Needs To Find A New Post

| UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Language & Words

Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for [brand] aftershave lotion, but you don’t seem to have any!”

Me: “Did you look in the [brand] section? I think they do a few different ones actually. I’ll show you now.”

(I walk him to the section and show him a few.)

Me: “So, you’ve got this one, for sensitive skin, and this one is—”

Customer: “This isn’t AFTER shave! It says right here: ‘POST Shave Balm!”

Me: “Erm, actually ‘post’ means ‘after.'”

Customer: “…What do they pay you here?”

Me: “Around [salary] per hour.”

Customer: “Well, you deserve every penny of it! You’re a smart girl!” *mutters as he walks off* “Who knew that ‘post’ meant ‘after’…”

Hear Her Evil, See Her Evil, Speak Her Evil

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

(One of my coworkers has partial hearing loss in her right ear, and has a medical condition that has caused her to lose almost all of her peripheral vision in her right eye. On this day, she’s putting away a cartload of items and just happens to be working directly under a speaker. A customer approaches her from the right, and speaks very, very softly.)

Customer: *very softly* “Excuse me; where are your bedsheets?”

Coworker: *doesn’t hear her and keeps working*

Customer: “Excuse me? EXCUSE ME?!”

(Suddenly, the customer KICKS my coworker in the hip. The kick is so hard that my coworker has to catch herself so she doesn’t fall over.)

Customer: “How DARE you ignore me?!”

Coworker: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am! I didn’t see you.”

Customer: “Bulls***! I was standing right here! Everyone has peripheral vision!”

Coworker: “Except for people with vision problems, ma’am. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Then you should’ve heard me!”

Coworker: “I also have partial hearing loss, and that…” *points up at the ceiling* “…is a speaker.”

Customer: “Well, you should be checking every direction for customers every five seconds!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, is there something I can help you with? I don’t actually work on the sales floor; I work in the stock room, and I have to get back…”

(My coworker ends up helping the customer and taking her to the bedsheets section. However, later I hear the customer complaining to my manager.)

Customer: “…and she just ignored me! And then she kicked me and called me a b****!”

Manager: “I’m so, so so sorry! I’ve never seen her act like that.”

Me: “…Sir?”

Manager: “Not now.”

Me: “But I witnessed the incident.”

Customer: *goes pale* “I didn’t see you anywhere nearby!”

Me: “I was ten feet away, in the clothing racks. Ma’am, YOU kicked HER when you thought she was ignoring you and yelled at her.”

Manager: *lightbulb goes on* “She was on [Coworker]’s right, wasn’t she?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Manager: *to the customer* “Well, ma’am, under these circumstances I can’t give you any discounts, nor will I. I’m not giving you anything for free, and I’m going to call corporate myself to tell them what happened. I’ve got video cameras and an employee witness. You assaulted one of my associates. Get out of my store!”

(The customer did try to call corporate. When they hung up on her, she called the cops, who reviewed the tape and nearly arrested her!)

The Internot

| Online | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a internet retailer so all of our sales come via a website. We don’t operate any physical store locations.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [store name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I need to place an order.”

(I take the caller’s order, and get to the part where I need her personal information.)

Me: “…and may I have your email address, please?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Well, that’s how your receipt and shipping information will be given to you.”

Caller: “I don’t like giving it out. I don’t understand why you need it. Why can’t you just mail it to me?”

Me: “The receipt and shipping information are emailed to you through our store’s sales system. It’s something that happens automatically. We will not sell it or abuse it in any way.”

Caller: “Well, that’s stupid! What if I don’t have an email address? What do you do for your customers who don’t have a computer?”

Me: “Being an internet retailer, we haven’t had much of a problem with that.”