Attack Of The O’Hooligans

, | Foley, AL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, are you the manager?

Me: “Yes. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to complain about your employee in the jewelry department. She’s a hooligan!”

Me: “Well, what did she do?”

Customer: “Her hair is green!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just for St. Patrick’s Day.”

Customer: “I don’t care! It’s unprofessional and rebellious! It probably means she’s in a gang!”

Me: “Very well. I’ll talk with her.”

(The associate and I have a good laugh over it. She comes in the next day with her ordinary brown hair. The customer happens to come in, too.)

Customer: “Oh, your hair is brown! I’m glad I was able to help you get reformed from your rebellious ways!”

One Baby Or Less Aisle

| Round Rock, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I am checking out a mother with an infant son.)

Mother: “I have a question. Will you guys take cute as payment?”

(My manager is standing behind me.)

Manager: “We’ll take him.”

Wait In Line, Parish The Thought

| Tampa, FL, USA | Top

(A customer comes up to the front of a long checkout line.)

Me: “Ma’am, you have to go to the back of the line or go to another line to purchase. There is already a line here.”

Customer: “I have to checkout now! I have to go to church in 5 minutes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you have to wait. You could also come back and get your toy after your service.”

Customer: “I have to checkout now! I bet you’re just some heathen who wants me to miss church!”

(A customer who is also a priest comes up to the front.)

Priest: “Ma’am, going to church will not make you a better Christian. Shouting something as hateful as ‘heathen’ to this sweet lady certainly won’t help either.”

Customer: “She won’t check me out so I can go to church! She obviously is not Christian.”

Priest: “Ma’am, just please go to the back of the line, or leave. Nobody wants to hear your hateful comments to such a sweet woman. She might not be Christian, but she sure gives a lot more respect to people than you do.”

Customer: *huffs* “Fine! But when God sends his fire upon both of you, you’ll be sorry!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

| WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Why didn’t my order go through?”

Me: “It looks like your card declined due to insufficient funds.”

Customer: “Well, yeah. But I fail to see how that’s my problem.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 11
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 10
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

War On Knowledge

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for something for my little grandson. He needs to dress up for school. Like someone from the civil war. Someone like George Washington. Do you have costumes or wigs or anything that could work for that?”

Me: “Well, first a clarification as to what you’re looking for. Are you looking for someone from the civil war? Or from the revolutionary war?”

Caller: “Right! Do you have anything like that?”

Me: “Well, George Washington would be the revolutionary war. Are you looking for something like George Washington for the revolutionary war? Or do you want something from the civil war?”

Caller: “Well, something from that time period.”

Me: “Well, you see that’s two different time periods. You mentioned George Washington. Is that what you want?”

Caller: “Well, I don’t know. He was one of the Presidents, right?”

*pause*

Me: “Right.”

Caller: “President of Virginia, or something like that? The state of Virginia?”