Preorder Disorder

| Wichita, KS, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(It is mid December. I am purchasing Christmas gifts for my niece and nephew. I have just found out from their father that they want a specific toy which has been popular. A local big-box store has a sale on them. I order online and enter the store on my lunch break to pick them up.)

Employee: “Here are your items. Please make sure they are what you ordered online.”

(I pick up the toys and inspect them. As I am looking at the one for my niece, a customer appears from nowhere and attempts to snatch the toy from my hands.)

Customer: “Hey! That’s the toy I have been looking for! They are out of stock on the shelf. I need to buy it now!”

(The cashier takes toy from me so the customer will stop grabbing for it.)

Cashier: “Madam, he has already purchased this online and is picking it up. I’d be happy to—”

Customer: “No! I was here first and that toy should be mine! He just came and you gave it to him. He hasn’t even paid! He’s cheating! He cut in line!”

Cashier: “Please calm down. I’m sure we can order one or find you one at another store. He has already purchased this one so we cannot sell it to you.”

Customer: “LIAR! He’s a cheater and you are too! Get me your manager now so I can buy this toy for my baby!”

(At this point the customer is yelling loudly and has drawn the attention of the entire front of the store. The manager is already on his way over.)

Manager: “Madam, I’m sorry for the upset. What is the problem?”

Customer: “Your employee is cheating! This man just came in the store and she is handing him the toy that I have been looking for. He hasn’t even paid for it. I demand you sell me this toy and not give it to this cheater!”

Manager: “I’m sorry but he has ordered this online and is now picking it up. I’d be happy to—”

(In the meantime, the cashier has placed the toys in a bag and quietly hands them to me while waving for me to go. I hurry towards the door.)

Customer: *starts trying to get past the manager* “There he goes! He is stealing my baby’s toy! He cut in line and he’s a CHEATER! A CHEATER!”

(I hurry out the door hearing her screams as I hurry to my car. I hope she calmed down and got her toy. I hadn’t seen that kind of crazy since I last dared to go to a Black Friday sale.)

Tis The Season To Be Deaf To Reason

| ME, USA | Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Hello, ma’am! How are you doing today?”

Customer: “Oh, just fine. Thanks. Last minute preparations. Are you ready for Christmas?”

Me: “I suppose you can say that.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, I don’t celebrate Christmas. So I’m always ready for it, in a way.”

Customer: “What?! Why don’t you celebrate Christmas?”

Me: “I’m not Christian.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: *a little slower* “I’m not Christian.”

Customer: *louder* “What?”

Me: “I’m an atheist.”

Customer: *near shouting* “I’m just not understanding!”

Me: “I don’t believe that any god exists.”


Me: “…I celebrate Christmas.”

Customer: *in normal volume* “Well, of course, dear. Everyone does! Merry Christmas and God bless!”

(She gives me a jaunty wave and heads out if the store. My bagger turns to me.)

Bagger: “Am I in crazy-town?”

Me: “Apparently we’re in Bethlehem.”

An Upside Downside To Christmas

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(We sell Christmas-themed doughnuts. One looks like a Christmas tree, with a chocolate wafer stick as the trunk. On the display tray the trunk normally points towards the customer. I’ve just served someone who ordered one and changed their mind. I’ve hurriedly put it back, but the trunk is facing the wrong way, towards me.)

Customer: “I want a tree, but do you have any that aren’t upside down?”

Extra Small Minded

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Bigotry, Extra Stupid

(I work for a very well-known clothing store that caters to plus sized women. The smallest size is 14W. A very skinny woman walks into the store.)

Me: “Hi, there! How can I help you today? Are you shopping for a gift?”

Customer: “No. I am shopping for myself today.”

Me: “Alright. Just so you know, we are a size 14+ store. We do have some nice accessories. May I help you find anything?”

Customer: “No. I just want to look around.”

(The customer wanders off. I start puttering around, cleaning some things, as we are slow. A few minutes later I notice her holding a top and wandering around looking a bit confused.)

Me: “Hey. Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Where are your smaller sizes?”

Me: “I’m sorry. As I mentioned earlier the smallest size we carry is 14 wide, or extra large.”

Customer: “But where are the SMALLER sizes?”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry. We do not carry small sizes.”

Customer: “Yes, yes. But where do you keep the smaller sizes?”

Me: “Miss, I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to explain this to you. [Store] is plus-sized retail chain. We make clothes for women who look like me.”

(I gesture to my size 24 figure. All of a sudden a look of realization comes into the woman’s eyes. She looks around as if seeing the other employees, customers, and myself for the first time.)

Customer: “Wait. This is a store for FATTIES?”

(The customer drops the shirt she’d been holding as if it’s going to burn her and storms out. I just stand there, totally stunned. A few customers shoot the skinny woman dirty looks.)

Needs To Take A Sabbath-ical From Stupidity

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

(I am the manager of the cashiers. A customer is talking to one of my cashiers.)

Customer: “You know you are going to Hell? Right?”

Coworker: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You are going because you are working on a Sunday.”

Coworker: “Well, I guess I will see you there since you are shopping.”

(The customer’s face goes red but he says nothing else. He pays and leaves. The coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “Oh, gosh. I am not going to get fired am I?”

Me: “Not by my standards you aren’t!”

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