copied this one, so I don’t need it anymore!”

(Realizing what he’s just said, the customer tries to backtrack.)

Customer: “Er…wait. I mean…”

Me: *raised eyebrow*

Customer: “Never mind!” *runs out of the store*

Customer Time Vs. Normal Time

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(We close at 10 PM. 10 minutes to closing, I am near the entrance folding clothes when a middle-aged customer walks up.)

Customer: “What time y’all close?”

Me: “We close at 10:00.”

Customer: *looks at the clock, which says 9:50 pm* “Oh, good! That means I have a half hour!”

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