Thank God For Better Halves, Part 2

| Huntsville, AL, USA | At The Checkout

(We’re running a buy two, get one free promotion in our store, but you must have a membership to qualify. The membership is free. A customer and his wife approach the counter with only two games.)

Me: “Sir, do you have a membership card?”

Customer: “I don’t want no card.”

Me: “The only reason I ask is because members can get—”

Customer: “No, stop trying to sell me something.”

Me: “Sure, sir, I just thought you might want a free game today with our free membership. Your total is [amount].”

(Suddenly, the customer’s wife smacks him with her purse.)

Customer’s Wife: “Will you shut your mouth and listen to her?!” *to me* “YES, we want a free game. Thank you!”

Related:
Thank God For Better Halves

Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer

| MO, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(A popular bookstore chain is going out of business, and all of their stores are having ‘going-out-of-business’ sales. One such store is located in the same plaza as the home improvement store where I work.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Home Improvement Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, you guys are located in the same plaza as [Bookstore] right?”

Me: Yes, ma’am, we are located a few stores down from [Bookstore]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “Are they open?”

Me: “That particular branch of [Bookstore] hasn’t closed their doors yet, but given the fact that they’re going out of business, I’m not sure how much longer they’ll stay open.”

Customer: “Well, I just tried calling them and no one is answering the phone.”

Me: “I do know that they are still open. However it’s possible that whatever few employees are actually still working there are currently assisting other customers at the moment, so I would try giving them a call again a little bit later. In the meantime, is there anything we here at [Home Improvement Store] can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, could you go down to [Bookstore] and see if they have any copies of [various book titles] left?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no one here is going to be able to leave the store in order to check that for you.”

Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?”

Me: “Because we’re all employees of [Home Improvement Store], not [Bookstore]. We’re all needed here.”

Customer: “You retail people are supposed to go above and beyond for your customers!”

Me: “We do a lot for our customers, ma’am. You, however, have expressed no interest in being our customer, but rather that of [Bookstore].”

Customer: “Well, you’re no f****** help!”

(I ended up transferring her call to my manager, who laughed at her request to send one of his employees to check the inventory of a different store.)

It Is Paranoia If There Is No One After You

| AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(I work as a cashier in a bed, bath and furniture place. We are required to ask customers for emails and postal codes before they pay. I usually skip the email bit for older customers because they usually won’t have an email, but still ask for postal codes. My next customer is an older man.)

Me: “Hi, is this everything for you today?”

(The customer just gives me a blank stare.)

Me: “That’ll be [price]; can I get your postal code?”

Customer: “MY POSTAL CODE?! WHY DO YOU NEED MY POSTAL CODE?!”

Me: “Well—”

Customer: “I’M SICK OF THE GOVERNMENT SPYING ON ME ALL THE TIME! THE LAST THING I NEED IS STORES AND PEOPLE LIKE YOU SPYING ON ME!”

Me: “…alrighty then.”

(I proceed to hit the skip button and finish his transaction.)

Customer: “I must come off as a paranoid freak, but I assure you I’m not!”