No Returns On The Can Of Worms

| Syracuse, NY, USA | Pets & Animals

(I’m standing at the service center chatting with a co-worker when a customer walks up and places a bag on the counter.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “Of course! Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s in the bag.”

(She opens the bag and little bugs come jumping out of the bag and scuttle around the counter.)

Customer: “Those aren’t mine! I don’t even have animals! They aren’t

Me: *speechless*

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8

| Onley, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the electronics department of a large retail chain.)

Customer: “Hello, I was looking to find the new Twilight.”

Me: “All of our Twilight movies are located over here. I can show you–”

Customer: “I need to find Breaking Dawn.”

Me: “Oh, well, our book department is this way–”

Customer: “No, no, no! I have the book already. I need the movie!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but Breaking Dawn doesn’t come out until Friday.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll just come back then.”

Me: “Ma’am, I meant it comes out in theaters on Friday.”

Customer: “So, you won’t have the DVD by Christmas?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no.”

Customer: “That’s just confusing! Why would the book come out before the movie?! It’s so weird!”

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

A Different Kind Of Nip Slip

| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I am showing white polo shirts to a customer.)

Customer: “It certainly looks nice. Too bad I can’t wear it due to my conspicuous nipples.”

Me: “What?!”

Customer: “Nothing.”

Age Is But A Number

| UK | Family & Kids

(A girl, no older than 7, is counting items on the shelves.)

Me: “So, you like to count? What’s your favorite number?”

Girl: *cheerfully* “69!”

Me: *pause and glance at her mother* “Oh, that’s gr–”

Mother: *nervously* “Uh, um, her grandma just turned 69 today. She didn’t mean that!” *drags her daughter away*

My Head Megahertz

, | Henderson, NV, USA | Technology, Top

Customer: “I need a new laptop. I want one better than the one I have. I want to spend no more than 600 dollars.”

(After finding out that he has a machine running Windows 98 with 512 MB of RAM and 60 GB of hard drive space, I provide him several different laptop choices within his price range. They have either 3 GB or 4 GB of RAM, running Windows 7.)

Customer: “No, no, no! I said better! I have 512 memory, but you keep recommending only 3 and 4! Also, 7 is way lower than 98! Get me someone who knows what I mean by better!”

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