Totally Scentsless

, | Orlando, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a store that sells lotions, soaps, and candles with different scents. Recently, one of the companies we carry had a new line of lotion that was named after fruits: strawberry, apple, and banana scented lotion. To promote the new line, we have a few jars of each scent on a table at the front with a tongue depressor in each jar so that customers could easily scoop out a little lotion to try. I’m stocking a shelf when an angry customer walks up.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “I’m very angry with the product in this store. Are you trying to kill someone?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What’s the problem?”

Customer: “That yogurt you have up front is not even cold, and it tastes horrible.”

Me: “Yogurt? We don’t sell yogurt.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. It’s on the little table up front with a spoon to taste it. The banana tastes like garbage and the strawberry doesn’t have any taste.”

Me: “Sir, those are lotions, not yogurt.”

(The customer gets a little flustered after realizing their mistake.)

Customer: “You should really label it as lotion. It’s confusing!”

Me: “It is labeled. See?”

(I show the customer the huge sign on the table that says “lotion” as well as each individual fragrance saying “lotion” on the jar.)

Customer: *leaves, mumbling*

Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

| Dewitt, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

(I am working an average rush hour at a large grocery store when I approach the end of an elderly woman’s order.)

Me: “Okay, this will be $46.48.”

Customer: *starts hitting card reader with signature pen* “Your machine isn’t working!”

Me: “Ma’am, you need to swipe your card before you can sign.”

Customer: *continues to hit card reader with pen* “Your g**d*** machine isn’t working!”

Me: “Ma’am, please stop hitting the machine. You need to swipe you card.”

Customer: *throws pen at me* “Your machine’s broken!”

Me: “It isn’t broken. You just haven’t swiped your card yet.”

Customer: “Your machine’s broken! See?!”

(When she flips the card reader around, it is indeed broken—by her, of course.)

Related:
Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

You’d Need Nine Mouths

| Allentown, PA, USA | Holidays, Religion

(A customer walking by pauses at the holiday clearance display, where I am standing.)

Customer: “Is this a musical instrument?”

Me: “No, that’s a menorah.”

Customer: “A what?”

Me: “A menorah. The candleholder used in the celebration of Hanukkah.”

Customer: “Do you know how to play it?”

Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 3

| British Columbia, Canada | Uncategorized

(We have kiosks in our location that provide a number of services. We also have an online service that provides some different options than we are able to provide in the store. A woman in her 30s is on the kiosk closest to me trying to order something that we don’t do in the store.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to order [product], but I can’t find it on this kiosk.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that item is only available online.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s only available through the computer.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “You have to go onto a computer and go to the website to order that item, because it’s not available to order in the store.”

Customer: “What computer?”

Me: “You have to get onto the internet and order that product from our website.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying! What’s a website?”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2
Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

All Karma’d Out

| Australia | Holidays

Customer: “Do you have any boxed Christmas cards?”

Me: “Yes, we have two shelves over there. Have you seen those?”

Customer: “Yes, but do you have any that don’t donate to charity?”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll go shopping somewhere else!”

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