Taxing Can Be Taxing

| WA, USA | Money

(A customer wants to send a money transfer to a friend in another state. Rates are pretty high for sending within the USA and people generally gripe.)

Me: “Would you like to send ‘Money in Minutes’ for [high price] or would you like to do ‘Next Day’ for [slightly lower price]?”

Customer: “Oh, I’ll do ‘Money in Minutes.’ I don’t mind paying the higher price.”

Me: *surprised at the lack of complaining* “Okay, no problem.”

Customer: “Yeah, I used to avoid paying any kind of taxes. I thought they were so stupid.”

Me: *confused as to why he’s suddenly talking about taxes, then realizing he thinks the transfer fee is a government tax* “Well, actually…”

Customer: “Then I realized that if we all actually, like, pay our taxes… then the government has more to, like, give out to us, you know?”

Me: “That is how that works, yes.”


Polluting The Ether

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology


Customer: “We need to get a shorter ethernet cable so we can get faster internet.”


Doesn’t Have Twenty-Twenty Cent Vision

| Bavaria, Germany | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

(Here in Bavaria stores are mandated by law to close at 8 pm so it’s usually rather packed from 7:30 until 8 pm. A line of approximately 15 people are waiting at the register. First in line is a woman in her 40s.)

Woman: “I’m sorry. Why is my receipt saying this cucumber is 70 cents?! I’m pretty sure it’s 50 cents.”

Cashier: “Well, if it rings up for 70 cents it usually is. But I can take a look at my price sheet.” *she takes a look in her binder* “No, sorry, 70 cents.”

Woman: “Well, then you must have priced it wrong. The price tag said 50 cents!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry. Maybe you looked at the wrong price tag. Happens to the best of us.”

Woman: “NO! YOU ARE COMING WITH ME TO THE AISLE RIGHT NOW! I’m not letting you f*** me over! They cost 50 cents!”

Cashier: “Well, if you insist.”

(The cashier is standing up from her register and walks away with the angry woman. Meanwhile there are over 20 people waiting in line. It only takes 2-3 minutes until the cashier comes back with the woman who appears even more angry.)

Woman: “NO! YOU’RE F****** ME OVER! I’m sure someone heard me complaining and changed the tag! THEY WERE F****** 50 CENTS!” *while waving around with said cucumber, slamming it on the counter*

Cashier: “Well, again, I’m sorry but the tag, the register, and my price sheet are saying 70 cents. Now please pay so I can attend to those other customers.”


(Suddenly, a customer is walking up to the woman and throws 20 cents at the counter. By now the line reached until the back of the store.)

Man: “HERE! Now take your stuff and leave. Let’s hope the IRS will not find out I’m throwing around such huge sums!”

(The woman angrily stormed out, got in her – I wish I was kidding – BMW-SUV, and drove away. The kicker? She left the cucumber behind.)


PDF = Pretty Dumb Fail

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(My copy center normally just prints things for customers, but we also offer a word processing service for those without the equipment or ability to type many pages of text. One of my regulars, an elderly gentleman who barely knows how to access email from his PC, has asked me to type up several pages of text for a legal document. For this particular project, he asked that we create an editable PDF form so that he can reuse it for multiple different projects. His work is completed, emailed to him with instructions on how to save the file and use it, and he goes home. About an hour later, the phone rings.)

Customer: “Hello, [My Name]? This is [Customer] and the files you sent to me don’t work!”

Me: “Err, that’s strange, sir. We tested them while you were still here and they worked fine. What is it that’s happening, or not happening?”

Customer: “I don’t know! It just doesn’t work!”

Me: “Err… Is it that the blue boxes aren’t showing up for you to type in?”

Customer: “I don’t care about that; my tech guy says you can’t edit PDFs!”

Me: *sighs* “Sir, I assure you that the document allows you to type in custom information in the blue boxes. Do you see blue boxes?”

Customer: “I don’t care about blue boxes! I want you to fix this!”

Me: “Well, since I can’t see what’s going on with your document, and you are unable to tell me, I’m not sure what you want me to fix, sir. If your ‘tech guy’ is still there, maybe he can help you?”

Customer: “No, YOU made this document, so YOU need to fix the problem!”

Me: “Sir, it’s sounding to me like the problem is with your computer, or perhaps the version of Acrobat you’re using. Maybe if you could have your tech guy update Acrobat…”

Customer: “This is [Popular Email Client]!”

(From this, I surmise that he’s previewing the document from his email and hadn’t actually saved it to his PC. If that’s the case, it explains why the document isn’t editable. I try to explain this to the customer, and tell him we’re going to walk through the steps to save it to his desktop so that he can edit it. I go slowly, making sure to wait for him to confirm what I asked him to do before going on to the next step. Finally….)

Me: “All right, good. Once you save it, we can open it and see if th—”


Me: “Sir, this WILL fix the problem. Did you do ANY of the steps I just told you?”

Customer: “NO! I didn’t! I said you need to tell me how to fix the problem! I don’t want to hear any of that s***!”

Me: *sighs* “Well, then, sir, looks like you’re going to have to call your ‘tech guy’ over and have him figure it out for you. There’s nothing else I can do for you, since you don’t want to follow my instructions to fix the problem. Have a nice day.”

(The customer grumbled some threats about “If I have to come back down there…!” but hung up. Since I never heard back from him on that subject, I’m assuming his ‘tech guy’ got him all squared away!)


Acting Out Of Line While Inside The Lines

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(It’s back to school season and our small store has a coloring competition for children to win a free backpack filled with school supplies. Because the age range for participants is four to twelve years old, it’s a random draw and we take submissions for about two weeks. On the day of the draw, just after we’ve randomly drawn a winner, a couple that appears to be in their fifties enters the store and the gentleman picks up one of the submission papers and begins to draw with the store-provided crayons.)

Customer: “When will this drawing be held, anyway?”

Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry, sir, but submissions closed a couple hours ago. We’ve actually already drawn the winner!”

Customer: *suddenly irate* “What?! Well, who won?”

Me: “This is the winning picture!”

(I show him the coloring. It’s obviously not the best drawing and not even inside the lines, but it was a very small child so what do you expect?)

Customer: *snorts* “At least you should limit it to people who actually colored in the whole thing!”

Me: “Well, sir… it was a random drawing.”

Customer’s Wife: “And anyway, we only came here to schedule a [service that we’re known for] for him.”

Customer: *still coloring* “No! I don’t want to do it now!”

Customer’s Wife: “What? Really?” *incredulous look at him* “[Customer], don’t do this. You’ve got to be kidding!”

Customer: “I don’t feel like it. I’m not stubborn! I just don’t want to now.” *folds up his coloring page and storms off*

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