Never Outshine A Customer

| Canberra, Australia | Bizarre

(I am approaching a middle-aged woman who has come into the store.)

Me: *very cheerfully* “Hey there! How’re you today?”

Customer: “Fine. And you?”

Me: “I’m great actually.”

Customer: *yells* “Stop showing off!”

Me: *speechless*

For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 3

| Copaigue, NY, USA | Wild & Unruly

(I am bringing shopping carts back into my workplace when I see a grown man, in a business suit, running with his cart to pick up speed and then riding on the back of it. As I keep walking towards the building, I walk past a woman.)

Woman: *disgusted* “I don’t know him.”

Me: “It’s okay. Boys will be boys!”

For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 2
For Some, Childhood Never Ends

Caution: Wet Weather May Be Wet

| Avondale, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work as a cashier at a well-known arts and crafts store. This particular day, it is raining very heavily, which is rare in Arizona.)

Customer: *walking over to myself and other cashier* “Excuse me, it is wet outside. I almost slipped.”

Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am. Are you okay?”

Customer: “Yes, but you need to put a wet floor sign outside so people are aware that it is wet.”

Coworker: “It’s raining, ma’am. I think people know the ground will be wet.”

Customer: “No, they won’t! Because I didn’t!” *storms out the store*

Function Begets Purpose

| Copaigue, NY, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am ringing up a couple of younger woman when one shows me an item.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Do you know if this blends?” *holds up blender*

The Answer To Life, The Universe, And Everything

| Arizona, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

(We greet customers as they come in and answer questions they may have. A man comes in with his wife and comes over to me.)

Me: “Did you have a question, sir?”

Customer: “So what have you heard about woodchucks?”

(I’m completely confused, so I try to just play along.)

Me: “I hear they chuck wood.”

(The customer begins to scowl at me, actually looking offended and disgusted with my answer. He then asks me a few questions about some of our products before heading off to shop.)

Customer: *cryptically* “And you keep thinking about those woodchucks…”

(He returns later and I am the cashier to take care of him. He brings up the woodchuck thing again as he’s about to leave.)

Customer: “I’ve only had one person, this old man—a veteran—answer me correctly. He told me…42.”

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