Tiger, Tiger, Fake And Bright

| Missoula, MT, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, is your tiger fur made of real tiger?”

Me: “No. All of our fur is fake. It’s made of polyester.”

Customer: “Tigers are made of polyester?”

Humor Isn’t Just Skin Deep

| Stockport, UK | Uncategorized

Me:” Hi, how are you? Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a protective foreskin for my phone.”

(There is a slight pause and we both burst out laughing.)

Me: “I think I know what you mean. They’re just over here.”

Well, It Sure Beats Atkins

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer emails in a query regarding one of our products.)

Customer: “If it were a matter of life or death, could I eat this product? If so, what would happen? The label says ‘safe & non-toxic’, yet it also says ‘do not eat’. This seems contradictory. Please clarify ASAP. I’m starving.”

Me: “You would have to contact the manufacturer of the item. I recommend that you should not eat anything that says ‘safe & non-toxic’ because this could be referring to biodegradable elements of this product, and should not be used for dietary nutrition. I hope you find something else to eat.”

Not Thinking Inside The Box, Part 2

| Leander, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a cashier. I see a woman taking her items out of a storage box in her cart, and placing them on the conveyor belt.)

Me: “Would you like everything just back in the box, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t think they’ll fit!”

Related:
Not Thinking Inside The Box
Thinking Outside The Box
Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2
Not Thinking Outside The Box

Never Out Of Laughing Stock

| UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “How much for [item]?”

Me: “£15.”

Customer: “The guy round the corner does them for thirteen.”

Me: “Well, why didn’t you buy one from him, then?”

Customer: “He’s out of stock.”

Me: “Well, when we’re out of stock, we only charge ten.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll come back when you’re out of stock, then.”