Size Matters, Part 10

| Dublin, Ireland | Rude & Risque, Top

(I work at a small counter in my store that sells the company’s own brand condoms. A female customer comes to the condom counter with a complaint. I’m busy with a customer, so my coworker steps in.)

Customer: “I want to return these!”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My husband says they’re too small and they won’t fit him!”

(My coworker is a very unabashed flamboyant man. He proceeds to take a condom out of the packet, open it, unroll it and pull it over his hand and right up to his elbow, all while the customer watches in stony silence.)

Coworker: “If that doesn’t fit your husband, can I have his number?”

Customer: *leaves silently, taking the box with her*

Related:
Size Matters, Part 9
Size Matters, Part 8
Size Matters, Part 7
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 2

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

(Our store credit card has recently changed banks it affiliates with, so everyone with our store credit card was given notice on every bill for a few months before they received their new cards.)

Customer: “Yeah, I got a new credit card in the mail.” *tosses his card on the counter*

Me: “Yes, we changed banks. If you had a balance on your previous card, it will just have transferred over to this one.”

Customer: “But it has a company name on it and we don’t own this company anymore.”

Me: “Oh, so you want to change the information that’s on the card?”

Customer: “I don’t know, you tell me.”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t know. I can’t really tell you what to do with your card–”

Customer: “But we don’t own this business anymore!”

Me: “So, do you want to call the credit card company and get them to change it to a personal account?”

Customer: “I don’t know! Why aren’t you telling me what to do?!”

Me: “I’m not really sure what you want me to tell you.”

Coworker: *stepping in after overhearing* “You have to go home and think about what you want. Then when you make up your mind, call the 1-800 number on the back of the card and tell them what you want to do with your card.”

Customer: “Okay!” *leaves happy*

Related:
Asile Always Need Directions

A Lose-Snooze Situation

, | Vancouver, Canada | Technology

Customer: *rushes into the store* “I need a battery.”

Me: “Sure, what type of battery do you need?”

Customer: “It’s for my home alarm system. It’s not working because the battery is dead.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what size or type of battery it uses?”

(I show him the various sizes: AA, AAA, C, 9 Volt, etc.)

Customer: “I don’t know. These all look the same.”

Me: “Could you bring in the one that is not working and I will match it up with the correct one to ensure you purchase the correct one?”

Customer: “You mean, bring the dead battery here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I can’t do that! It’s for my alarm system. If I take the battery out, it won’t work. The battery is dead, so my alarm is not working!” *leaves*

That’s One Shell Of A Cat-astrophe

| Michigan, USA | Pets & Animals

Me: “Welcome to [business name]. How can I help you?”

Couple: “We need a carpet cleaner. We saw this one in the ad.”

Me: “It’s right over here.” *takes them to the cleaner*

Couple: “We have cat vomit everywhere.”

Me: “Well, this should help. Here are some of its features—”

Couple: “We can’t even have company over. It’s embarrassing. There is so much cat vomit on the floor!”

Me: “Well, this one over here has better brushes.” *demonstrates another product*

Couple: “If our landlord were to see it, we’d get evicted. There is so much cat vomit!”

Me: “Well, this model is what I recommend.” *still showing features*

Couple: “…and the cats drag their meat all over the house.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Couple: “We feed them raw meat, and they keep dragging it all over the house. It gets in the carpet!”

Me: “Wow. Yeah, this should help get that out.”

Couple: “We’ll take it. What sort of soap can we use with this?”

Me: “It doesn’t matter; it doesn’t have to be the same brand. Here’s some.” *shows them some soap*

Couple: “Is that going to be safe for our turtle?”

Me: “Huh?”

Couple: “We also have a turtle that we let roam around. This soap won’t hurt him, will it?”

Don’t Have A Cow, Man

| Finland | Extra Stupid

(I work in a shoe store. A customer comes over to me with a pair of shoes.)

Customer: “What material are these shoes made of? Are they made of leather?”

Me: “No, they are synthetic.”

(According to my boss, we don’t need to know the exact formula, just that a pair of shoes is synthetic or leather, etc.)

Customer: “Synthetic? What exactly does that mean? So, they’re not leather?”

Me: “No, they’re not. Synthetic means they’re artificially made and not of leather or any other naturally occurring material.”

Customer: “Uh-huh. But are they leather?”

Me: “No.”

(Customer takes the pair of shoes away. Two minutes later I see her talking to my coworker with another, similar pair of shoes in her hands. This new pair is clearly made of same material than the previous one.)

Customer: *to coworker* “Synthetic, I see. But are they made of leather?”

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