Peace On Earth, Or At Least During The Day Shift

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

(The store is open Easter Sunday. We only have three people on duty: two salesmen and myself.)

Customer: “Wow, I’m really surprised you’re open on Easter!”

Me: “Well, it doesn’t matter to us. I’m Muslim and my salesmen here are Jewish. We offered to work today so the other employees could celebrate the holiday.”

Customer: “And you all get along?”

Me: “Um…yes.”

Customer: “I didn’t think that was allowed!”

Tis The Season To Be Tired (Of Customers)

, | San Mateo, CA, USA | Holidays

(During the Christmas season, we managers at my store often work 12+ hour days. This day is one of them, and I have been there since 7:30 in the morning; it is now 8 pm. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Wow, you sure look tired. When did you start?”

Me: “7:30–”

Customer: “That’s the problem with today’s generation. Can’t work a full day without looking like they are falling asleep!”

Me: “AM, sir.”

Customer: “Oh…” *walks off with a blank stare on his face*

Perhaps It’s The Space Between Their Ears

| Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer rushes in flustered.)

Me: “Can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I need something, but I’m not sure what.”

Me: “Uh, okay. Is it an appliance, like a kettle or toaster, or are you after a TV or vacuum cleaner?”

Customer: *getting agitated* “No! I need something, you know to clean between my floor and ceiling!”

Me: confused “So…to clean the room?”

Customer: “You people are all the same, trying to sell me something every time I’m in here!” *storms out*

Placebo Me, Part 3

| Colorado, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the footwear department at a sports store.)

Customer: “I would like to return these hiking boots.”

Me: “These boots look like they have been worn outdoors. I need a manager to approve this return.”

Manager: “Why are you returning these boots? Was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “Yes, they kept tripping me…”

(The customer and her husband argue for about 5 minutes before finally my manager gets fed up and gives in.)

Manager, to me: “Could you please help this lady find some hiking boots that won’t trip her?”

Me, to customer: “Do any of these hiking boots catch your eye?”

Customer: “Oh, these are cute.”

(I turn to see her holding up a pair of boots identical to the pair she had just returned.)

Related:
Placebo Me, Part 2
Placebo Me

Folie A Deux

| Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I am working in the men’s department when a well-dressed, handsome man comes up with a few pairs of pants. Most of them are one size, while one or two are one size larger than that.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “I see here that these are one size larger than the others. Did you need the two different sizes?”

Customer: *sheepishly* “Yes, actually, I do.”

Me: “I was just checking. Sometimes clothes don’t get put back in the proper piles and sizes get mixed up.” *continues ringing him up* “Are you purchasing these as a gift? We can provide you with a gift box.”

Customer: “Oh, no, both sizes are for me.” *leans in to whisper* “You see, I need one size for most of the time, and another for… that time of the month.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Don’t judge me! My wife cooks fattier foods for a whole week when…you know! It’s like Thanksgiving every night for a week!”

Me: “Oh, wow. I can’t imagine what she’s like while pregnant.”

Customer: *visibly pales* “I hadn’t thought of that. Oh, no. I can’t have that happen! I’ll get FAT!”

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