March Monthly Roundup: Booze, Beaus, Bongs, Bigots, & Bindings

, , , , | Not Always Right | Bigotry, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Roundups, Rude & Risque, Underaged

In addition to our weekly roundups, each month we’ll be sharing our most popular reader-voted stories.

March Monthly Roundup: This month, we share five stories that show that customers can be bad, but at least they’re not boring!

  1. She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2:
    Think you’re going to buy booze for your underaged, 16-year-old daughter? Not on this liquor store employee’s watch!
  2. When Press Comes To Shove:
    A blustery customer counts on berating an employee to get his way; what he didn’t count on: the employee’s 6’5″, 250-lb. fiance waiting in the back.
  3. The Height Of (Mt.) Misogyny:
    Misogynists really should go jump off a cliff, but this sexist customer probably couldn’t make it to the top anyway.
  4. Weeding Out The Dumb Ones, Part 2:
    Either this guy’s in the wrong shop, or those are the LARGEST. BONGS. EVER.
  5. So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon:
    A little girl learns that although diamonds are forever, mommy’s handcuffs are for her eyes only.

I Forgot To Remember To Forget

| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer hears an Elvis song playing and starts the following conversation with me.)

Customer: “Oh, I love Elvis. He’s the best! Do you know who Elvis is?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I do.”

Customer: “Oh, I can’t believe you don’t know who Elvis is!”

Me: “Uh…I said I do.”

Customer: “Oh, you kids nowadays…don’t know any good music!”

Me: *giving up* “Yeah, I guess not.”

(Two days later, she comes in with a huge Elvis poster and asks for me at the register.)

Customer: “Hey, where’s that foreign girl who doesn’t know who Elvis is?”

Of Chemically Unsound Mind

| West Virginia, USA | Math & Science

(I am stocking shelves in my store when a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Do you know why Clorox is called Clorox?”

Me: “Possibly because its active ingredients include chlorine and oxygen atoms?”

Customer: “There’s no oxygen in Clorox! That’s what we breathe! You kids need to go back to school, cause you ain’t learnin’ nothin’!” *storms away*

It’ll Take More Than One Bag To Hold All That Anger

| Quebec, Canada | At The Checkout

(A customer in his late 50s approaches, so I start ringing him up.)

Customer: “Can I see your bags?”

Me: “Sure.” *I show him our store’s bags*

Customer: “I don’t want any of your bags. Give me another one!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but those are the only one we have. Since you only have one item, maybe you can just carry it with you? We don’t require you to put it in a bag.”

Customer: “No, no, you don’t understand. I need a bag! I’m walking back home. However, I don’t want to give you guys free advertisement when I’m walking with your bag!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we really don’t have any other bags.”

Customer: “Just give me that bag over there, then!”

(He points to another bag, which was accidentally left by another customer from a different store that she had just been to. However, that bag is full of products and also has that store’s name and logo on it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. It belongs to another customer.”

Customer: “You stupid f***! You won’t even give me a f***ing bag?! You are the worst employee that I have ever seen! I’m never shopping here ever again!” *storms off*

Eyes Wide Shut

| Wisconsin, USA | Top

(Note: I am the customer in this story. This takes place when I am getting a makeover at the cosmetics counter of a department store.)

Saleswoman: *doing my eye makeup* “Okay, now open!”

Me: *opens mouth & keeps eyes closed*

Saleswoman: “I meant your eyes, dear…”

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