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A New Line Of Enquiry

| Kent, England, UK | Kent, England, UK | Technology

(I answer the phone.)

Customer: “I bought a laptop from you three weeks ago.”

Me: “Okay…” *expecting customer to say there is a problem*

Customer: “I’m filling in an online form and I need to tick a box. How do I tick it?”

Me: *barely containing laughter* “On the touchpad at the bottom there are two buttons. You need to move the cursor over the tick box and click the left button.”

Customer: “But there aren’t two buttons, only a line.”

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Being A Queen About It

| KY, USA | At The Checkout, Canada, Money

(The store I work for has several locations in Canada; therefore, company policy is that we accept Canadian money as well as American and the associates have to be familiar with what Canadian currency looks like compared to American. My store isn’t close to the border, so we don’t get Canadian currency a lot. I’m ringing up a customer who’s paying cash.)

Me: “So out of twenty-five dollars and thirty cents?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am!”

Me: *I go to put the cash in the till when I realize something off* “Oh, sir, do you have another quarter? This is a Canadian dollar coin.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t; it’s a quarter! We don’t use dollar coins here!”

Me: “I know this, sir, but this isn’t American currency. I can accept it as legal tender, or you can see if you have a quarter.”

Customer: “Of course it’s American currency! You just don’t want to accept it!” *scoffs* “Canadian.”

Me: “I apologize for the mix-up; it happens sometimes. People will get Canadian coins mixed in with American, but it’s not a problem to use it as legal tender here.”

Customer: “I only ever use American money, not some made-up Monopoly money!”

Me: “Sir, Canada is a real country, and this is a Canadian dollar coin. If you just look—”

Customer: “It’s an American quarter! Accept it!”

Me: “With all due respect, I’ll accept it as a quarter if you can tell me which American coin has the Queen of England on the face.”

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Between The Has And The Has-Nots

| IL, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a store where most of our sales come from people buying gifts off of registries. We are no longer allowed to offer to print the entire list because our customers refuse to read so we have to just print the available items.)

Customer: “I need the registry for [Name].”

Me: *prints a copy* “Here you go! Let me know if you need help finding something!”

Customer: “But… how will I know if she already has something?”

Me: “If she already has it, it won’t be on the list.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid*

Me: “…unless she asked for more than one of the exact same item but did not get the exact amount she wants. You only have a list of what she still needs.”

Customer: *condescendingly* “But this column says ‘has’!”

Me: “Right! And all the numbers in the ‘has’ column will be zero or at least less than the number in the ‘wants’ column!”

Customer: “So how will I know if she needs something!?”

Me: “If she needs it, it will still be on the list. Nothing that anyone else already fulfilled will even be on the paper. You can buy anything on the list!”

Customer: “Well, now I’m just confused.”

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What A Hard Case

| Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(We own both a cell phone accessories store and a kiosk in the same mall. A customer is at the kiosk and can’t find anything she likes and is agitated because of it. She is told to come into our store because we have a wider selection of cases. The customer is also currently using a case she bought from us three months ago. She is an older lady of around 45.)

Me: “Hello, how you doing today?”

Customer: “Hey, I’m very agitated right now. My experience at your kiosk was horrible!”

Me: “I’m sorry; what happened?”

Customer: “The guy made me try on your case and it was hard to take off—” *should be a good thing for a phone case so it doesn’t pop off easily* “—and I cannot find a case I like.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that; we have a lot more to choose from here. Let’s find one that fits your needs.”

Customer: “I need one that’s very protective.”

Me: “Okay, all the protective ones are over here.” *I show her our best cases*

Customer: “Noooo, these are plain and ugly!” *walks over to the shiny, flashy, fashionable cases* “How about these?”

Me: “Those aren’t too protective. They’re mainly for looks and show but they aren’t bad if you’re extra careful with your phone.”

Customer: “No, I’m super clumsy. I drop it all the time.”

Me: “Then I’d stick with the higher quality cases.”

Customer: “But I don’t want them! Oh, my god, I’m sooo irritated right now. I don’t know what I’m gonna do!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a tradeoff. It’s hard to have a perfect case that does everything at the same time.”

(She chooses one.)

Customer: “I’m just gonna go with this one. I hate the one I’ve been using from you guys. it keeps falling out of the case! What is the total?! I’ll pay more if I have to. I want to get out of here now!” *very loud and freaking out*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s not supposed to do that. I won’t charge you for the new case, only the difference.”

Customer: “That’s the same as charging.”

Me: “No, it’s not, ma’am. This case is $40+tax but you only have to pay $10+tax to cover the difference because the case you had was $30.”

Customer: “I am so annoyed right now I’m about to go crazy… You guys don’t understand business and I’m going to report this to the BBB. This is why people love Apple, because they take care of their customers.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Technically I’m supposed to charge you the full $40+tax for the case. Our return policy is seven days and our exchange policy is fourteen days. It’s been three months and I’m still allowing you to exchange it.”

Customer: “I’m never coming back again! You guys don’t understand anything! I’m never coming back.”

Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. Some people will like our products ad policies and some won’t. It’s not for everyone.”

Customer: “You don’t understand anything!”

Me: “Yes, I actually do, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, you don’t! I’ve worked in sales for over twelve years!”

(Obviously why she’s stuck in sales for 12 years. My boss comes out.)

Boss: “What is going on here?”

(We explained the situation.)

Boss: “Okay, ma’am, let me look up your purchase history on the system so we can further assist you.”

Customer: “NO! I DON’T WANT TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING. THIS IS STUPID. I AM SO DONE!”

Boss: “You know what? Just take it and leave.”

Customer: “OKAY! I’M NEVER COMING BACK!”

(She leaves.)

Boss: “I just want her to get out.”

(I don’t appreciate people trying to get things for free and abusing/ignoring company policies as if they’re above everyone else, but at the end of the day she got a free case after using ours for three months.)

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Bagging On The Bags

| Germany | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(The store I work at decided to stop selling plastic bags more than six months ago, for environmental reasons. There are posters at every location and the in-store radio repeats it all the time. Still I get this exchange at least once a day.)

Me: “…that would be [price], please.”

Customer: “Oh, and I’d like a bag, please.”

Me: “Okay, do you want a small one for €0.75 or a big one for €1?”

Customer: “Huh? But the bags are only €0.10!”

Me: “Well, the company decided to stop selling plastic bags. The alternatives we’re offering now are nice cotton bags or a big permanent bag, which you can use multiple times.”

Customer: “I don’t believe this; every store is ditching the good old plastic bags! This is an outrage! I don’t want your ugly cotton bags, thanks!”

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