Catty-log

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Well, you can start by telling me why every page of your catalog has the same thing on it.”

Me: “Well, that’s actually a stack of one-page information fliers for the [product].”

Customer: “Oh. Thank you.”

Don’t Commit The Crime If You Can’t Tell Time

| OH, USA | Top

(A customer places a heavy box on the counter.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we usually can only do exchanges on opened merchandise.”

Customer: “I don’t want an exchange. I want a refund!”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Customer: “I bought this here last week, and the item is missing.”

(I try to pick up the box. It weighs many times more than it should.)

Customer: “It was all full up with bricks and newspaper!”

Me: “That’s terrible. If you give me your receipt I will start processing your refund.”

(The customer digs through her purse for her receipt. Meanwhile, I look through the box and verify that it is filled with bricks and crumpled-up newspaper. I examine her receipt which is, in fact, from last week. Then, I take a closer look at several pages of the newspaper.)

Me: “Ma’am, so you bought this last week, and it was filled with bricks and yesterday’s newspaper?”

Customer: “Uh…I’ll take an exchange, please.”

The Hazards Of Playing In Water

, | Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir. Welcome to [golf equipment store], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Where can I find the swimming pool equipment?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We only manage golf equipment.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, but where’s the stuff for the pool? I mean, like filters and those tube-y things that float.”

Me: “Sir, we only sell golf equipment. Golf clubs, golf balls, and the like. We do not sell swimming pool equipment–only golf.”

Customer: “What kind of golf store doesn’t have swimming pool stuff?!”

Either Way, He’s Talking About Nuts

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: *with a thick accent* “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Which aisle is the penis butter in?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The penis butter.”

Me: *blank stare*

Customer: “Penis butter! You know, penis butter! Penis butter, penis butter!”

Me: “Oh, peanut butter!”

Customer: “Yes, pea-nut butter.”

Me: “Sorry about that. It’s in aisle 5.”

Customer: “Okay. Thank you, sir!”

Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees, Part 2

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to buy these, please.”

(The customer is an older gentleman. He has five bottles of lotion.)

Me: “Okay, let me ring you up.”

Customer: *smiles* “One for each mistress.”

Me: *laughing nervously* “Awesome.”

(The customer winks and licks his lips.)

Customer: “I can grab a sixth, if you like.”

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Please Do Not Lather UpThe Employees
Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
Please Do Not Pet The Employees