Piercing Puerility

| Connecticut, USA | Health & Body

Customer: “How do I know my nose ring goes all the way through my nose?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, I can’t see it, so that must mean that it doesn’t go all the way through my nose.”

Me: “Your nose ring goes all the way through your nostril.”

Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

Me: “You’re not supposed to see it.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t go all the way through my nose!”

Me: “The word ‘pierce’ means that it goes all the way through your nostril. It wouldn’t be pierced if it didn’t go all the way through.”

Customer: “But I can’t see it!”

Me: “You’re not supposed to see it. Unless you get a hoop, you’re not going to see it.”

Customer: *leaves*

¿Cómo se dice “Anger Issues”?

| Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words

Customer: “Habla español?”

Me: “No habla español.”

Customer: “You just did.”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “You just spoke f***ing Spanish. You’re a f***ing liar!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I only speak a few phrases in Spanish. I’d be happy to find an associate that speaks Spanish to further help you.”

Customer: “You’re a f***ing racist! I speak perfect english!” *storms off*

Always Right, Everywhere

| London, UK | At The Checkout

(I am ringing up a customer’s order at a very busy store.)

Customer: “Those jeans are coming up as £79.99 when they should be £39.99.”

Me: “Okay, in that case, I will just change them for you. It’s the first day of our sale and it sometimes takes our computers a while to adjust all the prices.”

Customer: “You should apologize to me. In my country, we would apologize for a mistake like that.”

Me: “Well, as I said, it is not really an error on my part, just a computer issue. But as you can see, I have changed the price for you.”

Customer: “I know it’s not your fault but you should say sorry to me. Where I come from, we would apologize for that sort of thing!” *grumbling under breath* “Stupid b****.”

Me: “What was that? I don’t quite think I caught that last part.”

Customer: “Oh, nothing! Just talking to myself! And I still think you should apologize. This is ridiculous!” *swears more under her breath*

Me: “Here’s your order! I am glad we avoided an international incident today. Have a fantastic day!”

Microsoft Tours Are Megahard

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Technology

(A customer approaches me on the sales floor.)

Customer: “Hi…um…where are your Mi-cro-softs?”

Me: “Sorry, my Microsofts? Microsoft is a company.”

Customer: “Yeah. It’s on my list here, but I can’t find it in your store.”

Me: “Actually, they make a lot of stuff.”

Customer: “Yeah. Show me everything…”

(I proceed to go through everything Microsoft I can think of, including keyboards, mice, Word, Publisher, Excel, Powerpoint, operating systems, some basic card games, and clip art collections. We go back and forth, and eventually I show her Windows 7 and Office disks. In the end, she left the store without purchasing anything.)

BOGO: Buy One Give One

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

(I’ve been helping a customer who’s about to get a great deal because of a BOGO promotion in the store. She also has a coupon for a free item. Even I am impressed with the amount of products she’ll get for free. I’ve been helping her select lotions and fragrances on the floor.)

Customer: “Well, I have so much already. I don’t know what to pick out next. What would you recommend? What’s your favorite fragrance?”

(I show her my favorite fragrance and she adds a lotion to her bag before she heads to the register to check out. She comes back to me after she makes her purchases.)

Customer: “Thanks so much for your help today!”

(Surprisingly, she hands me a bag from our store with an item in it. Inside is my favorite lotion; she had used her coupon to treat me!)

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