Jealousy Is A (Rude) Green-Eyed Monster

| Owen Sound, ON, Canada | At The Checkout

(I am helping a customer in line when the phone starts ringing.)

Customer: “Here, I’ll fix that.” *picks up phone and hangs up*

Me: “Sir, you can’t do that. The people calling are customers, too.”

Customer: “I don’t want anyone to come between us.”

(The phone starts ringing again.)

Customer: “You need to help me first!”

Me: “Sir, I promise not to answer the phone until we’re finished.”

Customer: “I can’t take that chance!” *hangs up the phone again*

Of Objects And Objectivity

, | London, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you sell MP3s?”

Me: “MP3 players, sir?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I want to buy MP3s.”

Me: “You can buy MP3s from our website’s digital store. It’s really easy. However, we don’t sell MP3s in store, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “So, you don’t sell MP3s in store? Why?”

Me: “You can’t hold an MP3, sir.”

You Got The Wrong(est) Audition

, | California, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I’m working a register as a odd looking man approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sexy, I have a complaint.”

(I just ignore the “sexy” part and move on.)

Me: “What’s the problem, sir?”

Customer: “That’s not your line! Do you want me in this f***ing porno or what?!”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Customer: “You aren’t the girl, are you?”

Me: “Um…I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, then! Have a good day, miss! God bless you!”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

The Devil’s Logic

| Pune, India | At The Checkout

(I am a customer checking out at a famous Indian supermarket. To make things faster, I am putting the stuff from my cart onto the conveyor belt. Among my purchases is a pack of condoms.)

Customer behind me: “I can’t believe you are buying condoms! Don’t you know that sex is evil? Only the devil does it!”

(I am kind of taken aback, but I reply with an evil twinkle in my eye.)

Me: “Well, if sex is only for the devil and I don’t use condoms, then you’ll be seeing the devil’s kid next year!”

Customer behind me: *crosses himself and stares at me until I leave the store*

No Returns On The Can Of Worms

| Syracuse, NY, USA | Pets & Animals

(I’m standing at the service center chatting with a co-worker when a customer walks up and places a bag on the counter.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “Of course! Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s in the bag.”

(She opens the bag and little bugs come jumping out of the bag and scuttle around the counter.)

Customer: “Those aren’t mine! I don’t even have animals! They aren’t
mine!”

Me: *speechless*

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