We Wish You A Merry Saturnalia

| Cleveland, OH, USA | History, Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month

(I worked in a local retail store while in high school and college. A week before Halloween, I notice a regular customer riding in one of our electric carts, staring at the Halloween costumes and props. She is there for some time. I decide to ask if she needs help.)

Customer: “St. Michael the Archangel defend us in battle—”

(As a Catholic, I recognize she is praying.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Only if you can replace all this evil with Christmas stuff.”

Me: “Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. One more week!”

(The customer then goes into a rant about what Halloween means to Wiccans and pagans. Then she gives a thorough lesson in Tartarus and other mythologies. She invites me to help her host a Bible study for her good Christian neighbors, which is her alternative to dressing up and ‘worshipping demons.’ By this time, my manager thinks I’m just goofing around and is coming towards me to say something. The customer stands up, grabs my arm and raises it into the air while using her other arm to throw costumes, props, and wigs out into the aisle. My manager seems to understand what is happening. After getting her to stop protesting, he turns to me.)

Manager: “Thank you for not telling her about the origins of gift giving on Christmas.”

Es-pwñ-ol, Part 2

| San Diego, CA, USA | Language & Words

(My coworker is Mexican, but has very fair skin. Our store has more than 60,000 item numbers. While the employees who work in certain sections know the products and the numbers in their area, cashiers have to look the numbers up in the computer.)

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering what the price on this item is.”

Coworker: “Of course. Let me just look up the number for you.”

Customer: *to her friend in Spanish* “Can you believe this dumb b****? Can’t even tell me the price for this stupid thing.”

Coworker: *in Spanish* “The price for that is [price]. Can I help you with anything else?”

(The customer turned white and quickly walked away!)

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Es-pwñ-ol

The Price Is Right, The Customer Is Not

| Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

(It is Thanksgiving. A customer comes up to the register with a mountain of ads from other stores, since we offer price match. She puts three turkeys on the belt.)

Customer: “Hi. [Competitor Store] has turkeys for 87 cents a pound. Can you match it?”

(Our price is 79 cents a pound.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am. No need to price match; ours is cheaper.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. I see the prices and [Competitor Store] prices are much cheaper.”

Me: “Honestly, ma’am, they are indeed cheaper.”

Customer: “Please humor me. Honor your policy and give me the price I want!”

(At this point I shrug my shoulders and comply.)

Me: “Alright. Your total is $47.90.”

Customer: “See! Much cheaper.”

(The customer puts the turkeys in her cart and walk away. About twenty minutes later, I’m helping the customer service desk. The same woman from earlier comes in line looking clearly upset. I open my register. Since she is next in line, she comes to me.)

Customer: “You cheated me! You gave me [Competitor Store] price when you knew your stores prices were cheaper!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I remember correctly, I tried telling you our price. You insisted on getting [Competitor Store] prices. Knowing that the customer is always right, I did as you wished.”

(The customer turns bright red and starts yelling.)

Customer: “In this case the customer was wrong! Now give me your price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Once meat leaves the store, we can no longer return it, nor change the price you received.”

(The customer screams. She takes her three turkeys and runs off.)