Microsoft Tours Are Megahard

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Technology

(A customer approaches me on the sales floor.)

Customer: “Hi…um…where are your Mi-cro-softs?”

Me: “Sorry, my Microsofts? Microsoft is a company.”

Customer: “Yeah. It’s on my list here, but I can’t find it in your store.”

Me: “Actually, they make a lot of stuff.”

Customer: “Yeah. Show me everything…”

(I proceed to go through everything Microsoft I can think of, including keyboards, mice, Word, Publisher, Excel, Powerpoint, operating systems, some basic card games, and clip art collections. We go back and forth, and eventually I show her Windows 7 and Office disks. In the end, she left the store without purchasing anything.)

BOGO: Buy One Give One

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

(I’ve been helping a customer who’s about to get a great deal because of a BOGO promotion in the store. She also has a coupon for a free item. Even I am impressed with the amount of products she’ll get for free. I’ve been helping her select lotions and fragrances on the floor.)

Customer: “Well, I have so much already. I don’t know what to pick out next. What would you recommend? What’s your favorite fragrance?”

(I show her my favorite fragrance and she adds a lotion to her bag before she heads to the register to check out. She comes back to me after she makes her purchases.)

Customer: “Thanks so much for your help today!”

(Surprisingly, she hands me a bag from our store with an item in it. Inside is my favorite lotion; she had used her coupon to treat me!)

Idiot, Imbecile, Moron

| Platteville, WI, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Do you have any synonym?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “SYNONYM!”

Me: “Do you mean cinnamon?”

Customer: “No! God! They should have an I.Q. test before hiring people!” *storms away*

A Cheerful Earful

| Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout

(I have been helping a customer sort out an order and have escorted her to the cashier. I hand her over with a smile and the cashier greets her with a smile.)

Customer: “Everyone here is so cheerful! You are all so very cheerful!”

Me: “Yes, well, we enjoy nice customers like you!”

Customer: “God almighty, what do they feed you?! CHEERFUL Kool-Aid?!”

(The cashier and I continue to smile while the customer pays. As she leaves…)

Customer: “So cheerful…so cheerful…SO CHEERFUL!”

One Does Not Simply Quaff Into Mordor

| Wichita, KS, USA | Food & Drink

(In the liquor store I work in, I notice an older man wondering around the store looking very confused. I ask if I can help him find anything.)

Customer: “Do you have Rivendell?”

Me:Rivendell?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for Rivendell.”

Me: “Um, I don’t know if we have that here. Are you sure what you’re looking for is called ‘Rivendell?'”

Customer: “Yes, Rivendell.”

Me: *hesitantly* “Sir, I believe Rivendell is a city from The Lord Of The Rings.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(We pause and stare at each other for a moment. He pulls his phone out to call the person who sent him to the store. What was he looking for? Zinfandel.)

Related:
Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet, Part 2
Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

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