Compliments To The Bride

| London, England, UK | Uncategorized

(I’m serving a customer and she catches sight of my engagement ring.)

Customer: “Oh my God, you’re married?”

Me: “Engaged, actually.”

Customer: “Wow, but you’re so ugly!”

Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

| Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I am signing to a deaf couple, asking them if they need help. Before they can reply, a customer interrupts me.)

Customer: *gasping* “You’re in a gang!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “I saw you! You flashed them a gang sign!”

Me: *laughing* “No, ma’am, it’s ASL.”

Customer: “I don’t care what your gang is called. It’s people like you that make me scared to go out at night!”

(She leaves with her purchase, which turns out to be a shirt that says “B****es Get Stitches.”)

PDF: Please Don’t Fuss

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Technology

Me: “Do you have a PDF file?”

Customer: “That’s redundant!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “PDF stands for ‘printable document file.'”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but PDF stands for ‘portable document format.'”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! It’s ‘printable document file!'”

Me: “One moment please.”

(I open up a browser, look up “PDF”, and turn the computer monitor around for him to see.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: *leaves without saying another word*

Righteous Insinuation

| Broomfield, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(A lady is looking at cross jewelry while the manager is helping her. Note that the manager is female and is a bit heavy set.)

Customer: “Do you have a coworker that can help me?”

Manager: “I’m afraid not. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I don’t want to be helped by someone that’s pregnant but hasn’t gotten married.”

Manager: “Um…well…I’m a virgin.”

Customer: *goes wide-eyed and quickly leaves*

Get Thee To A Nursery

| USA | Family & Kids

(An older customer comes to the counter with lingerie and skimpy outfits that are clearly too small for her.)

Customer: *defensively* “They aren’t for me!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “What do you see in my hair?”

Me: “Uh, nothing?”

Customer: “A lot of white! You see? White!”

(She grabs several white strands of her hair and shows them to me.)

Me: “Okay?”

Customer: “It’s not okay…not when I don’t have grandkids. My daughter is 30 and hasn’t even started dating! I hope this will help her along!”

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