Takes One To H2O One

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m sitting at my kiosk drinking from a water bottle.)

Woman: “You’re not supposed to drink on the job!”

(Thinking she’s just giving me a hard time, I just laugh.)

Woman: “I know that’s not water. I know all the tricks!”

Me: *speechless*

Til Delivery Do Us Part

| Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

Me: “Good morning, ma’am! It’s [my name] from [store name]! I wanted to let you know your order came in—”

Customer: “Oh! Yes, would you ship it—oh, hold on.”

(There’s long pause.)

Customer: “Actually, will you call me back in a couple days? I’m just sitting here waiting for my husband to die.”

Me: *taken aback* “Oh, my…I am so sorry your husband is ill, ma’am—”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget to call me, okay? Bye!” *click*

Compliments To The Bride

| London, England, UK | Uncategorized

(I’m serving a customer and she catches sight of my engagement ring.)

Customer: “Oh my God, you’re married?”

Me: “Engaged, actually.”

Customer: “Wow, but you’re so ugly!”

Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

| Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I am signing to a deaf couple, asking them if they need help. Before they can reply, a customer interrupts me.)

Customer: *gasping* “You’re in a gang!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “I saw you! You flashed them a gang sign!”

Me: *laughing* “No, ma’am, it’s ASL.”

Customer: “I don’t care what your gang is called. It’s people like you that make me scared to go out at night!”

(She leaves with her purchase, which turns out to be a shirt that says “B****es Get Stitches.”)

PDF: Please Don’t Fuss

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Technology

Me: “Do you have a PDF file?”

Customer: “That’s redundant!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “PDF stands for ‘printable document file.'”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but PDF stands for ‘portable document format.'”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! It’s ‘printable document file!'”

Me: “One moment please.”

(I open up a browser, look up “PDF”, and turn the computer monitor around for him to see.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: *leaves without saying another word*

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