Getting All Hancocked Over A Benjamin

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I am ringing up a customer. After I tell him his total, he decides to continue shopping. He tries to hand me a $100 bill, but I tell him to hold on to it until he’s done shopping. I watch him shove it in his pocket. A few minutes later, he comes back with a second item.)

Me: “Your total today is $32.44.”

(The customer grabs the bag and begins to walk away.)

Me: “Sir, you still need to pay for your purchase. It’s $32.44.”

Customer: “I already gave you $100!”

Me: “No, I asked you to hold on to your money until you finished shopping.”

Customer: “Nu-uh, you put it in the register.”

Me: “Sir, it’s in your right pants pocket.”

(He reaches in, pulls out the bill, and hastily shoves it back in his pocket.)

Customer: “I saw you take it! Hey everyone! This b**** stole my money!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that your money is in your pocket.”

Customer: “Nah, f*** you, b****! Give me back my money!”

(He then comes over the counter at me as I’m dialing security. I give him my ‘don’t mess with me’ glare and he backs off, but moves on to threatening the other customers, saying they were all on it and that one of them has his money. Security finally arrives and escorts him out, banning him from the premises.)

Related:
Getting All Hancocked Over A Lincoln

Less Scam Artists, More Scam Finger-Painters

| CT, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a small specialty retail shop. It is the beginning of the day, so we only have $70 in each of the two cash registers, mostly change with a handful of $5 and $1 bills. Two customers come in and browse around, getting only a few small items each. They are the first customers of the day on my register. The first one gives me a $20 bill for a $4.79 purchase. I put the bill on top of the drawer, and count the change back to her.)

Customer: “You’re giving me the wrong change. I gave you a $50 bill.”

(I haven’t closed the register, and am just putting the $20 in its slot, so I show the customer the bill.)

Me: “No, you gave me a $20 bill, right here.”

Customer: “No, I know I gave you a $50 bill.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it was a $20 bill. You’re my first customer, and this is the only $20 bill, and there are no $50 bills at all.”

Customer: “You must have put it into the safe slot.”

Me: “We don’t have one of those. Here, have a look.”

(I pull the drawer out, and show the customer the contents and the space underneath it.)

Me: “There’s no $50 bill anywhere. And no other bills over $5.”

(The customer’s friend decides to intervene.)

Customer’s Friend: “Don’t worry; it’s okay.”

(They exchange looks, and the first customer rolls her eyes.)

Customer: “Okay then, well, no point in making a scene about it.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(I check out the friend’s small purchase, who gives me a $50 bill. I give her the change and they both turn to leave. On the way out, the friend whispers to the first customer…)

Customer’s Friend: “You were supposed to let me check out first!”

The Joke Is On (And In) Him

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a party and joke item store. Our policy for backpacks is you have to leave them at the front door, no matter what. I stop three kids as they enter.)

Me: “Excuse me, you have to leave your backpack at the front by the door.”

(Two of the kids put their bags up front. The third pretends he didn’t hear me.)

Me: “You have to put your backpack up front.”

Kid: “What? Why? Someone’s going to steal it if I leave it up front.”

Me: “I doubt anyone will want your backpack, but if it bothers you that much, write your name on a slip of paper and I’ll attach it to the bag.”

Kid: “F*** no. I’m not going to steal anything. You a**holes always think I’m going to steal something.”

Me: “The policy is that you put your bag up front. No one is immune to that policy. I don’t care if you’re an elderly man with a bag of candy; you still put it up front.”

Kid: “Man…”

(The kid gets annoyed and drops his bag at the door, and then stomps off after his friends. Thirty minutes later, he comes back.)

Kid: “See? I didn’t steal s***!”

(As soon as the kid picks his bag up, a plastic knife drops from his pants pocket, along with a pirate’s gold tooth, and a rubber mask slides halfway from under his shirt.)