A Few Cards Short Of A Deck

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid

(I work for an alcoholic beverage company that has a staff shop at head office. The shop has recently started a scheme whereby all the retired employees on the pension scheme have been sent cards with their pension number on them and in invitation to buy at the store. Many of them have been calling the store to have the scheme explained and I am dealing with one such customer’s enquiry over the phone, and am rather eager to get the call finished as it has already dragged on a bit.)

Customer: “So, when I come down to head office do I need anything to prove that I’m a pensioner?”

Me: “Yes. All you need to do is bring along your [Company] card that you ought to have been sent.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have one of those…”

Me: “That is strange. Mayb—”

Customer: “Do you think I should call head office and ask them to send me a card?”

Me: “Well, yes, I suppose that would be your best option.”

Customer: “…though I do have this card that came with the newsletter with my pension number printed on the [Company] card…”

Me: “Ah! In that case that’ll be the one you need. A white card, yes?”

Customer: “Oh… no, no it’s not white.”

Me: “Hmm, well…”

Customer: “It really is more of a cream colour.”

Me: “…”

One Brick Shy Of A Load

| USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I work for a firearm retailer. We put out an ad every month stating our monthly sales. It always states ‘while supplies last.’ A ‘brick’ is 500 rounds of ammo. A well dressed older gentleman walks up to counter.)

Me: “Hello, sir. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy a brick of 22.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We sold out earlier today.”

(The customer pulls out the ad, slams it on the counter and points to the bricks of 22.)

Customer: “And then what is this?”

Me: “It’s an ad for 22, but everything is ‘while supplies last.'”

Customer: “Do you understand the law of ‘false advertising?'”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, [My Name], you will be hearing from my lawyer!” *smirks and briskly walks away*

Manager: “Third threat of legal action this month; we’re on a roll.”

(A lawyer actually called the next day and mentioned me specifically. He stated that he was only calling because his client paid him to ‘look into it.’ Nothing, of course, happened.)

Showing Signs Of A Recovery

, | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

(I am the customer in this story. I have just had a rant about customers in my store not reading signs to my fiancé while he was buying shoes.)

Me: “Ah, these are nice.” *to sales clerk* “Excuse me, there is no 50% off sticker on these. Don’t you have a 50% off sale like the sign on the window says?”

Sales Clerk: “Uh, no. That only applies to certain brands and this brand isn’t on sale.”

Me: “Oh, no! I’ve turned into that customer that doesn’t read the whole sale sign! I was just ranting about those!”

(We had a good laugh and talked about horrible customers and how sometimes we accidentally have those moments, so I think I was forgiven.)

Give Them An Inch And They’ll Take A Vile

| Duluth, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I take a phone call for someone in the bedding department:)

Customer: “I’m looking for a white duvet, but I need it to cover a bedspread that is 96 x 114. I can’t seem to find anything that will fit.”

Me: “The closest thing I have is only 104″, but I think you could fit an extra 10″ in just fine.”

Customer: “Oh, believe me, honey. I’ve stuffed 10″ in before!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: *laughing* “What did you say your name was? I am definitely going to find you when I come in to the store!”

Me: “Um, I think I can have it waiting at the checkout for you.”

The Oregon Fail, Part 2

| Spokane, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Canada, Geography

(I’m working at a national retail electronics store. We’re required to attempt to collect demographic data in the form of a ZIP code, unless the customer is from another country.)

Me: “That will be [total]. May I have your ZIP code?”

Customer: “I’m from Ontario. ”

Me: “Ontario….?”

Customer: “Oh, my god! You Americans are so ignorant about any other country! You should know it’s in Canada! Honestly!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is an Ontario, Oregon and an Ontario, California in the US that I know of. Since you’re from Canada, I don’t need your information. Have a nice day.”

(The customer’s face turned red, and they left immediately.)

Related:
From NotAlwaysRelated:
The Oregon Fail

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