Loyal Spoil

| MO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

Customer: “I want to order this product. Since I’m a loyal customer, can I have free shipping?”

Me: “No, I apologize that free shipping is only on select products, and those products are advertised as such on the website.”

Customer: “But, [Competitor] has a similar product with free shipping. Can you make an exception?”

Me: “No, I apologize that I can’t.”

Customer: “Guess I’m going to [Competitor] then!”

Me: “Thank you for being a ‘loyal’ customer!”

Was Not Performed In Chest

| Springfield, MO, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I work in the lingerie department of a large department store. A man and his wife walk in. The wife goes to look at our clearance racks, while her husband comes up to me.)

Man: “What bra size do you think I am?”

(The man attempts to puff out his chest, which amounts to little as he is flat-chested. I’m kind of taken aback, but I go with it.)

Me: “I’m not sure.”

Man: “Well, you measure people, right? Measure me!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know if that’s—”

Man: “Come on! Measure me!”

(I grab my measuring tape and ask him to hold his arms up. He kind of dances around a bit, but I ignore him. I go to wrap the tape around his chest, which is a little awkward since I basically have to hug him.)

Me: “You’re a 42 band size—”

(Suddenly, the man leans in to kiss me. I jump way back.)

Me: “Woah! Personal bubble!”

(By now, his wife has returned. The man tries to explain.)

Man: *to his wife* “It’s her fault! She’s giving me a look!”

(The man and his wife leave soon after, but not before his wife comes and gives me a quick apology for her husband’s behavior!)

Needs To Find A New Post

| UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Language & Words

Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for [brand] aftershave lotion, but you don’t seem to have any!”

Me: “Did you look in the [brand] section? I think they do a few different ones actually. I’ll show you now.”

(I walk him to the section and show him a few.)

Me: “So, you’ve got this one, for sensitive skin, and this one is—”

Customer: “This isn’t AFTER shave! It says right here: ‘POST Shave Balm!”

Me: “Erm, actually ‘post’ means ‘after.'”

Customer: “…What do they pay you here?”

Me: “Around [salary] per hour.”

Customer: “Well, you deserve every penny of it! You’re a smart girl!” *mutters as he walks off* “Who knew that ‘post’ meant ‘after’…”