Two Difficult For Them

| MA, USA | Working | August 16, 2014

(I’ve just handed the cashier, a teenaged girl who’s sitting on the counter and reaching around to scan items, a $10 and a $2 bill for my $11.75 in items.)

Cashier #1: “I… What is this? It’s so cool! But what do I do with it? [Cashier #2], where do these go?”

(She hands the other cashier the $2 bill.)

Cashier #2: “I don’t know. Hey, [Cashier #3], are these real?”

Cashier #3: “I don’t know. What the h*** is that? I don’t think it’s real.”

Me: “…”

Cashier #1: “I don’t know what to do. I’ll have to get a manager.”

Me: “Okay…”

(15 minutes later, the five of them decided to just put the $2 bill in the drawer for ones.)

Customer Service Until You’re Satisfied

| FL, USA | Right | August 16, 2014

(The store I work for sells novelty items including adult toys. We’re currently taking donations for breast cancer, so once I ring in all of the items I ask everyone the same thing.)

Me: “And would you like to donate $2 to our breast cancer awareness organization? You’ll get your name up on our wall and you can even ring the cowbell if you’d like!”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’ve done a lot this year. As a matter of fact I just recently agreed to service someone for free for a $50 donation.”

Me: “… Oh, that’s nice!”

Customer: “Oh, my god! I’m a hairdresser! I meant hair services, not the other kind. Oh, my god. I’m sorry.”

Me: “Oh, that’s okay. Trust me. Working here I’ve heard way worse!”

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Never EVER Burst His Bubble

, | CT, USA | Right | August 15, 2014

(I used to work in one of the retail stores for a major shipping company. We sold all sorts of shipping materials, but the one that most caught customers’ eyes was the 250′ roll of bubble wrap. One day this older man who seemed like he might have been high walked into the store, stared at the two rolls of bubble wrap stacked on top of one another, and then looked creepily over at my coworker and me.)

Customer: “I’ve always wondered how much bubble wrap it would take to ship a corpse.”

Me: “Well, I would guess that depends on the size of the corpse.” *nervous laughter*

Customer: *creepy smile* “I’ll let you know.”

(He left and my coworker and I were left wondering whether or not we should call the cops.)

That’s What They Both Said

| LA, USA | Working | August 15, 2014

(I have just got off work on the overnight shift at a big box store. I am picking up a few grocery items before heading home. Among my items are a few cucumbers. The cashier ringing me up is a lady I was friendly with when I was a cashier a few years prior.)

Cashier: “Oh, you making a salad when you get home?”

Me: “Yeah. I like to eat something kinda light for my ‘dinner.’ I know its seven am but it’s dinner to me!”

Cashier: “True. Wow, these cucumbers are huge!”

Me: “Aren’t they? And those are two of the small ones. I don’t really like the big ones. The seeds are too big.”

Cashier: “And see, me? I like the big ones! I like a lot of seeds in mine!”

Me: “Well, go get you some when you get off. They are huge. I’m sure they’re full of seeds. And leave some little ones for me. These big ones are too much for me.”

Cashier: “Oh, yeah, I was just thinking I’m gonna have to go get some of these big boys.”

(I pay and gather my bags.)

Me: “Thanks, you have a good day. Oh, and by the way… I can’t believe we just had that conversation with straight faces!”

Cashier: *eyes get wide and bursts out laughing*

Doesn’t Even Close A Sale

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Right | August 15, 2014

(It’s been a slow night, and my coworker and I have been the only people in the store for over an hour. It’s five minutes until closing time.)

Coworker: “I think I’ll go lock up a few minutes early. I don’t think anyone else is coming in.”

Me: “Fine by me. I’ll get started on the register.”

(Right on cue, the door opens and a customer walks in.)

Coworker: “Oh, welcome. Is there anything we can help you find?”

Customer: “No, not right now. I’m just here to look around.”

(The customer wanders over to the trinket section. Since we’re not allowed to tell customers that we’re about to close, my coworker makes a big show about locking the door. The customer doesn’t notice.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. Is there anything I can help you find tonight?”

Customer: *flipping through a magazine from the display* “No. I’m good, thanks.”

Me: *loudly* “[Coworker], I’m gonna go grab the vacuum so we can begin the nightly cleaning!”

Coworker: *just as loudly* “Okay! Make sure you hit some of the lights in the back too! I’m going to flip the sign on the door since it’s past eight o’clock!”

(My coworker and I continue loudly discussing our nightly duties every time we pass by the browsing woman. We keep asking her if she needs anything, and each time she waves us away. In desperation, I turn off half the lights in the store, which doesn’t phase the customer at all. Finally, we are out of nightly chores to do; the only thing remaining is to close the register, which we can’t do while the customer is in the store.)

Coworker: *loudly* “Man, I can’t wait to go home. I’m really hungry.”

Me: *loudly* “Me, too! I have homework to get started on once I get home. What time is it?”

Coworker: “8:15.”

(We drift into silence and stare at the customer as she picks up figurines off a shelf, examines them, and sets them back down. After a few minutes, the customer suddenly looks up and seems to realize that the lights are off, the store is deadly quiet, and the two employees are staring straight at her.)

Customer: “Oh, my. Are you guys closing?”

Me: *relieved* “Yes, ma’am. We closed nearly 20 minutes ago. We’re just waiting on you.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(She continues browsing for another 10 minutes. Finally, she makes her way to the front of the store.)

Coworker: *unlocking the door* “Was there anything you needed to buy, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh, no, not tonight. I just like looking around. Good night!”

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