I’m Tire’d Of These Calls

| St. John's, NL, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Sports department, [name] speaking.”

Caller: “Can you transfer me to the jewelry department?”

Me: “Uh, we don’t have a jewelry department.”

Caller: “Yes, you do. Just put me through.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure we don’t, ma’am. Let me ask.”

(I’m fairly new, so I go to customer service and ask.)

Me: “Yeah, sorry, ma’am. We definitely do not have a jewelry department.”

Caller: “WHAT?! Wal-Mart doesn’t have a jewelry department anymore?!”

Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t Wal-Mart. This is Canadian Tire.”

Caller: *hangs up*

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9

| Odessa, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have that new Twilight movie Breaking Dawn?”

(Note: as the customer asks this question, I am stocking a life-sized display case of Edward and Bella and have an armful of Breaking Dawn DVDs. The store is also filled with piles of Breaking Dawn pre-orders, Breaking Dawn promo merchandise, and several Breaking Dawn dozen posters advertising the movie’s DVD release. The customer looks right down at the Breaking Dawn DVD in my hand and, before I can answer him, he continues.)

Customer: *sighs* “Oh, well. Guess not.” *turns around and leaves without another word*

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

If Hugs Could Kill

| Drexel Hill, PA, USA | Health & Body

Me: “Hey, how you doing?”

Customer: “Not too good. My favorite aunt is dying and I have to go to the hospital.”

Me: “That’s too bad. I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “Thanks. I’m gonna go there and hug her and kiss her to death.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You know what I mean.”

Aging Is A Zero Sum Game

| Quebec City, Quebec, Canada | Extra Stupid

(Our store has an aisle with toys as well as celebration stuff for birthdays, including candles for birthday cakes. I am filling up this aisle when a lady in her late 50’s comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you carry candles that are numbers?”

Me: “Yes, let me show you.”

(I show her the candles we have, from 0 to 9.)

Customer: “Oh, they don’t carry 55. My husband is going to be 55.”

(I think she’s joking, and laugh a little.)

Me: “Well, you can just buy two 5’s, and that’ll make 55.”

Customer: *disgusted* “I don’t know why they hired you!” *leaves without buying anything*

Bootleg Me Some Common Sense

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Criminal & Illegal

(Note: this takes place before either of these films are available on DVD or Blu-ray.)

Customer: “I’d like a copy of Transformers 3 and Hangover 2.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but those films are still in the theaters and won’t be out in stores until after the summer.”

Customer: “No, I just saw them for sale at the flea market.”

Me: “Those would be bootleg copies. They’re not very good quality.”

Customer: “That’s fine. Just give me those.”

Me: “We don’t sell bootlegs here.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You should sell whatever the customer wants!”

Me: “Bootlegs are illegal and we can’t carry them.”

Customer: “That isn’t very good service! I’m going to speak to your manager.”

Me: “That’s fine; you can ask for him at the service desk.”

Customer: “I hope he fires you for being incompetent.”

Me: “Well, thank you for shopping at [store] and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Jacka**!”

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