The Son Of Mondegreen

, | USA | Right | June 17, 2014

(I am looking for new albums in a music store when I overhear a conversation.)

Customer #1: *singing ‘The Monster,’ a song of Eminem ft. Rihanna* “I’m friends with the monster, the son of my bed.”

Customer #2: “Your lyrics are wrong. It’s ‘that’s under my bed.'”

Customer #1: “Seriously, how can a monster fit under a bed?”

Customer #2: “‘The monster under the bed’ is an expression used by children and the song uses this expression to depict the artist’s struggles in overcoming his demons. And besides, how can a monster be a son of a bed?”

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A Real Humdinger Of A Solution

| Bryan, OH, USA | Right | June 16, 2014

(Even though I don’t work in this store anymore, I still have friends that do. I am there getting fabric with my daughter. The fabric area is in the middle of the store. We start to hear a bell ringing on the other side of the store. Every 30 seconds the bell rings, and goes on for a good five minutes.)

Employee: *looking at me* “He doesn’t even bother to look up, just keeps hitting it!”

Me: *calling across the store* “He is busy. He will be with you in a moment!”

(The customer just looks at me, and dings the bell more. This time, he doesn’t stop, and just keeps hitting the bell for a solid two minutes. At this point, I’m angry, I have a headache, and the employee is too nice to do anything rude, so I walk across the store, and grab the bell right out from under the customer’s hand.)

Me: *holding the bell* “I said he was busy.”

Customer: “HEY! You took my DINGER!”

Me: *walking away* “Yes. I am now in possession of your ‘dinger.'”

(The employee is trying to hide his laughter as I come walking back with the bell in my hand. The customer is following me and yelling the whole time.)

Customer: “I demand service! I’ve been here before and I want someone to help me!”

Me: You will get help as soon as he is available to help you. He is busy with me right now.”

Employee: “Sir, I’m the only person on this half of the store, everyone else is on break. If you can just wait a moment, when I’m done with her I will come help you!”

Customer: *looking at me* “What is your name?!”

Me: “[My Name]. I’m not sure why that matters to you.”

Customer: “I’m talking to your manager!”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Then why did you take my dinger!”

Me: “Because you pissed me off!”

Customer: “I have the right to ding the dinger!”

Me: “Yes, you do! But you abused that right! So I have now banned you. BANNED!”

(He storms off. About 10 minutes later, he comes back with a manager.)

Customer: “HER! See, her! She is the one that took my dinger!”

Manager: “Sir, I do not know this woman. She doesn’t work here.”

Customer: “She was rude to me!”

Manager: “Sir, she has that right.”

Customer: “I demand you fire her!”

Manager: “Sir, seriously, I do not know who she is. She doesn’t work here!”

(The customer stomps away. The manager looks at me and laughs as she starts talking.)

Manager: “He told me he wanted to complain about a customer, and I didn’t believe a customer would complain about another customer! I’m so sorry! He is always so rude, but this is a new low even for him!”

Me: “It’s all good. I did what I know everyone has always wanted to do, and it felt soooo right!”

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The Slippery Subject Of Price

| NY, USA | Right | June 16, 2014

(A customer puts bananas on the conveyor belt at my till. I pick them up and type the

number for the bananas in.)

Customer: “Wait up. The bananas are [price] for one set of bananas, not [price] for one single banana.”

Me: “No. We have no scales here so the price of fruit is per single item.”

Customer: “You didn’t explain that fast enough so I’m not getting them.”

Birthright Is Wrong

| Australia | Right | June 16, 2014

Customer: “Oh! What an interesting accent! Which country are you from?”

Me: “Thank you. I was born here, but my dad is Northumbrian, so I have a bit of his accent.”

Customer: “So when did you arrive in Australia?”

Me: “I never left. I was born here.”

Customer: “No, that’s impossible. I don’t think you were. In fact, I KNOW you weren’t.”

Me: “So, it’s impossible for my mother to have me in Australia with my dad, who migrated from the UK and has a strong accent that I picked up?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “I was born here in Australia, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, you keep thinking that.” *winks and leaves the store*

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Can’t Believe What You’re Hearing

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Working | June 16, 2014

(I work in a large discount home-ware warehouse store. It’s just after ten am. The store opened at nine; I started at ten. A customer has come to me.)

Customer: “There’s been an accident in the china section.”

Me: “Oh, no. Could you show me where?”

(He takes me to a section where shelves had collapsed, spilling china all over the concrete floor. Shards are everywhere.)

Me: “Oh, was anyone hurt?”

Customer: “No, I just found it like that. I came around the corner and almost trod on the broken plates.”

Me: “It’s funny that I didn’t hear it. That sort of crash would have been heard all over the store.”

(I block off the area and go to find the manager and to bring back cleaning equipment.)

Me: *to coworkers* “Have you seen [Store Manager]? There’s been a big shelf collapse in the china department.”

Coworker #1: “He’s not in yet. Strange that we didn’t hear anything.”

Me: “Yeah, may have happened overnight.”

Department Manager: “Oh, was that what we heard this morning?”

Me: “You heard it? When?”

Department Manager: “About 8.30.”

Me:  “And you didn’t go to check?”

Department Manager: “No, not my job. [Coworker] could do it”

(That coworker had the day off. It’s lucky that no one was in the area at the time, because they wouldn’t have been found until after I got in, and lucky that no customers walked on it!)

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