You Got The Wrong(est) Audition

, | California, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I’m working a register as a odd looking man approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sexy, I have a complaint.”

(I just ignore the “sexy” part and move on.)

Me: “What’s the problem, sir?”

Customer: “That’s not your line! Do you want me in this f***ing porno or what?!”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Customer: “You aren’t the girl, are you?”

Me: “Um…I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, then! Have a good day, miss! God bless you!”

Me: *speechless*

You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

The Devil’s Logic

| Pune, India | At The Checkout

(I am a customer checking out at a famous Indian supermarket. To make things faster, I am putting the stuff from my cart onto the conveyor belt. Among my purchases is a pack of condoms.)

Customer behind me: “I can’t believe you are buying condoms! Don’t you know that sex is evil? Only the devil does it!”

(I am kind of taken aback, but I reply with an evil twinkle in my eye.)

Me: “Well, if sex is only for the devil and I don’t use condoms, then you’ll be seeing the devil’s kid next year!”

Customer behind me: *crosses himself and stares at me until I leave the store*

No Returns On The Can Of Worms

| Syracuse, NY, USA | Pets & Animals

(I’m standing at the service center chatting with a co-worker when a customer walks up and places a bag on the counter.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “Of course! Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s in the bag.”

(She opens the bag and little bugs come jumping out of the bag and scuttle around the counter.)

Customer: “Those aren’t mine! I don’t even have animals! They aren’t

Me: *speechless*

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8

| Onley, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the electronics department of a large retail chain.)

Customer: “Hello, I was looking to find the new Twilight.”

Me: “All of our Twilight movies are located over here. I can show you–”

Customer: “I need to find Breaking Dawn.”

Me: “Oh, well, our book department is this way–”

Customer: “No, no, no! I have the book already. I need the movie!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but Breaking Dawn doesn’t come out until Friday.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll just come back then.”

Me: “Ma’am, I meant it comes out in theaters on Friday.”

Customer: “So, you won’t have the DVD by Christmas?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no.”

Customer: “That’s just confusing! Why would the book come out before the movie?! It’s so weird!”

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

A Different Kind Of Nip Slip

| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I am showing white polo shirts to a customer.)

Customer: “It certainly looks nice. Too bad I can’t wear it due to my conspicuous nipples.”

Me: “What?!”

Customer: “Nothing.”

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