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Mowing Down The Questions

| MI, USA | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

(I handle special orders at the farm store where I work. Quite a bit of it is parts requests for lawn and garden equipment. In five years I’ve rarely had someone come in prepared with brand and model information, and when pressed for it, they typically get annoyed and try to insinuate that I’m being the difficult one. Case in point:)

Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

Customer: “Well, that all depends on if you’ve got what I want or not.”

Me: “All right, what can I help you find?”

Customer: “I need a part for my mower.”

Me: “Okay, be glad to help. What kind is it?”

Customer: “It’s a rider.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I meant what brand is it?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Aren’t they all universal?”

Me: “Umm… actually, no. There are hundreds of different brands and models, each taking different parts.”

Customer: “Well, mine is the blue one.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I need to know who makes it. Did it have a name or numbers on the side of the hood?”

Customer: “I think so.”

Me: “Great! What did it say?”

Customer: “I painted over all that last year.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Look, I bought it here; you oughta be able to look something like that up in your computer.”

Me: “I can look up parts and prices, but I need a little information to get started on. Is there anyone at home where the tractor is that can perhaps go out and take a look at it and get the numbers off the serial tag under the seat?”

Customer: *disgusted sigh* “Well, see, the thing is, the dog don’t answer the phone!”

Me: “Ummmkay. Well, there are so many different applications. I just want to make sure you get the right part to get you going again; that’s the only reason I’m asking for more information. If I take down your name and number, can you call me when you get home and read what it says off the serial tag? Then we’ll be able to get you going.”

Customer: “So you’re telling me I wasted a trip in here because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, then you want me to waste another trip in to get you something you should already have? So are you gonna pay my gas money? I drove all the way from [Neighboring Town, which is two miles down the road]. Forget it, I’m gonna go down the street to your competitor!”

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Zoned Out Of Time-Zones

| KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Geography, Time

(At work, we have the ability to check stock not only at our store, but at other stores in the immediate vicinity. We can call those other stores and have them hold items for customers.)

Customer: “Do you have the larger size of this candleholder in stock? I’d like to take a look at it.”

Me: “Well, I haven’t seen it, but maybe we haven’t gotten it in yet. Let me check for you.” *I check the availability and see that not only do we not have any, but there aren’t any in the local stores* “Oh, it doesn’t look like we have any in stock here or in town.”

Customer: “That’s okay; I was asking for my sister. Do you know if the stores in California carry any?”

Me: “I couldn’t tell you.”

Customer: “Can you call them?”

Me: “Ma’am, even if I knew any of the California stores’ numbers, I couldn’t.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because it’s six in the morning in California. They probably won’t open for a few hours.”

Customer: “But you’re open now.”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re in a different time zone.”

Customer: “Can you call them anyway?”

Me: “I’d love to, but again, it’s very early in the morning there.”

(I check the inventory again and notice something about the category of the item.)

Customer: “Can you please just call them?”

Me: “I could, but it wouldn’t do much good. This item is online only.”

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Email Fail, Part 10

| Pasadena, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(My company just opened up a rewards program for customers. You earn coupons immediately when you make a qualifying purchase. i.e. when you spend $30+ you earn a $5 coupon off a purchase of $10+; when you spend $100+ you earn a $20 off a purchase of $40+. The downside is we only email/text them to you; we do not send coupons to your house or issue rewards cards.)

Me: “I see your total comes to over $30. Would you like to sign up for our rewards program? You’d earn a $5 coupon right now.”

Customer: “I’m already signed up.” *tries to hand me a competitor’s rewards card*

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not for my store. We don’t issue cards, but if you just give me a phone number and email I can sign you up for free right now.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my email.”

Me: “Okay, just know you can sign up any time on our website.”

Customer: “I want to sign up now.”

Me: “Okay, I just need a phone number and email.”

Customer: “I don’t give out my phone and email.”

Me: “Then how am I to sign you up?”

Customer: “Just give me the coupons.”

Me: “How? They need to be emailed to you.”

Customer: “No, you can just hand me some.”

Me: “No, that’s not how it works.” *explains how to earn coupons*

Customer: “Well, I’m NOT giving you my email. So, what are you going to do about this?!”

Me: “Tell you to have a nice day, dear.”

Customer: “What about my coupons?!”

Me: “I’ll email them to you.”

Customer: *suddenly happy* “Oh, okay! I can’t wait to get them.” *leaves without ever giving me their email address*

Me: “I’m going to go take a break.”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 9
Email Fail, Part 8
Email Fail, Part 7

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Unable To Provide Console-ing Advice

| Kent, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work as a sales assistant for a popular video game retailer, and part of what we do as a company is trade in old consoles and games for cash or credit. In order for us to trade them in, they need to be in a sellable condition with all parts present.)

Customer: “Hi, we’re looking to trade in our [Console #1].”

Me: “Sure thing, I’ll just get everything out to test it.”

(Upon taking the console out of the bag it was presented to me in, I untangle the cables to find out that they’re missing an AV cable.)

Me: “Do you have an AV cable or HDMI cable with you as well?”

Customer: “No? Why would I need that?”

Me: “Well, in order to proceed with the transaction I need to test the console, which I can’t do without an AV or HDMI cable.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. Why can’t you just use one of your cables? You must have hundreds.”

Me: “We can’t use other cables because we also need to sell the console with a connecting cable for the TV. Every console is sold with an AV cable, so we need to trade every console in with one.”

Customer: “But I had to buy a HDMI cable separately when I bought the console!”

Me: “Yes, but the AV cable should have come with it. You can either find it at home or buy one from us and take the value off your trade-in.”

Customer: “That’s absolutely disgraceful! Just take the console without the damn AV cable.”

Customer’s Wife: “I had the exact same problem when I came to trade in [Child]’s [Console #2]! This is not acceptable.”

Me: “A [Console #2] is different as it is a handheld console. Every non-handheld console is sold with a connecting cable to connect it to a TV. You can buy one today or I cannot trade in your console.”

Customer: “In that case I’ll take my business elsewhere!”

(The couple stormed out with their console and headed to a rival store. About 30 minutes later I saw them walk past our store, Console #1 and all.)

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Danny Trejo Must Really Need The Work

| Hamburg, Germany | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I work in a somewhat difficult neigbourhood, with some gang violence here and there, but luckily I have never experienced anything bad. A strange-looking guy comes into the store, holding a big suitcase. As I am alone, he starts to look suspiciously around him, making sure, no one else is in the room. I start to get a little nervous as he comes to the register and puts the suitcase on the counter. He opens the suitcase and pulls out a big machete and starts to wave it around my face. I back up to the wall behind me and in my head start to say goodbye to my family and my cats. He then asked me in broken English:)

Man: “You want to buy knife? Is good knife. Really sharp knife. Can cut things. I give you for 100€.”

(As I realize that he doesn’t want to rob me, I say with a shaken voice:)

Me: “Eh, no… No, thank you. I… I don’t need a knife.”

Man: *then waves the machete around some more* “Is best knife. I can give you for 50€. Special price. I can give you for 30€. Buy knife?

Me: *shaking my head in disbelief* “No… thank you.”

(He then put the machete back in the suitcase, waved me goodbye, and went out of the store.)

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