If Hugs Could Kill

| Drexel Hill, PA, USA | Health & Body

Me: “Hey, how you doing?”

Customer: “Not too good. My favorite aunt is dying and I have to go to the hospital.”

Me: “That’s too bad. I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “Thanks. I’m gonna go there and hug her and kiss her to death.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You know what I mean.”

Aging Is A Zero Sum Game

| Quebec City, Quebec, Canada | Extra Stupid

(Our store has an aisle with toys as well as celebration stuff for birthdays, including candles for birthday cakes. I am filling up this aisle when a lady in her late 50’s comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you carry candles that are numbers?”

Me: “Yes, let me show you.”

(I show her the candles we have, from 0 to 9.)

Customer: “Oh, they don’t carry 55. My husband is going to be 55.”

(I think she’s joking, and laugh a little.)

Me: “Well, you can just buy two 5’s, and that’ll make 55.”

Customer: *disgusted* “I don’t know why they hired you!” *leaves without buying anything*

Bootleg Me Some Common Sense

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Criminal & Illegal

(Note: this takes place before either of these films are available on DVD or Blu-ray.)

Customer: “I’d like a copy of Transformers 3 and Hangover 2.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but those films are still in the theaters and won’t be out in stores until after the summer.”

Customer: “No, I just saw them for sale at the flea market.”

Me: “Those would be bootleg copies. They’re not very good quality.”

Customer: “That’s fine. Just give me those.”

Me: “We don’t sell bootlegs here.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You should sell whatever the customer wants!”

Me: “Bootlegs are illegal and we can’t carry them.”

Customer: “That isn’t very good service! I’m going to speak to your manager.”

Me: “That’s fine; you can ask for him at the service desk.”

Customer: “I hope he fires you for being incompetent.”

Me: “Well, thank you for shopping at [store] and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Jacka**!”

The Year Of Spending Dangerously

| Utah, USA | At The Checkout

Me: “Since you’re using a credit card, I need to see your ID, please.”

Customer: “Oh, for crying out loud!”

Me: “Ma’am, we ask for ID for your safety.”

Customer: *getting agitated* “Well, I don’t want to be safe, so just knock it off already!”

Time For A Can Of Womb-A**

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Top

(I’m seven months pregnant and am working the checkout.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re pregnant! It’s a girl, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, she is.”

Customer: “I could tell. Girls take all the beauty away from their mothers.”

Page 311/546First...309310311312313...Last