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Glossing Over The Details

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(I work at a large chain retail store, and my location happens to have a small photo kiosk in it. I notice a customer who seems to be having some difficulty with his prints.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “I just can’t seem to figure out how to get the pictures to print on matte paper… I can’t find the option to change it from glossy.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We actually only carry glossy paper.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I need it on matte. How do I get it to print matte?”

Me: “We can’t. We don’t carry matte; our only option is glossy.”

Customer: “But I’m a professional photographer, and my customers requested matte paper. I can’t give them glossy. It just looks unprofessional. So, how can I fix this?”

Me: “I can try to look up other printers in the area for you, but unfortunately we won’t be able to do that for you. We only have glossy paper.”

Customer: “Well, fine! In that case, I’ll take my business elsewhere.”

(He picks up his prints and starts towards the door.)

Me: “Sir, you haven’t paid for those yet.”

Customer: “But they didn’t come out right. I’m not paying for them.”

Me: “If you take them, I have to charge you for them. Otherwise, we can dispose of them.”

Customer: “No! I’m a professional photographer, I can’t risk someone stealing them out of your trash and using them for their own profit!”

Me: “We can shred them for you.”

Customer: “But if you’re just going to throw them away anyway. Why can’t I just take them?”

(I finally convince the customer he has to pay for the prints before he can take them, and he leaves, still grumbling about how they’re defective because they’re not on matte paper.)

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Not Made Of The Right Stuff

| TX, USA | Pets & Animals

(Our store is having a promo: with any Brand purchase you get a free stuffed dog.)

Customer: *very excited* “What does the free dog look like?”

Coworker: “We have different colors.” *brings out four different colors of stuffed dog*

Customer: *looking very disappointed and annoyed* “Oh, they’re fake…”

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A (Mason) Jarring Request

| Warwick, RI, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I accidentally pick up a call from a customer who had asked to speak to “the manager.” Although I’m not the store manager, I am A manager, so I decide to try to power through what is clearly going to be a ridiculous call.)

Me: “So sorry for the wait. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I asked to speak to the manager because the regular people who work in the stores don’t actually know anything.”

Me: “Okay… how can I help you?”

Customer: “First of all, I would like to make a complaint about your hold music. You shouldn’t have it. It gets in your head. So I think it’s incredibly rude, and you should get rid of it immediately.”

Me: “All right, sir, I do apologize about that. I will certainly let my superiors know about your concerns.”

Customer: “Good. Next, I’m looking for two things. One, I need small mason jars, preferably in a two-pack. Second, I need a replacement antenna for my TV. I wanted a manager, because I don’t think the regular workers know the full stock of the store and will just tell me you don’t have them without looking.”

(We are not an electronics store, per se, but we do have a large website with an enormous assortment from which we place orders for customers all the time. As he’s talking, I am quickly doing an online search for a replacement antenna. Turns out, we do carry a wireless antenna that none of our stores stock, but which we can order for the customer and have sent directly to him.)

Me: “All right, sir, it looks like we do carry a wireless antenna through our website that our stores don’t have in stock, but which I could order for you and have sent straight to your house.”

Customer: “I don’t like ordering things without seeing them first! This is the fifth antenna I’ve had to buy now, and they all break! I just want to watch local channels, the local news, international news, and basic things. I don’t know what is so hard about this! This is the fifth one!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Like I said, we carry one. We just have to order it. I’d probably recommend some kind of electronics store—”

Customer: “I already tried them!”

Me: “Ohhhhkayyyyy, well, I’m sorry I can’t help you with the antenna, then. As far as the mason jars go, I definitely have some small jars in stock, although they come as a set of four, not two.”

Customer: “But I only need two. I want it to come as a set of two.”

Me: “I’m so sorry about that, sir, but all of our mason jars come as a set of four or more. I do apologize that I couldn’t help you with either of those things today.”

(The customer continues to rant at me for a few more minutes, saying the exact same unhelpful things, before finally letting me go. I immediately went and found my store manager, and relayed the customer’s “concerns,’ including that we should do away with our hold music.)

Me: “You owe me.”