Mad As A Hater

| Spearfish, SD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working at a big box store as a cashier. There are two cashiers up front. I’m at register #2 and a coworker is at #4, so there is a register in between us. A customer walks up to register #3. My supervisor tells the lady she can either go to register #2 or register #4.)

Customer: “I hate Obama! I just want you all to know that.”

(The customer huffs and goes to my register.)

Me: “Hi there! Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “I don’t trust credit cards. I pay only in cash.”

Me: “Well, it’s not a credit ca—”

Customer: “I don’t trust companies! Don’t you worry about me. I will just pay cash.”

Me: “Alright…”

(I proceed to ring up her items.)

Customer: “You know you can only get boy tank tops?! I don’t wear bras! I never have, only when I was breastfeeding.”

Me: “Yeah. Unfortunately for women you have to buy separate tank tops.”

Customer: “I’ve never liked girls. I only had boys.”

Me: “Ah, okay. Today your total is [total].”

Customer: “And you know what? I hate Martha Stewart. She is a royal b****!”

(All I can do is laugh awkwardly and give the customer her change and receipt.)

Me: “Well, have a nice day.”

Customer: “And those Kardashian girls. They are so FAKE!”

(The customer crumples up her receipt and throws it at me. She storms away. The other cashier and my supervisor just stare at me. We are all stunned.)

Me: “Did that really just happen?”

Making A Display Of Themselves

| NM, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a department store selling shoes, where we keep the smallest size on display. We are often only sent one pair in each size, so it’s not uncommon for small-footed customers to ask for discounts on display shoes.)

Customer: “This shoe fits me perfectly, but it’s the display.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is our only size six.”

Customer: “Well, can I get a discount?”

Me: “We only offer discounts on shoes with obvious defects or damage. These look fine to me, but if you don’t want to take the display I can order you a new pair.”

Customer: “So, there’s nothing you can do?”

Me: “I can treat them with leather lotion, which will solve any dryness or minor scuffs from being on display.”

(The customer narrows her eyes at me. She puts the toe of the shoe in her mouth and bites down, leaving obvious teeth marks in the leather.)

Customer: “How about now?”

(My manager, who has seen the whole thing, has walked up behind me.)

Manager: “Now you have to buy them. Full price.”

Customer: “But they’re damaged!”

Manager: “And I’m sure the police would love to hear how you purposefully gnawed on our merchandise. Shall we call them?”

(The customer hung her head, but quietly paid for the shoes. She hasn’t been in since.)

Certified Or Certifiable?

| Pasadena, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(A few weeks ago I accidentally stabbed myself in the hand, between my thumb and index finger. Though it has healed, I have a scar, and it still hurts quite a bit if I hit it on anything. A customer has purchased a battery operated device. Store policy is to put batteries in it to make sure it works before they leave. I go to put batteries in but the cap slips out of my hand and manages to hit my scar.)

Me: “Ouch!”

Customer: “What happened?”

Me: “Oh, sorry. The cap hit the scar on my hand.”

Customer: “How’d you get it?”

Me: “Oh, I was at my other job, when I accidentally stabbed my hand. It healed pretty quickly with no infection. So, it’s all better now.”

Customer: “Why would you do that?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Why would you stab yourself?”

Me: *joking* “Well, it just seemed like such a good idea at the time.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t do that! You should see someone about your issues right away!”

Me: “Um, it was an accident. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t lie to cover up your problems. Here take my card. I’m certified for these kinds of things.”

Me: “No, thank you. It really was an accident. I was just joking earlier.”

Customer: “Nonsense! I demand that we set up an appointment. I’m going to help you. I’m certified for these kinds of things.”

Me: *sigh* “….so you said.”

Customer: “Good. Now, how does meeting me at [address] at 2 pm tomorrow sound?”

(I am defeated, and am just trying to get this customer out of my store.)

Me: “Sure, sounds just fine.”

Customer: “Okay! See you then. And don’t worry, we will help you with your issues. Just don’t do anything too bad before we meet again!”

(The customer walks off smiling. I never went to that meeting, although I did give my boss a heads up if a crazy woman came asking for me.)