The Elephant In The Room

| Fergus, ON, Canada | Bizarre

(An older customer brings up washer fluid.)

Me: “Hi, sir, will this be all?”

Customer: “Yes.” *whispers* “It’s good for keeping the elephants away.”

Me: “Oh…well, have a nice day!”

Now Accepting Immigrants From Femmerica

| Marion, IA, USA | Bigotry, Top

(I’m sweeping when an older gentleman comes up. Note that I’m female.)

Customer: “It’s good to see you doing that.”

Me: “Oh…um…thank you.”

Customer: “So many of you young ladies these days are d*** fem’nists.”

Me: “Actually, sir, I am a feminist. It’s just a little dirty, so I need to clean up.”

Customer: “You d*** fem’nists! Taking jobs from real ‘Mericans who need jobs.”

Me: “Sir, I was born in this country. I’m a third-generation American. Being a feminist makes me no less American than you. I just support women’s rights.”

Customer: “That ain’t ‘Merican! Women ain’t ‘Merican!”

Me: *speechless*

Weeding Out The Dumb Ones

| South Dakota, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Top

(We are a fair trade store and, as such, sell items such as incense and incense burners. We are sometimes mistaken for a “head shop”. We also rent kayaks in the summer.)

Customer: *looking over his shoulder a few times* “Where is your ‘special merchandise?'”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “You know…” *winks* “…your ‘back room stuff.'”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have anything in a back room. All of our stock is out on the floor.”

Customer: *pointing to the kayak storage room* “Then, what’s in there?”

Me: “That’s our kayak room.”

Customer: *knowing look* “Oh…your ‘kayak room’. Can I see your ‘kayak room?'”

Me: “Sure!”

(He walks back, opens the door, walks in. I can hear him moving things around for a few minutes before he returns with a confused look on his face.)

Customer: “There’s kayaks in there!”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Where’s the weed?”

Me: “Bye, now!”

Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

| Canton, MI, USA | Pets & Animals

(I’m working in the pet department, cleaning out the dead fish in the tanks. A small girl, probably about 5 or 6, approaches me.)

Girl: “Are you taking care of the fish?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Girl: *noticing the dead fish* “There’s a dead fish in there!”

Me: “Yeah, I’m taking care of the dead fish.”

Girl: “What are you doing with the dead fish?!”

Me: “No, I’m—”

Girl: “STOP KILLING ALL THE FISHES!”

(Thankfully, the mother comes and grabs her, apologizes profusely, and quickly walks away.)

Related:
Something Smells Fishy

A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2

| Portsmouth, UK | Math & Science

(I’m makeup artist on a counter in a large department store. Although I don’t have anything to do with the department store, lots of customers approach me for help, and I’m usually able to assist.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell the Nintendo 3DS?”

Me: “We don’t in store, but I can order one for you.”

Customer: “You know, I wish everything was in 3D. The world would be so much more interesting!”

Me: “Ma’am, everything is in 3D, including yourself.”

Customer: “Whatever. Airheaded bimbo!” *storms off*

Related:
Get A Life
A New Dimension Of Stupidity

Page 315/556First...313314315316317...Last