Don’t Trust ’em If They Bring No Custom

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Money

(I work in a big box electronics store that is liquidating. It is the last day, and my shift has ended. As I am on my way to the break-room after clocking out, the following exchange occurs near our former camera department.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir. Do you work here?”

(I still have my company polo on.)

Me: “Not any more!”

Customer: “This is why you’re going out of business!”

Me: “Actually, I never saw you in here once in the three years I worked here. YOU are the reason we’re going out of business, you vulture!”

(I understand he called the store and threatened come to the parking lot to shoot me. Thankfully, by then, I had already gone home!)

We Wish You A Merry Saturnalia

| Cleveland, OH, USA | History, Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month

(I worked in a local retail store while in high school and college. A week before Halloween, I notice a regular customer riding in one of our electric carts, staring at the Halloween costumes and props. She is there for some time. I decide to ask if she needs help.)

Customer: “St. Michael the Archangel defend us in battle—”

(As a Catholic, I recognize she is praying.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Only if you can replace all this evil with Christmas stuff.”

Me: “Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. One more week!”

(The customer then goes into a rant about what Halloween means to Wiccans and pagans. Then she gives a thorough lesson in Tartarus and other mythologies. She invites me to help her host a Bible study for her good Christian neighbors, which is her alternative to dressing up and ‘worshipping demons.’ By this time, my manager thinks I’m just goofing around and is coming towards me to say something. The customer stands up, grabs my arm and raises it into the air while using her other arm to throw costumes, props, and wigs out into the aisle. My manager seems to understand what is happening. After getting her to stop protesting, he turns to me.)

Manager: “Thank you for not telling her about the origins of gift giving on Christmas.”

Es-pwñ-ol, Part 2

| San Diego, CA, USA | Language & Words

(My coworker is Mexican, but has very fair skin. Our store has more than 60,000 item numbers. While the employees who work in certain sections know the products and the numbers in their area, cashiers have to look the numbers up in the computer.)

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering what the price on this item is.”

Coworker: “Of course. Let me just look up the number for you.”

Customer: *to her friend in Spanish* “Can you believe this dumb b****? Can’t even tell me the price for this stupid thing.”

Coworker: *in Spanish* “The price for that is [price]. Can I help you with anything else?”

(The customer turned white and quickly walked away!)

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Es-pwñ-ol