Rated I For Immature

| Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working the Black Friday shift from 11:30 PM to 8:15 AM. A customer hands me Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3. It has an M rating, so I ask to see her ID.)

Customer: “What, I don’t look 17?”

Me: “It’s not that, ma’am. I can’t continue ringing you out until I have a valid ID to scan. It’s the law.”

Customer: “Oh my God! Can’t you just say I have the ID?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need to scan it. I can’t get past this screen until I do.”

Customer: “Well, figure it out! My ID is in my wallet, which is out in the car. I’m not going back out to get it!”

(I try a few other methods, but it still won’t let me get past the screen. I explain this to the customer. She’s made such a ruckus that other customers are starting to take notice.)

Customer: “Then take it off! I don’t want to buy it! This is f***ing ridiculous. I want to talk to your manager!”

(I call my manager over.)

Manager: “She’s following what she was trained for, ma’am. I can overwrite the screen, but please don’t harass our employees for doing their job. It makes HER look like the mature adult here. And, next time, remember your wallet and ID, so you don’t look like the dumb one at the register!”

Customer: *huffs, pays for her things, and walks out*

The Panties Of Yeast Resistance

| Washington, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

(I am the lead in the lingerie department. After watching me for 15 minutes, a middle-aged man approaches me as I’m folding underwear. Note that this customer has bothered other female workers and is clearly a panty fetishist.)

Customer: “So, I’m buying some panties for my teenage daughter. Are these something that she would like?” *hands me a satin thong*

Me: “It depends on your daughter, but the pattern on them is nice.”

Customer: “But, will she like them? You’re about the same age. Do you wear panties like these? You said that they were nice. Do you own a pair of these panties?”

(I’ve worked in lingerie for awhile now and know what this customer is up to.)

Me: “Oh no, sir. Thongs are very bad for vaginal health. They help bacteria move from the anus to the vulva area and can cause urinary tract infections. Plus, cotton underwear really are the best, as satin doesn’t breathe properly and can lead to yeast infections.”

Customer: *stunned silence, turning red*

Me: *leads him to the “granny panty” section* “Really, these would be the best for your daughter. They’re the only underwear that I’ll wear! It’s best for her vaginal health. This four-pack is very economical. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Customer: *drops satin underwear and walks away very fast*

Me: “Have a great day!”

(My manager saw the exchange and gave me a high-five. The customer still bought underwear from us, but he never bothered another female worker again!)

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A Rude A-Blabbering

| Massachusetts, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

(I’m ringing out a customer who is blabbing away on their cellphone.)

Me: “Your total is $13.47.”

Customer: *throws her card on the counter and continues blabbing*

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *no answer*

(I put the card back in front of her and wait. Eventually, she realizes I’ve stopped and speaks to me.)

Customer: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “I was trying to ask if you you would like debit or credit, but you wouldn’t give me an answer.”

Customer: “That’s probably because I’m on the phone having a conversation! God! Debit!”

Me: “Okay, please enter your PIN number and hit the green button when you’re done.”

Customer: *ignores me and starts blabbing away on her phone again*

(I ask for her PIN a few more times, but after about 30 seconds the credit card machine automatically cancels the transaction since no PIN number has been entered.)

Customer: “Now what’s the problem?”

Me: “I asked you to enter your PIN number a few times, but the machine timed out. I’m going to need to swipe your card again.”

Customer: *throws the card at me*

Me: “Okay, please enter your PIN number and hit the green button when you’re done.”

(Once again, she isn’t paying attention. The machine times out. I put the card back on the counter in front of her and ask the next customer behind her if they are ready to be cashed out. The next customer approaches the counter and places her items down.)

Customer: “UMM, EXCUSE ME?! YOU’RE WAITING ON ME! ”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’ve been trying to wait on you for several minutes but until you finish your phone call, I will not be able to complete your transaction.”

Customer: *to her cellphone* “Can you believe this? I’m being refused service because Im on my phone. This is bulls***!” *to me* “YOU ARE EXTREMELY RUDE!”

(Fed up, the next customer speaks up on my behalf.)

Next Customer: “YOU’RE calling the cashier rude? You’re the one who has been holding up the line. The poor girl was trying to get you to enter your PIN for 5 minutes while you blurted out your personal business in front of a bunch of strangers. You need to learn some manners!”

Customer: *blushes and walks out of the store without her items*

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With All Douche Respect

| Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

(Note: I am working the express lane in a large department store. Note that we also have a bank branch located inside our store, although this is not where I work.)

Customer #1: “Give me that ten back in a roll of quarters.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t have enough quarters, and even if I did, I’m not allowed to sell rolls of quarters.”

Customer #1: “Are you kidding me? Is that from you, or your manager?”

Cashier: “That’s store policy.”

Customer #1: “That’s f***ing stupid. I’ve been a customer at this store for 27 god*** years and I’ve never had this problem!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. I really can’t do that.”

Customer #1: “Let me talk to your manager, then, because this is f***ing ridicu—”

(Fed up, another customer who has been waiting behind Customer #1 interrupts him.)

Customer #2: “Would you stop being such a colossal douche? She says she can’t, and she says it’s policy. It’s not going to change just because you yell at her. If you want to see a manager, go find one and leave her alone. Besides, there’s a BANK fifty feet away from you. Get out of this line! The rest of us have lives!”

Customer #1: “Listen, lady… stop calling me a douche—”

Customer #2: “THEN STOP BEING A DOUCHE!”

Customer #1: *leaves*

Customer #2: *to the cashier* “Sorry, people are douches!”

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Inconsiderate People Never Take Stock Of Other Customers

| London, UK | Awesome Customers, Technology

(We sell printer ink cartridges. As we don’t have the space to display them all, we place dummy cards which have the name and price on them. They all have a ‘subject to availability’ sticker on them).

Customer #1: “Just these two.” *places dummy cards*

Me: “I’m afraid we’re out of stock on one, sir. Would you like us to order you one?”

Customer #1: “No.”

(I proceed to scan the one.)

Me: “Your total is £15, please.”

Customer #1: “But what about the other one?”

Me: “As I said, we are unfortunately out of stock.”

Customer #1: “Now you listen here! I have, selflessly come in MY OWN time. I have come to YOUR store. Now GET me my INK!”

Me: “I don’t know what I can do for you, sir. We haven’t got it.”

Customer #1: “Well, I’m not moving until I have that ink!”

(He smiles and crosses his arms, keeping eye contact with me. By now, a line has formed behind him.)

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, sir.”

(The customer doesn’t speak and continues to stand there. Suddenly, another customer behind him grabs him by the scruff of his neck and turns him around.)

Customer #2: “May I suggest you selflessly go f*** yourself?!”

Customer #1: *goes red and quickly darts for the door*

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