Acting Irregular Over Regular Price

| Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Right | January 19, 2015

(We are a discount store that never has sales because our prices are already low. This year we open on Thanksgiving evening and stay open through Black Friday, though everything is regular price. A customer walks into store about an hour after we open.)

Me: *at cash counter* “Good evening, ma’am!”

Customer: “I heard you guys are opening now and aren’t closing until midnight on Black Friday!”

Me: “Yes, we’re going to be open all night tonight and all day tomorrow.”

Customer: “Great! I’m surprised there’s nobody here. So, what are the specials?”

Me: “Well, we actually aren’t having any sales; our prices are already rock-bottom.”

Customer: *confused* “So everything is regular price?”

Me: “That is correct.”

Customer: *shouting* “Then why the h*** am I here? I should be at home spending time with my family, not wasting time shopping at full price! I only came because I thought there’d be a good sale! You wasted my time and took me away from my family!”

Me: *pointedly* “I agree. I don’t like being away from my family on holidays either. Have a nice night.”

Customer: *leaves in a huff*

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An Acrimonious Acronym

| USA | Working | January 18, 2015

(I manage a retail boutique. I have been looking to hire a replacement for a keyholder who is leaving, and I have to be fairly picky about who I hire in those positions, as they’re responsible for opening and closing the store by themselves when my assistant or I are off, as well as handling deposits, taking $1000 custom orders, etc. Meanwhile, I have a seasonal associate who has no interest in talking with customers and has difficulty following instructions on tasks.)

Seasonal Associate: “What’s a [acronym for sales performance goals]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Seasonal Associate: “A [acronym for sales performance goals]. What is that?”

Me: “You’re joking, right?”

Seasonal Associate: “…no? [District manager] just sent an email about that and I didn’t know what it meant.”

Me: “[Seasonal Associate], I know for a fact that [Assistant Manager] and I both explained it to you when we interviewed you for the job, as well as during it your first couple shifts. It was explained in the orientation video that I witnessed you watch and take a quiz on. We’ve used that term every single day, multiple times a day, since you started five months ago. There’s a huge chart, at eye level, on the door to the sales floor that tracks everyone’s [acronym for sales performance goals] each week. How do you not know this?”

Seasonal Associate: *shrug*

Me: “You do realize that [acronym for sales performance goals] is literally the only way the company judges how our store is performing, right?”

Seasonal Associate: “I didn’t realize that. By the way, if you can’t find another key-holder, I can do it!”

Putting The Screwed Into Screwdriver

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | January 16, 2015

(I work in the hardware department of [Major Company]. I get a call 5 minutes to close.)

Me: “[Major Company] hardware department. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, yes. I was looking to see if you have [item number] screwdriver set in. I have been looking at it for weeks, but have been waiting for the price to drop.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. Would you mind if I put you on hold for a minute while I go check?”

Customer: “Sure thing.”

*I put them on hold, find the set, and get back on the call*

Me: “Hello, ma’am? We do have the set in stock.”

Customer: “Oh, great, could you hold it for me?”

Me: “Are you in the parking lot?”

Customer: “No, why?”

Me: “Well, we can only hold items at our registers until we close for the night on the same day.”

Customer: “Well, how many do you have left?”

Me: “This would be the last one, ma’am.”

Customer: “Last one? What the hell?! Can’t you put it in back or something?! I’ll be there in 10 minutes to pick it up!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot. We can only hold items until we close for the night and we closed about, oh…” *looks at clock* “… 5 minutes ago, now. There is no way you would be able to pick it up tonight, even if you ordered it online. We can always order it to the store or even to the house if we don’t have any in when you stop by. Might I suggest ordering it onl—”

Customer: “Don’t you dare mention that Internet hocus pocus! My husband needs this ASAP, and I’ll be there in 10 minutes AND IT. BETTER. BE. THERE!”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

Customer: *hangs up*

Coworker: “What was that about?”

Me: “Some angry lady who’s going to be more pissed off than usual in about 10-15 minutes.”

(I found out two days later that the angry lady did come to the store 10 minutes later and found the building closed. She came in the next afternoon, demanded the set, got upset when it was no longer available, proceeded to throw merchandise around the department looking for it, and had to be escorted out by security.)

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Are Jew Crazy?!

| San Diego, CA, USA | Right | January 16, 2015

(It’s mid-morning on Black Friday. A jovial customer comes in, hits on the young lady I’m ringing out, and then walks around the counter after being rejected. He sees my coworker.)

Customer: “Hey! Hey, man. Are you Jewish?”

Coworker: “What? No?”

Customer: “Oh, good. So you’re American!”

Coworker: “…what?”

(The customer then quite happily left the store.)

Doesn’t Fit The Bill

| Scotland, UK | Right | January 14, 2015

(I work in a gift shop at a castle. A puzzled customer comes up to the till.)

Customer: “How much are your postcards?”

Me: “They’re 50 pence.”

Customer: “So 50p means 50 pence?”

Me: “Yep, they’re the same thing.”

Customer: “Okay, so, I have a certificate for 5.”

(We don’t do gift certificates to the best of my knowledge, so…)

Me: “Sorry; when you say certificate, what exactly do you mean?”

Customer: “It’s like a… bill?”

Me: “A five pound note?”

Customer: “A what?”

Me: *baffled* “May I ask where you’re from?”

Customer: “I’m from California.”

Me: “Right, well, basically, our pence are like your cents, and our pounds are like your dollars. It’s 100 pence to a pound.”

Customer: “OH! That makes so much more sense of all of your shops!”

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