About To Be Charged With Something Else

| ACT, Australia | Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you sell a charger for this phone?”

Me: “We usually do, but I’m not sure if we have any in stock. I’ll have a look for you.”

(I look on our accessories wall. I’m too busy to notice the customer has walked up behind me.)

Customer: *low voice* “It’s just that the prostitutes keep stealing mine.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Did you want to know that?”

Me: “Not really.”

A Dark Day For Political Correctness

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Top

(Keep in mind that I’m wearing a black shirt.)

Customer: “I have a question. Can you help me?”

Me: “I’ll try, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, do you carry any construction paper?”

Me: “Yes, we do. It is right this way, if you would follow me.”

(We walk to the aisle.)

Customer: “Do you have any dark paper, though?”

Me: “Yes, we do. What color of dark paper are you looking for?”

(The customer looks at me like I’m a moron.)

Customer: “Dark paper! Like your shirt!”

Me: “Oh, you mean black.”

Customer: *gasps* “I’m sorry, but I can not believe you would say that! I feel that word is just so offensive to the colored community!”

(The customer storms out of the building, muttering about racists. The customer is white.)

Bilateral Symmetry Meets Botched Schooling

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(I am organizing my area of the store when a customer and her young daughter come in.)

Girl: “Mommy, why can’t I marry my cousin?”

Mother: “Because you’re too closely blood related.”

Girl: “What’s ‘blood related’?”

Mother: “It means if you had a baby together, it might come out with a deformity. You know…like having two arms.”

Phoney Answers

| USA | Uncategorized

(I’m standing at my register. A customer walks up while talking on her cell phone. I smile at her and start ringing up her order.)

Me: “Would you like a box?”

(The customer is still talking on cell phone and doesn’t answer. I start packing her order in a box anyway.)

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

(She hands me a check, but is still talking on her cell phone. I put it through the check printer for her.)

Me: “Okay, I just need to write your phone number on the check.”

Customer: *dead pan, and still on her phone* “I don’t have one.”

*extended pause*

Me: “Okay, I’ll just put ‘unlisted’.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14

| CT, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do you have financing options?”

(I explain the program, and the customer fills out the online form. The site gives an instant decision. She gets declined.)

Customer: “I got declined. I don’t understand why.”

Me: “Well, it has to do with your credit. You’ll receive a packet in the mail within 10 business days explaining exactly why you were declined.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. Can you help me with this? I think I did something wrong.”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t apply again. It’s not likely to change and it means that it will run another credit check on you.”

(The customer insists, and begins filling it out with me there overseeing. She gets to the section about annual income and planned purchase amount. She puts $100,000 as her annual salary. Keep in mind, she’s no more than 25.)

Me: “Man, I’m in the wrong business. Can I ask what you do?”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m a student. But my dad works on Wall Street.”

Me: “But you make $100,000 per year?”

Customer: “No, my dad does.”

Me: “But, you’re applying for the card in your name. They need your annual income.”

Customer: “Can’t I just use his?”

Me: “No, you can’t. In fact, what you just did is illegal. That’s why you got declined. You’re trying to commit credit fraud.”

Customer: “Oh, I can’t do that?”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 11