Retail Access Memory

| Foley, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Math & Science

(I have an excellent memory. I work at a tool store and have memorized every model number. When customers walk up to the counter, I type in the numbers and give them the total before they put the items down. )

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

Customer: “How did you do that? You didn’t scan anything.”

Coworker: “He’s ‘Rain Man.’ He has everything in this store memorized.”

(The customer grabs a random saw blade from a nearby stack.)

Customer: “What about this?”

(I rattle off the price, UPC, and price with tax.)

Customer: “Ha! That isn’t the model number.”

Coworker: “Look at the barcode.”

(The customer reads the 12-digit number, and is dumbfounded.)

Me: “To be fair those things never scan. It’s one of the UPCs I have memorized.”

Customer: “So… want to go Vegas?”

(I’m now a network engineer and shock my coworkers constantly with how I have the entire network’s IP and subnets memorized. I earned the nickname ‘Rain Man’ again.)

Receipted All That Was Coming To Her

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a large retail store. A customer is just about to approach my register, when my counter phone rings. It is security.)

Security: “For this customer, just allow the return, then step away from my counter.”

(That is all they tell me. The customer then approaches.)

Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”

(The customer hands me an expensive bedding set.)

Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this, please.”

(I look at the receipt, and notice it was paid by cash.)

Me: “Okay, one moment, ma’am.”

(I process the return, give her the cash, and step away from my register as if to tidy shelves nearby. The customer walks away, and two minutes later my coworker from another department runs over and grabs me by the arm.)

Coworker: “What in the world just happened? Are you all right!?”

Me: “I’m fine. What’s going on?”

Coworker: “Security and the police just tackled your customer into the lingerie displays!”

(It turns out the customer was a scammer that would come in with just a receipt, pick up the item from the shelf that matched the receipt while a worker was busy, and then return the ‘bought’ item for cash. The customer had done this to 12 other stores before us. She was tackled when trying to run, after being confronted by the police.)

Following Instructions In A Manner Of Speaking

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

(I am finishing ringing up a sale for a customer. The final step on the signature pad is to confirm the transaction total.)

Me: “Okay, sir, just say ‘yes’ to confirm the total on the signature pad and I’ll get you your receipt.”

(The screen on the pad has two buttons: one reading ‘yes’ and one reading ‘no.’ The customer leans down with his mouth close to the pad and shouts…)

Customer: “YES!”